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Monday, May 12, 2008

Corrections & Apologies-


I know it seems unbelievable, but every once in a while our crack staff at MMB News Services makes an error. When we do, and when it is brought to our attention by our alert readers we make every attempt to eventually promptly correct the error. So here goes-

In our May 12, 2006 edition a photo of Ella June Parker of Tecumseh, Iowa should have been captioned- "Local Pastor Jokes with Homeland Security Officer at Tecumseh Airport". We sincerely regret any misunderstanding that may have occurred when we supplied an incorrect caption reading "Undercover Al Quaeda Operative Arrested While Trying to Board Aircraft as Suicide Bomber".

Last Thursday we reported that on October 26, 2005, the Chairman of Exxon/Mobil met with Saudi Arabian officials in Room 17 of the Daytona Motor Inn and agreed with them to help inflate American gasoline prices. We would like to explain that this was not meant to suggest that the Chairman of Exxon/Mobil met with Saudi Arabian officials on October 26, 2005, in Room 17 of the Daytona Motor Inn to collude to inflate American gas prices. We apologize, and thank the Chairman of Exxon/Mobil, and his lawyers, for pointing out that this report could have been misconstrued by some readers.

A week ago today we reported that gigantic man-eating grasshoppers had carried off a entire pre-school class in Machias, Maine. Further investigation has indicated that certain details of this story may not be entirely accurate, and we would like to apologize to the residents of Machias for any panic that might have ensued in that community as a result of our initial story.

Yesterday the International wire services widely reported on our exclusive interview with Katie Couric in which she declared "Dan Rather was my mentor and one of the finest men I've ever known". As the result of a cut-and-pasting error in our composition department some versions of the story appear to have changed the quote to "Dan Rather is a grubby, narrow-minded, skirt-chasing, space-cadet jerkwad". Our bad.

One final note: After extensive follow-up research, we stand by our report that Dick Cheney is, literally, the Spawn of Satan.

13 comments:

Mrs. Chili said...

I have no doubt that Cheney's family tree is rooted with Old Scratch himself. That's really the only plausible explanation for any of this, isn't it?

I didn't buy the Machias story for a second. It wouldn't be grasshoppers, as anyone from around these parts knows; it'd either be a swarm of black flies or a single mutant mosquito. Get your facts straight, People, wouldja? Sheesh!

Finally, I'm not sure I really want to KNOW what the Chairman of Exxon and the Saudi officials were doing in Room 17. What people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is THEIR business...

Phoebe Fay said...

Once again, Mutterings provides a beacon of integrity for the journalistic world to follow. Thank you, sir, for your diligence and discombobulation.

C.Rag said...

Puppy!!!
What was this about...

C.Rag said...

I see the puppy's wee-wee.

Oh I'm a product of dumping down America!

AngryMan said...

I think I should surprise Wifey by bringing home another dog. I wonder how she would react to that.

Malicious Intent said...

It is good that we can come here knowing that the integrity of the information put forth is without a doubt trustworthy as an eight year old left alone in a candy store.

Not an easy job at all, no sir, not easy.

Mike said...

I come here for more pictures of Jenna Bush's bush and this is what I get? I demand my money back.

Okay, well the puppy was cute, but I can see his wee wee. Oh wait, C.Rag already said that. Hey, I see C.Rag's wee wee too!

Great, all I want to see is Jenna's wee wee and I got all these other wee wee's flying around.

I'm going to sleep now. I'll probably dream of wee wee's dammit.

Colonel Colonel said...

"I didn't buy the Machias story for a second. It wouldn't be grasshoppers, as anyone from around these parts knows; it'd either be a swarm of black flies or a single mutant mosquito. Get your facts straight, People, wouldja? Sheesh!"

Mrs. Chili: Yes, I knew there was something wrong with that story.

"Once again, Mutterings provides a beacon of integrity for the journalistic world to follow. Thank you, sir, for your diligence and discombobulation"

Phoebe: Proud to do it!

"Puppy!!! ... I see the puppy's wee-wee. Oh I'm a product of dumping down America!"

C.Rag: You're a True American!

"I think I should surprise Wifey by bringing home another dog. I wonder how she would react to that"

Angryman: My aunt & uncle surprised my mom & dad by bringing me a puppy for my 4th birthday. As I recall, my mom and dad got even, and it wasn't pretty...

"It is good that we can come here knowing that the integrity of the information put forth is without a doubt trustworthy as an eight year old left alone in a candy store"

MI: I'm glad you appreciate our High Standards!

"I come here for more pictures of Jenna Bush's bush and this is what I get? I demand my money back.
...Great, all I want to see is Jenna's wee wee and I got all these other wee wee's flying around"


Mike: I'd give you your money back, but I gave it to Jenna Bush to show me her... oops, gotta go!

Beach Bum said...

We apologize, and thank the Chairman of Exxon/Mobil, and his lawyers, for pointing out that this report could have been misconstrued by some readers.

Saw this and for some reason thought it fit:
Mark Twain notes...
"It is interesting to note that criminals have multiplied of late, and lawyers have also; but I repeat myself."

The funny thing is that I'm married to a lawyer. And people wonder why I stay married.

AngryGinger said...

I was taught that cats were the Spawn of Satan. Is Cheney a cat?

Malach the Merciless said...

You, you . . . bastard!

Hungry Mother said...

Thanks for the clarifications. I was all packed and had started the car for a mercy trip to Maine.

Utah Savage said...

Great commenters you have here. Very funny post. I believed every word of it and hated to see you making corrections. Lawyers have no fucking sense of humor. But the obsession of some of your male readers for Jenna's bush is unseemly. Call that girl's cunt something nicer than a Bush. Is this a nasty free site? I keep forgetting who is clean and who is filthy? I guess we know where I come go down, I mean where I come down..... Oh never mind.