Saturday, December 08, 2007


It's getting so Christmasy around Hatfield even the birds at our feeders are shitting season's greetings. Being full of the Christmas (and other assorted) spirits, last night Amy and I went to Northampton to see the world premier of a new play you will see much more of in the coming years-

"Santacide" was co-written by Northampton's own Hilary Price, creator of 'Rhymes with Orange' (2006 winner of the "Best Cartoon" award by the National Cartoonists Society). The idea for "Santacide" first popped up in a 'Rhymes with Orange' cartoon panel a few years ago, and Ms. Price teamed up with local actress/radio announcer Kelsey Flynn to write the play. Amy and I were first in line, and snagged front row seats. So, did it fill us with the Christmas spirit?

You bet. "Santacide" is a complete hoot, and will hopefully become an annual Christmas favorite. The premise is simple: when Santa is found murdered in his office on Christmas Eve with a three foot-long candy cane protruding from his back, whodunit?? Was it mini-skirted, slightly-sauced Mrs. Clause? The Head Elf with the nefarious, Keebler-related, past? The smarmy seasonal assistant who's having an affair with Mrs. Claus? The North Pole Postmaster who seems to still think he's in the Marine Corps? A mother-son detective team must find out!

The story plays out along the lines of a classic Agatha Christie drawing-room comedy as rewritten by the Monty Python troupe. It's funny, witty and wise, and the actors and actresses were obviously having a good time. I know very few of you are actually in the Northampton, Massachusetts area, but if you find yourself here during the next two days, the play runs again tonight at 8 and Sunday at 2 pm. And I hope that that's not the last you hear of it!

Speaking of seasonal stuff, earlier this week Sara Sue posted the audio to Tom Lehrer's wonderful song "Smut"; well, a few years ago I re-wrote another of Mr. Lehrer's songs for the Christmas season. "The Hunting Song" was originally released in 1959 on his "Tom Leher Revisited" album, and the first verse went like this-

I always will remember,
'Twas a year ago November,
I went out to hunt some deer
On a morning bright and clear.
I went and shot the maximum
the game laws would allow:

Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.

So, after too many egg-nogs a few years ago, I took pen to paper and spindled and mutilated that fine song into this, which I offer for your seasonal entertainment-

A Seasonal Hunting Song

(with apologies to Tom Lehrer)

I always will remember,
'Twas a year ago December,
I went out to hunt some deer,
On a morning bright and clear.
I went and shot the maximum
the game laws gave myself:
Two bell ringers, seven reindeer, and an elf.

I was in no mood to trifle,
I took down my trusty rifle
And went out to stalk my prey.
What a haul I made that day!
I tied them to my fender,
and I drove them home myself:
Two bell ringers, seven reindeer, and an elf.

The law was very firm, it
Took away my permit,
The worst punishment
it could manage to propose.
It turned out there was a reason,
it seems elves were out of season
-And one of the reindeer had bright-red, glowing nose.

People ask me how I do it,
And I say "There's nothin' to it,
You just stand there lookin' cute,
And when something moves, you shoot!"
So there's ten stuffed heads sitting
on my maple trophy shelf:
Two bell ringers, seven reindeer, and a big fat Christmas elf!


AngryMan said...

How much did they pay you for this plug? Hopefully a lot. Can I get in on this deal?

Colonel Colonel said...

AAArgh! I admit it! I admit it! I got a free candy cane!

the shame...

Catalyst said...

Good work on the Lehrer lyrics. I'm booking a sleigh to Northampton. Please arrange for free pre- and post-theatre drinks. (No egg nog.)

Malach the Merciless said...

I only make it up to North Hampton once a year, in the summer, sorry

Buzzardbilly said...

The play sounds like a hoot. Did you happen to see Monk last night? Santa said Monk shot him. Santa lived but people hated Monk. One big gag was that they were accusing him of Santacide.

Mike said...

I was going to tell you that Monk was using the phrase Santacide last night, but I see buzzard beat me to it.

Sounds like a hoot.

Colonel Colonel said...

Catalyst: No worries, we have plenty to drink here!

Malach: Summer is fn too- come play croquet with us.

BB: Tony Shaloub is great, but I missed it last night to see the original Santacide.

Mike: It was a great time. It would make a killer movie in the hands of somebody like Tim Burton.

TED VELVET said...

sounds like a good play. It was the baby jesus that did it wasn't it

Preposterous Ponderings said...

LMAO so hard @ the birds shitting Seasons Greetings! Funny!

Sirdar said...

That sounds like a great play. I bet it was a lot of fun. If is shows up here I might just have to take it in.

Simply Curious said...

Only a candy cane? You got ripped off.

I bet you'd love Avenue Q.

Sara Sue said...

The play sounds great! I'm something of a Scrooge and I always enjoy seeing Santa get his!

The rewrite of "The Hunting Song" is brilliant!

Colonel Colonel said...

Ted-V: Shhhhhh!!! (yes, it turns out the baby jesus has a bit of an attitude problem)

PrePo: If you think it's that funny, you can come clean all the "greetings" off the deck...

Sirdar: A funny two hours.

SCG: I will check out Avenue Q.

Sara: It turns out Santa was a pill-popper. It was probably all for the best.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

I love me some Tom Lehrer - that was great! And are you getting ready for the annual New Year's poetry slam over at the Reverend Anaglyph's place? You know, where you have to write an ode to Rasputin's pickled member? And my nonblogging friends wonder why I blog...


Santacide!!! The very idea fills me with seasonal joy.

Hungry Mother said...

Sound like a great play. Any chance of buying a recording?

Beach Bum said...

Sanatcide sounds great I wish we had something similar down here in SC. The local playhouse tends to do modern stuff that I just can't figure out.

C.Rag said...

Was Santa covered in blood? Did someone rape him too? Was there DNA found at the crime scene?