Monday, December 24, 2007

Seasonal Sing-Along-

OK, everyone, it's Christmas Eve here, and that means it's already Christmas somewhere!

So let's get into the Spirit of the Season (I said "Spirit", not "spirits", get out of the liquor-cabinet, T-Bird!) and sing a few Carols-

Good King Sauerkraut looked out,
on his feets uneven,
while the girls gamboled about,
tanned and firm and cleavaged...

- -

"Hark!" the C-E-O's all siiiing,
"Glory to our Golden Wings!
We have Golden Parachutes,"
to help us keep our filthy loot!

Come and all ye poor schmucks rise,
you'll never cut us down to size!
When the Bush-Man does proclaim,
Money's good, and greed's no shame,
Cash! don't call it dirt or graft,
We all got ours; you got the shaft!"

- -

Chuck's nuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost ripping off your nose
Yuletime Carol being done by the choir
And folks out dissin' eskimoes...

Everybody knows
that Holly is a friggin' ho,
and Ronny killed her kids last night,
Fucking cops, if your husband don't know,
Can make you sleep so deep, tonight...


Mike said...

I just love how you have updated these classics. Makes me feel all Christmas-y.

Malach the Merciless said...

Sung to Felix Naidad with a Latino Accent

Police in my yard

Phoebe Fay said...

You know what I love about crispymas carols - they all lend themselves to dirty interpretations. I mean, of course there's the obvious - "O Come All ye Faithful." But there's also "deck my halls with your bough of holly" and "jingle balls." Any slightly twisted mind can be filled with lascivious intent, all while appearing so innocent!

Joey Polanski said...

Wif th passage o time, Im sure Ill soon ferget most o these lyricks.

But "Yuletime Carol being done by the choir" ...

Heck! Im gonna have a hard time NOT singin that whenevr I hear "The Christmas Song."

Thanks, Colonel!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes the real thing just needs a bit of a touch up to make it real special....just like the new lyrics to the old classics that you have just blessed us with :)