Monday, February 18, 2008
3,000 Channels, And There's Nothing On...
The New England Sports Network (NESN), the cable-television network that carries Boston Red Sox games (and is, incidentally, also owned by the Red Sox) is televising Spring Training live this year.
Now let me make sure you fully understand what I just wrote- I don't mean they are televising Spring Training games live this year, they've been doing that for many years. No, no- this year they have started live broadcasts of Spring Training itself. You know -guys running laps in the outfield. Guys playing catch. Pitchers Fielding Practice.
Not only are they televising this live every afternoon- they are running edited highlight summaries each evening.
And I'm sure people will watch, that's how baseball crazy we are around here. This is the region where several tv stations broke into regular programming to carry live video of the Sox' tractor trailer truck pulling away from the loading dock at Fenway Park to start its trip to Florida last week.
So this got me thinking... what else could be televised that would be even more boring and meaningless than live coverage of Spring Training calisthenics? What could we put on tv that would kill the few remaining brain cells Americans have left after 7 years of the Shrub and Britney Spears?
So let's put our heads together and come up with a schedule- I'll start off with a few of my own suggestions-
PGA Ball-Washer Cam: 24-7-365 live streaming video of the Professional Golfer's Association's official ball washing machine. Includes BREAKING NEWS RSS Feed whenever Tiger Woods' washes his balls.
Where's The Donald's Hair?: Donald Trump's "hair" finally gets its own television show as it strikes out on its own across the USA.
It's 3 A.M.- Do You Know Where Your Bologna Is?: Live coverage of the cold-cut drawer inside Bill Clinton's refrigerator.
6-Feet Under the White House Lawn: New this fall on Grub-TV: live video of worms and grubs from a camera buried under the Rose Garden, right next to Dick Cheney's Sense of Decency.
Is Anybody Actually Listening?: Live daily coverage of the floor of the US House of Representatives. Watch as Representatives grandstand for special-interest groups back home by making rousing speeches to an absolutely empty House chamber. (oh, wait- this one is actually already on CSPAN).
You get the idea, fellow campers! What else can we put on our Spring Schedule?