Mitt Romney is found to actually be an illegal alien named Miguel Ramirez, and immediately deports himself.
The New England Patriots stun the sports world by winning not only the Super Bowl, but also the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup, the World Series, the Indy 500, and the World Lawn Bowling Championship.
Warren Buffet stages a leveraged buy-out of Iraq and immediately flips the country to China. All US troops come home and peace breaks out as every Iraqi finds a good job making cheap American flags and Christmas lights.
Republican Presidential candidate Fred Thompson causes turmoil at the Republican Convention when, after being officially declared the nominee, he gets up and says, "Gee, thanks, but, uh, on second thought, I don't really want to be President. Um, sorry."
Britney Spears replaces Katie Couric as the anchor of the CBS Evening News, and finally realizes how annoying it is to hear about herself on the news all the time.
The first thing rising sea-levels from Global Warming innundate is George Bush's Texas ranch.
A video is released on You-Tube showing Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin and Hillary Clinton in a lesbian love tryst, and they move to Vermont where they begin new careers producing organic, free-range goat cheese.
Amy Winehouse and Carrot Top don't do anything, say anything, or get photographed going anywhere.
Bill O'Reilly admits that it's all an act.
Dick Cheney resigns after he is discovered in a Times Square bus station men's room dressed in nothing but a red bra, lacy panties, thigh boots, and carrying a whip.
Donald Trump's "hair" is revealed to be a live chihuahua.
After a tumultuous three-way Presidential race between Rudi Giuliani, Dennis Kucinich and independent Michael Bloomberg in which each candidates receives less than 15% of the vote, a national convention elects Jimmy Buffet as the new President.
During a live interview on Oprah, Condaleeza Rice breaks down in tears and sobs "Oh my God, Oh my God, what have we done to America?!?!?"
Martha Stewart is invited to decorate the White House for the Bush's last Christmas there, spray paints George with gold glitter and then glues him to the top of the White House Christmas tree.
Happy New Year, everyone!