Sunday, May 04, 2008

In the News...

I know I'm dreaming, but these are the Top Ten headlines I'd love to see in next month's newspaper-

#10: Chinese Overthrow Own Government, Apologize to Dalai Lama & Taiwan, Pledge to Upgrade American 'Chinese' Restaurants.

#9: Clinton Admits to Pandering on Gas Tax, Drops Out of Race, Becomes Nun, Takes Vow of Silence.

#8: Obama Holds Entire Press Conference Without Any Stupid Question About Rev. Wright.

#7: Giant Flaming Salamander Takes Mitt Romney "Home".

#6: Triple-Crown Race Run Without Any Horse Dropping Dead on the Track.

#5: Video of Roger Clemens & A-Rod in "Love Nest" Posted on You-Tube

#4: Bill Gates Admits Windows Is 'Crap', Says He Just Bought an iMac.

#3: Oil Companies Nationalized, CEO's Sentenced to Spend Ten Years Pumping Gas at Filling Stations in Nebraska.

#2: Press Pushes McCain on Ties to Pastors Who Called Pope Benedict the 'Anti-Christ'.

and finally, the #1 headline I'd love to see in next month's newspaper-

Search for Vice President Cheney's Missing Aircraft Suspended.

Hey, let's all sing a song about assholes & hypocrisy-


Mrs. Chili said...

Mission FINALLY Accomplished - complete troop withdrawal from Middle East; factions left to duke it out amongst themselves.

Ooooh! How about this one?

Mexican Fence idea abandoned; rational immigration plan approved by Congress.

Phoebe Fay said...

Never stop dreaming. Any one of those headlines would thrill me to the bone!

Beach Bum said...

I would deal with Cheney admitting that he has been engaging in a homosexual affair with Rush Limbaugh and the two were running off to AID's clinic in Africa taking care of children.
Jeannie C. Riley is still damn sexy.

Colonel Colonel said...

Mrs. Chili: Apparently they are trying to take the phrase "Mission Accomplished" out of the language...

Phoebe: Yes, any, but the Veep headline is the best, yes????

Beach: Jeannie C. Riley can have my children any damn day she wants to!

Mike said...


Utah Savage said...

Mike! Man I know what you mean, but we aren't all morons, I mean Mormons.

This is a great list. I was looking for something to cheer me up--so glad I stopped here before I went to bed.

pissed off patricia said...

I am with you all the way!

Add, Chris Matthews loses his ability to speak along with Tim Russert.

Fox news station has given up trying to fix their transmission and gone off the air forever.

C.Rag said...

C.Rag gets unlimited amounts of cash to feed her porn addiction.

Malach the Merciless said...

Lets sue the Harper Valley PTA!

AngryMan said...

But isn't the Pope the anti-Christ?

Colonel Colonel said...


Utah Savage: We aim to serve!

PoP: No more Fox News? Then who will we make fun of?

C.Rag: Well, I thought that went without saying.

Malach: We can hire Angryman!

AngryMan: Well, yes, but... what's your point?

here today, gone tomorrow said...

I like beach bum's a lot!! Please add to list (which is great, by the way.)

Thomas said...

#7: Giant Flaming Salamander Takes Mitt Romney "Home".

Okay, that one made coke shoot out of my nose. Damn that was funny