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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Now That's the Way to Move the Product...

It's a jungle out there in the marketplace, and it takes a lot to make your product stand out and get noticed these days. This is especially true if your product is something that few people spend a lot of time thinking about buying, like, oh... a coffin.

Now you're all pretty smart- if you were a coffin-maker, and let's say you were preparing a promotional 2008 calendar, what angle would you take to, um, "move the lumber", as it were?

Uh huh, that's what I thought...



C'mon Carmen, let's sell that baby!!

yeah, that's more like it.

My profuse thanks to Gods for pointing this site out to me. You can see more here. And I know what a few of you are saying- is this really real? I swear to God- this Italian firm really makes coffins. Look, here's one of their coffin carvers from their website-




30 comments:

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i would love to share a coffin with any of those muffins. but i would want to be alive. well, and have them be alive too. i guess i have too many requirements.

Phoebe Fay said...

Well, they *are* nice coffins!

So, what, are the models supposed to be the grieving widows? When December gives up the ghost, May can grieve in style?

Colonel Colonel said...

T-Nird: Those, um, 'coffins' look far too lovely to wait 'till you're dead to take advantage of.

Phoebe: I think they're more like accessories- to entertain the funeral guests, perhaps?

moooooog35 said...

...wow...

...makes me want to take up necrophilia again.

Colonel Colonel said...

Moooog- I could be mistaken, but those women look pretty 'lively' to me.

Buzzardbilly said...

Maybe they're trying to give old funeral directors a heart attack?

Some things should never be sexed up. I think coffins are one of those things.

anaglyph said...

It works for cars, and you're going to spend a lot longer in your coffin than in your car.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

There were coffins in those pictures? Be right back, I have to go look again...Damn, you were right. I'll be needing a new calendar in a couple of weeks.

Where were they when I was building coffins in my garage for Halloween?

Malach the Merciless said...

I just found my calling: Male Coffin Beefcake Model

Hungry Mother said...

Makes me want to be laid out.

Beach Bum said...

As you said in you labels, I'll be damned. I've seen just about everything now.

Catalyst said...

I'm just dying to meet some of those girls.

Sirdar said...

I wonder if they are expecting people to buy their coffin way before they die. Not sure how having "coffin babes" are going to sell more coffins...especailly if the deceased is a husband.

TED VELVET said...

I was conceived in a coffin. My father was really into that kind of shit. Maybe you've heard of him? ozzy osbourne?

aye aye aye (crazy train)

pissed off patricia said...

Holy crap! I grew up around funeral homes and coffins due to my dad's occupation. Never saw anything like this.

Cissy Strutt said...

Fantastic. Just ... Fan. Tastic.

Sara Sue said...

I'm questioning whether or not Miss May is among the living. It looks as though someone shot her moments before the pic was taken. In any event, I've seen it all now!

Sara Sue said...

Oh oh oh!! September's model has major camel toe! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Colonel Colonel said...

BB: Oh, I dunno. A nice sporty model with racing stripes?

Reverend: Good point. You'll especially spend a long time in there if one of the babes comes with it.

Bruce: The website has the photos from past years as well...

Malach: Go for it!

HungryMo: heheheheh

Beach Bum: I keep thinking that, and I keep on being wrong.

Catalyst: heheheheh

Sirdar: I think these are meant for the funeral directors more than the public, though they certainly have "mass appeal".

TedV: My favorite Ozzy moment came on his reality show a few years ago. A promoter was walking him through the Xmas show in a concert auditorium, and he tells Ozzy that Ozzy will enter in a black sleigh that will be lowered from the ceiling to the stage. He adds that some cannons will shoot gold glitter. Ozzy looses it and begins screaming "Glitter!?!? GLITTER1?!!?!? I'm the Fucking Prince of Darkness!!! I don't do fucking GLITTER!!!!"

God bless Ozzy and what's left of his brain.

PoP: You mean this is not standard equipment?

Cissy: We only bring you the best here at MMB.

Sara: Sharp eyes!

Mike said...

Well if I was in the market for a coffin, which I'm not, that would certainly get my attention and it might also give a whole new meaning to selective rigor mortis.

Colonel Colonel said...

well, the coffins are made of "wood"...

Parad0x said...

These ladies are clearly here to promote "wood".

Consider it promoted.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I want to see some guys modeling those.

It would give a whole new meaning to dead meat!

Kerstin said...

Maybe it's just me, but those girls aren't doing anything for those coffins. They look like coked up whores...wait, maybe that's the point?

I don't know. This is just too creepy for me. What do you tell your grandchildren?

"That's right Billy. Grammy was the June Coffin Bunny 2007."

Sideon said...

Coffin Centerfold slogans:

"Got wood?"

"Stiff it to me."

__________

Colonel - this is highly disturbing :)

Colonel Colonel said...

ParadOx: Then their job here is done.

PrePo: Sounds like a fun project- you first.

Kerstin: Some secrets just aren't meant for sharing.

Sirdar: If you think these are disturbing, go back to the site, go to "art" - "calendars", and check out the 2007 calendar offerings...

FOUR DINNERS said...

Why does the phrase "Liking your meat cold" spring to mind...

Thomas said...

I would buy a coffin from them in a heartbeat.
They got the second best marketing ploy in the world

The first would involve nude girls, probably several of them on each coffin.

TV

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i've still got those coffins on my mind.

jgodsey said...

those images just keep reminding me of the terrific italian horror comedy
Dellamorte Dellamore (1994)[cementary man] the italians just have a healthier view of death than we do.