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Thursday, January 10, 2008

Sometimes You're the Windshield, and...


Alert MMB friend Gods, who knows what I like, sent this to my attention yesterday-

The Dead Bug Funeral Kit comes with a 32-page Illustrated Buggy Book of Eulogies with Ribbon Bookmark, Casket, Grave Marker, White Clay Flower, Burial Scroll, and Pouch of Grass Seed.

The Buggy Book of Eulogies contains 15 eulogies and 15 buggy illustrations for your Ant, Bee, Beetle, Butterfly, Caterpillar, Cockroach, Cricket, Doodlebug, Fly, Grasshopper, Ladybug, Lightning Bug, Praying Mantis, Spider or Stickbug. The poems are eulogies told by children who have lost their pet bugs to fate. Each book is handmade one at a time. The Kits are assembled by hand as well.

The Burial Scroll comes tied with a ribbon and deposited in the Casket. The Burial Scroll gives instructions for conducting burial ceremonies. Mourners may bury their loved ones outside in the garden or inside the tin box itself, filled with soil and planted with the grass seed provided.

We hope the Dead Bug Funeral Kit will provide some consolation. You may preorder this Kit for yourself or a loved one. We are working as briskly as we can to make these Kits, but there is a lot of grief in this world. And a lot of bugs. We appreciate your patience.

27 comments:

Malicious Intent said...

WTF??? What do I do about the genocide I am creating everytime I feed my bearded dragon about 15 crickets at a time, 2 times a day? Should I have like an eternal flame type of thing going on for them? Oh man, I don't know what to do now! Shit!

AngryMan said...

Could you use this for a wife?

moooooog35 said...

..yet another example of some f*cksh*t who has more money than I do...

...because he invented a bug funeral kit...

...that people ACTUALLY PURCHASE.

I need to dumb down my thoughts.

Although, I'm not so sure that's actually possible.

pissed off patricia said...

Only in America.

A pet bug?

Of course a lot of things that are sold for human funerals are just as big a waste, in my opinion.

My father was a funeral director and an embalmer.

Mike said...

Gives me an idea. I am going to make and sell a funeral kit for pet rocks. So many of those were sold back in the 70's, and they have to be dying off by now.

Colonel Colonel said...

Malicious: You're probably ok, but your dragon is now wanted by the FBI.

Angryman: Yes, if you're married to a ladybug.

Moog: Well, he's offering it for sale- between that and people actually buying it lies a vast stretch of territory...

PoP: I personally am in favor of cremation- so I bought a bug zapper.

Mike: We could also market Viagra for the older rocks...

Beach Bum said...

I have to give the devils its due and say that while I think its bonkers it will make some money.

Phoebe Fay said...

That sounds too cutesy. I want the more Kafkaesque version.

FOUR DINNERS said...

I've a pet spider in my shed. She's huge. I talk to her sometimes. This would be less of a worry if I was pissed. I suppose she'll die sometime. I'd better get one. I'll put a nice headstone up for her as well. She scares the crap out of Caz and Jax - especially when I put her on my shoulder and walk in the house.

Buzzardbilly said...

Wow. That's just creepy. Do pet bugs even live long enough to await a delivery?

Colonel Colonel said...

Beach Bum: Bonkers? Bonkers?? Sigumnd, my late, beloved cockroach, would beg to disagree were he not, um, flat.


Phoebe: Well, we can do Creepy Crawly Crypts...

Dinners: Spiders! Spiders are man's best friend. They're just like dogs but they don't have to be walked.

Colonel Colonel said...

BB: I think you'd probably have to "pre-order" the moment your bug gets sick.

C.Rag said...

When I saw this, I thought of BeetleJuice.

BeetleJucie

Bee...

Colonel Colonel said...

Beetlejuice... hmmm. If I combine your thought with Sara Sue's post today I think we can all make a million.

Can anyone say-

*StarBugs*!!!!

I'll take a Triple-Mocha-Grande-African-Horned-Beetle-Latte, please.

Yes, sir, that will be $16.00.

Malach the Merciless said...

Awesome my dung beetle just died, and know there is feces all over . . it's a mess

Sara Sue said...

"StarBugs"!!!! LMAO!!

I won't tell you what I fed my bearded dragon today :P

NerdGirl said...

lol, here's something that I did not know existed!!

Colonel Colonel said...

Malach: 'My Dung Beetle Died, And Now I Just Can't Seem to Get My Shit Together'. That's either a country music song or a You-Tube video.

Sara: Some nice Polish kielbasa?

Kelly: What, you thought I was going to leave all those dead bugs around to rot? I'm not nearly as OCD as they say, but I could never allow THAT.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Well, I'm reassured about the sincerity of the entire enterprise because they are working as "briskly" as they can.

Colonel Colonel said...

HTGT: I certainly hope they're not sincere. That would just be weird...

TED VELVET said...

I now the feel the need to invent something utterly useless. reuseable tampon maybe?

Tequila Mockingbird said...

EWWWWWWW REUSABLE TAMPON? i was going to say something, but when i saw teds comment i instantly vomited in my mouth. ugh.

Colonel Colonel said...

TV: Or perhaps Mormon beer.

T-Bird: Yes, let's change to another topic. Beer?

Hungry Mother said...

When I think of bugs, I think of "Starship Troopers", and then I think of the shower scene...

Preposterous Ponderings said...

What the hell will people come up with next? Maybe I don't wanna know.

Colonel Colonel said...

HungryMo: Ah yes, the 'Starship Trooper' bugs. For them we need a larger box.

PrePo: Yeah, some questions- can Britney get stupider? Can Bush do worse? What will people come up with next? -just don't ask.

sirdar said...

I have got to show this Dead Bug Funeral Kit to my daughter. She collects bees she finds that can't fly anymore and feeds and waters them for a few more weeks. Then she buries them. She does let us kill mosquitoes though.

Why is it that in every monster movie, all the women are dressed like they are going to the ball or something?