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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Somebody needs a hug...


First of all, let me say that I am totally on-line with Pat Robertson and others who pointed out that God smote New Orleans with a hurricane last year because New Orleans has Mardis Gras celebrations that feature all sorts of lewd, debauched, UnGodly behavior. That makes complete sense to me. I mean look at these people- do they look worried about God's Righteous Wrath to you?

Now I know some of you America-hating, liberal, intellectual secular humanists out there are asking, if God really wanted to flatten a city to punish it for bad behavior, wouldn't he do it while the city was being bad? Why flatten it six months away from the party?

There are some weak sisters in our midst who would answer that God can't smite New Orleans with a hurricane in February because there are no hurricanes in February. Well I have news for you pansy-ass bedwetters- My God is a Big Ass Muthafucka who can make a hurricane smite any fucking city any fucking time he damn well wants.

Yeah. Go God!

But that's what worries me. God's actions here are a little passive aggressive. It's sort of like God is saying "I'm mad at you, but I won't come out and tell you why -you should know."

I think God has some anger issues he needs to deal with. Maybe God needs a hug.

Maybe he needs some anti-depressants. I know if George Bush was going around telling everyone that I told him to invade Iraq, I'd need some.

6 comments:

CKW said...

You better watch it - you'll give God a complex. Oh wait, that was the point, he already has one? I'm slow!!!

CKW said...

Now Phoebe's got me talking not too far off these same lines. How does she do that?

Mike said...

Perhaps George needs to invade God. You know, just to teach him a lesson. I mean God is getting a little uppity lately with all this smiting and smoting and shit.

Phoebe Fay said...

Damn straight, Mike! Hell, we're the fucking bad-ass U.S. of Aaaaaaa, and we can invade anyone we damn well please. So God - watch out! You're on the short list. We'll squeeze you in somewhere right between Syria and North Korea.

Forget about hugs, Colonel, you pansy-assed, effete, liberal, commie-pinko, tap-dancing, baby-eater! You probably think we should rehabilitate drug addicts, too, instead of frying them in the chair like God intended (unless they happen to be Rush Limbaugh). And God, don't think the fact that we like to fry people in your name is gonna get you off the invasion rolls!

Woo-hoo!

Mike said...

You go Phoebe.

Colonel Colonel said...

ckw- I understand that God has issues. We all have issues. I just want him to get some help dealing with them is all. Or he could take up drinking again.

mike- for some reason that reminds me of the Alan Sherman song- "Sir Greenbaum"-

'Oh, if I could but kick the habit,
and give up smoting for good...'

That song has the funniest line Sherman ever wrote-
"Said he, 'I don't want to be a knight,
That's no job for a boy who is Jewish".

Phoebe- let me quote our mutual friend the good Herr Doktor- "My God is bigger than your God. My God can whip your God's ass".