Sunday, May 21, 2006

Sunday Silliness...

A joke (I hope) that I stole from somewhere a while ago. What's Audrey Tautou got to do with it? Nothing at all. But after you get to the end you're going to need something nice to think about...


Last week we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well,"he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare and said, "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. Then I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

I asked, "After you get "it" out, how do you put "it" back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."


Mike said...

Well, what would you have them do...leave it hanging out? Sounds reasoable to me. Just don't order the soup and everything will be fine.

Colonel Colonel said...

Or they could leave it hanging out and it could become a "theme restaurant". I'm sure Phoebe would go there.

Phoebe Fay said...

Ewwwwwwww! I don't think so!

I mean, if they were all buff and went around shirtless or something, that would be one thing. But most of the waiters I've seen? With their cheesy polyester uniforms? And their fake perky "how are you guys doin' tonight?" chatter? I'll stick to take-out in that case.

What those waiters really need is a second string.

Colonel Colonel said...

Phoebe- point taken.

OK, how about this? -Staff a restaurant with beefcake waiters, tie a string to each of their "appliances" but keep the flies closed, and attach a small tag to the end of each string that says "pull string for service"