Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Many of you have been blogging about office life recently, so I dug out this classic that I found somewhere or other a few years ago.
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN YOUR OFFICE
Pretend to page yourself over the intercom (don't disguise your voice.) This is even more effective if your office is small and does not have a real intercom and you use one of those home karioke machines.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
Make up nicknames on the spur of the moment for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names (but never the same one twice). "Is that report done yet, Sparky?" "I'm sorry, the 3rd Quarter figures haven't arrived yet, Chachi."
Send email to all your co-workers telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me on Wednesday, I'll be in the bathroom."
"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
At lunchtime sit in the cafeteria and soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
Put mosquito netting up all around your desk.
Arrive for work late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for breakfast, and you're going to be nibbling while you work. Over the next hour consume 5 entire raw potatoes.
Insist that your co-workers refer to you as Zena, Goddess of Fire. This is especially effective if you are a man.
Every time someone asks you for something, ask them if they want fries with it.
Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about current events. Forward the mail to co-workers and ask them to settle the disagreement.
Replace the "free coffee" pot with a full beer cooler.
Encourage your office mates to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Put a garbage can on your desk. Label it "In Box".
Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Decorate your desk with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Tell everyone that they're your children (works especially well for anyone under 40).
For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the reception room's tropical fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many fish you can catch in your mouth.
Announce that there is free pizza, free donuts etc... in the conference room, and when people arrive, see an empty plate and complain, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
Put decaf in the office coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.