Monday, January 28, 2008

State of the Union Drinking Game

Yes, fellow campers, it's THAT time of year again, when the clown who runs this great land of ours gets up and pulls a bunch of lies out of his ass updates us on the State of the Union. Usually we post a set of rules for a State of the Union Drinking Game, such as you might find here, with rules such as "Every time Bush uses the phrase Progress in Iraq take one shot".

However, after last year's debacle, which found yours truly face down in a snowy gutter at 2 a.m. the next morning, two empty bottles of bourbon at his side, I'm going to try playing the game a bit differently. Thinking about what's really going on in the country is enough to make one get shitfaced any night of the year, so this time my feeling is, if I'm going to get shitfaced, it might as well be for a good purpose. So I'm altering the rules slightly. I therefore present my

2008 State of the Union Drinking Game:

Take 1 shot every time:

-Bush speaks three consecutive sentences without making a grammatical error or grossly mispronouncing something in a "folksy" way.

-Bush says "Democratic Congress" instead of "Democrat Congress".

-Bush uses the word "Bi-Partisan".

-Bush goes an entire paragraph without using any of the following words-

Take 2 shots if Bush says:

-"But you know, the rich folks in this country don't need any more tax cuts."

-"But however important Iraq is, the infrastructure of our country is more important"

-"I may have been wrong about Vladimir Putin"

-"I just wanted to point out that I do actually know how to pronounce the word 'nuclear' "

Down the entire bottle if Bush says:

-"Yes, I mis-led you all about I-Raq, and I'm sorry"

-"And so I have asked Vice-President Cheney for his resignation"

-"All American troops will be home from Iraq before I leave office"

-"It's time this country stopped coddling the big oil companies and got serious about alternative energy sources"

-"You know, I think Hillary would make a great President!"

-"OH MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO AMERICA!?!" (and breaks down sobbing)

I know, I know, I fully expect to end the night stone-cold sober, but hey, I can dream, can't I?


Phoebe Fay said...

I'm sorry, Colonel, but I can't play it your way. There's no way I can watch that simpering, smirking chimp while sober. It hurts my brain cells.

I'll be watching a Gilligan's Island retrospective instead. It's bound to be more enlightening.

Hungry Mother said...

Finally a drinking game that I can play without falling off the wagon. Thanks.

Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, the last part would make the blogsphere go nuts . .

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Colonel Colonel said...

Phoebe: The one drawback of this game is that you do have to watch. In actuality, there's no way I've ever been able to bring myself to do that.

HungryMo: You're quite welcome! Anyone who can watch Chimpboy without drinking has my admiration.

Malach: It would also probably mean we hit one of those alternate universes...

Colonel Colonel said...

Omar: Gee, and just yesterday I was telling somebody I didn't have much trouble with comment spam. Thanks, dude!

Buzzardbilly said...

I'm totally going to play your game with only two changes in the rules:

1) Sub weed for booze.
2) Smoke if Bush's mouth is open.

It's the only way I could bear to watch.

Kerstin said...

I could probably do this seeing as it doesn't look like much of a chance I'd have to take a drink at all...except, with the way fortune has been smiling on me lately, Bush WOULD admit he was wrong about Iraq and totally misled us all, AND throw his support behind Hil.

Beach Bum said...

Sounds like an excellent game but my only issue is that I have already begun drinking and I've decided to watch youporn while listening to Bush's speech. Might as well have the real soundtrack going as he speaks.

Mike said...

I play a different game. It's called look-for-any-fucking-thing-else-I can find-on-TV because nothing that The King Of All Fucking Retards has to say is worth whatever effort it would take to get through listening to him blabber on for an hour or so.

AngryMan said...

I'm going to take a shot until Bush is out of office.

Anonymous said...

Think I will choose that day to surf the net.

I can't hack watching anymore of this presidential stuff!

Anonymous said...

Or you could just have a few drinks anyway and forget the game. The game will only make you more depressed the more you drink....

Tequila Mockingbird said...

how did i miss this post the first time around? damnit. i was even at a bar where they were playing th state of the union address

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