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Thursday, February 07, 2008

Doncha Hate...?


A few days ago Mike posted an excellent list of things that drive him nuts. He pretty much listed all the things I find annoying on a daily basis, but then I thought, what about those odd things that always seem to be popping up that drive me nutty as well?

So, don't you just HATE it when-

- you're in bed, making passionate love with J-Lo, and your cellphone beeps and it's Carmen Electra wanting you to come over
right away?

- you get your Ford Exploder up to about 85 mph and broadside the President's limousine, and he gets out, brushes himself off, laughs, and insists on taking you out for a beer?


- you win the Grand prize in the 'Spend a Week Backstage on Tour with Bruce Springsteen' contest, and a day later The Boss embraces Islam, changes his name to Yakami bin Mohammed, and takes up the sitar?

- you find half a finger in a bowl of restaurant chili? I mean a
whole finger, ok, that's a nice lawsuit. But only the last half of the finger? That's gross. Not to mention the prelude to a whole bunch of shots.

- you buy a lottery ticket that wins you $250 million, but when you go to pick up your check the lottery guy laughs and says "April Fools!", so you kill him on live tv, and then you get sentenced to life in prison, and when you get there your cellmate is that annoying guy from high school who cracks his knuckles all the time, but now he weighs 250 lbs. and belongs to the prison's gang of Neo-Nazi Skinheads, so there's not a damn thing you can do about it?

- one of those little African countries has a revolution and changes its name, so you have to spend all day with your "Cut 'N Rub" stencil letter set changing the names on every single globe in the house?

- Catherine Zeta Jones moves in next door, but it turns out to be Michal Douglas who likes to sunbathe nude in the backyard?

- you invade a foreign country because all the "Yes-Men" you've surrounded yourself with tell you it's a great idea, but then it doesn't turn out at all the way it was supposed to, and everybody starts blaming you for it?

Yeah. I just HATE it when that happens.

24 comments:

pissed off patricia said...

I'd kinda be okay if Mr. Douglas liked to sun in the nude.

You want me to go into a batshit crazy rage, have someone near me crack their chewing gum or smack it out loud. I become evil when that happens.

Mike said...

Great list and those are exactly the kinds of things that drive me mad.

Of course if Michael Douglas was sunbathing nude in the house next door, I'd run his ass over with my Ford Exploder while I was playing the sitar.

God, that would suck.

Phoebe Fay said...

Ah the changing of the globes. It's worse than the damn clocks on daylight savings time.

Colonel Colonel said...

PoP: Chewing gum.... grrrr.

Mike: I HATE it when that happens!

Phoebe: It drives me nuts. Upper Volta was a PERFECTLY good name!

Hungry Mother said...

Some of you folks with the rants about gum chewing are getting some interest from my award board.

Buzzardbilly said...

Knuckle-cracking and gum-popping idiots make my ass raw. My dear sweet mother used to like to eat plain toast every morning, which she ate with wet open-mouthed smacks against the roof of her mouth. Used to drive me crazy.

Anonymous said...

People who gloat about there football team when they win but never say a word when they choke

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Yes, add open-mouth chewing of the food. And, oh yeah, people in one's apartment building who steal the Sunday paper.

Colonel Colonel said...

HungryMo: Hey, an awards an award...

BB: That wet noise open mouth chewers make is enough to get them waterboarded.

Anon: Doncha HATE that?

HTGT: Apt. building paper stealers! Yeah, we had one of those back in he city. That's one body that'll never be found.

Kerstin said...

Totally off topic, but not really....

I watched a show on the History channel the other day on the birth of the prison system "Arian Nation." It was creepy beyond all creepiness.

That is all.

Kerstin said...

Of course I meant Aryan Brotherhood. Geez this cold medicine is killing all my brain cells.

Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, you and me live indentical lives

anaglyph said...

So Carmen Electra keeps bugging you too, huh?

Colonel Colonel said...

Kerstin: Well, at least you can blame it on cold medicine. I have no excuse.

Malach: Freaky, huh?

Reverend: If I had a dime- I keep telling, "Carmen, baby, it's over," but then she starts crying again...

Malicious Intent said...

Poor Carmen...you are such a bastard!

Mike said...

Did someone say Carmen?

moooooog35 said...

You're missing the point.

When Michael Douglas is outside, it means that Catherine Zeta Jones is inside by herself (put the kids in the closet...helpful tip).

Colonel Colonel said...

Malicious: I do feel much guilt.

Mike: Carmen Miranda!!

Moog: Well, damn! Why didn't I think of that???

AngryMan said...

I hate it when I get tickets to go see Tom Waits live and it turns out to be Tommy Lee Jones doing nude performance art.

Colonel Colonel said...

Yeah, that sucked. And since Pam Anderson wasn't there, not in a good way.

pissed off patricia said...

Buzzardbilly, I used to experience the same damned thing with my mother. Makes you want to scream.

Might I also add to the list of who should be sent to hell, anyone who makes a sound when they drink coffee. Slurping should be against the law, and would be if I were the sheriff.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Michael Douglas can move in next to me anyday and sun himself in the nude.

Hell I'll even be a good neighbor and offer him a space in my yard!

sirdar said...

Pretty funny. Hope you don't lose too much sleep over it :-)

Cissy Strutt said...

I hate things that are for my convenience. Cause you just know they aren't.