And so It Begins-

Dixville Notch, New Hampshire
From Witlesspedia, the free MMB encyclopedia

Dixville Notch (Coordinates: 44°52′15″N, 71°18′21″W) is an unincorporated wide space in the road small village in the Dixville township of Coos County, New Hamster Hampshire, USA¹. The town is known for its annual Badger Roast being one of the first places to declare its results for the New Hampshire Presidential primary. It is located miles from anywhere you'd ever want to go in the far north of the state, approximately 20 miles² (30 km)³ from MolsonLand Canada. Dixville Notch's population is 76 75.

Midnight voting tradition

Dixville Notch residents gather at midnight to vote

Dixville Notch is best known in connection with Elmer Fuddplucker, inventor of the nesting buttplug its longstanding middle-of-the-night drunken pillaging of the neighboring town of Hixville Notch vote in the U.S. presidential election, including during the New Hampshire primary (the first primary election in the U.S. presidential group circle jerk nomination process). Starting in the 1960 election⁴, all the eligible voters in Dixville Notch gathered at midnight in the ballroom of The Balsams. The voters got completely blitzed on Molson smuggled in from Canada, cast off their clothing their ballots and had New Hampshire's largest recorded gang bang the polls officially are closed one minute later. The result of the Dixville Notch vote in both the New Hampshire primary and the general election are utterly meaningless to anyone with a life traditionally broadcast around the country immediately afterwards.

In the most recent presidential election of November 2nd, 2004 the village had 26 registered voters. The votes are counted immediately after the beer runs out all are received; the Dixville Notch results of the primary often lead morning news programs on election day⁵. During every election year since 1968, the candidate with the plurality⁶ of Dixville Notch's voters has been the eventual Republican nominee for president^{(citation needed)}, with President^{(citation needed)} George Bush winning in both 2000 and 2004. On the Democratic side, however, the village's election results have less often predicted the nominee. In 2000, for example, Gaius Shroomwackler's dog "Pete" won the most votes among Dixville Notch's Democratic primary voters⁷ although Al Gore was the party's eventual nominee and went on to be elected President of the United States.

The community's voting tradition received a nod in the 2002 third season episode of US television program The West Wing⁸, in an episode entitled "Hartsfield's Landing", named after a town clearly modeled on Dixville Notch.


¹.USA! USA! USA! USA! C'mon, what are you some kinda terrorist lover? USA! USA! USA!

². Like we actually went and measured it. Right.

³. Nobody actually knows how far a (km) is, but it looks really scholarly and shit to include it, so we did.

⁴. More or less. We think.

⁵. Sad. Just sad.

⁶. Another big word we threw in to make this look authoritative. Did it work?

⁷. UberGeek77098: Gaius Shroomwackler?? You know, LZ, if you're not going to take this encyclopedia thing seriously why don't you go away and get stupid on another website?
LordZygort: Right, like somebody died and made you Dictator of everything that gets posted here.
UberGeek77098: It's people like you who give Witlesspedia a bad name. You've never contributed anything useful here. I spend all my time going back into articles and cleaning up your retarded crap. And you smell.
LordZygort: Get lost loser!
UberGeek77098: I'm pulling your editing privileges now.
LordZygort: Oh yeah? Well pull my finger too! PhHHFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! HAHA! you got CyberFarted!!
UberGeek77098: Oh, that's real mature. I'm notifying the Administrator!
LordZygort: Get stuffed.

⁸. God, I wish Josiah Bartlett was President. Or Martin Sheen. Or even Charlie Sheen.