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Friday, September 21, 2007

Good News - Bad News


It's one of those sorts of weeks. Time for a wrap-up-

THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE-

GOOD NEWS: Former New York Mayor Rudy "9-11" Guiliani is no waffler- he showed his ability to take a side and stick to it by declaring that he has "always" favored putting gun legislation in the hands of the states, not the Federal government.

BAD NEWS: "Always" in Rudy-speak apparently means "since last Thursday", as those pesky news reporters proceeded to dig up multiple instances between 2000 and 2006 when Rudy publicly called for tough Federal gun-control laws.

GOOD NEWS: The press has stopped using words like "liar" and "duplicitous" when referring to Presidential candidates lying duplicitously, so Rudy is going to be able to "clarify" his comments.


THE RED SOX-

GOOD NEWS: The Pennant Race is roaring down the home stretch.

BAD NEWS: Our Sox are doing 90 mph in reverse.

GOOD NEWS: Josh Beckett goes for his 20th win of the season tonight.

BAD NEWS: All the rest of the pitchng staff are throwing like New York Yankees (and former Red Sox) center fielder left fielder designated hitter Johnny Damon (who throws like a girl).


NATIONAL NEWS-

BAD NEWS: You have to wonder whether, if OJ gets convicted of ten counts of armed assault and kidnapping, the former NFL star is too much of a crazy-ass psycho to be safely incarcerated in Nevada Penal System.

GOOD NEWS: I hear Blackwater's still hiring.


INTERNATIONAL NEWS-

GOOD NEWS: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will not be allowed to visit Ground Zero during his visit to New York.

GOOD NEWS: Maybe Vice President Dick Cheney will make it up to the Iranian leader by taking him hunting.

20 comments:

Mike said...

Since I feel bad that we are not being hospitable to Mahmoud, I am sending him a personal invite to come to my house.

It should be fun.

Colonel Colonel said...

Mike- you'll have to put a burkah on your mower with the big tits.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

O.J. is going to get "juiced" this time around in the court system. He'll be nothing but pulp by
the time they get through with him.

Colonel Colonel said...

PrePondering- If only. I actually threw a "Watch OJ Get Convicted" party last time, complete with guests, munchies and beer.

When the verdict came in we all just stood there with our jaws hanging down, and then finished off all the beer.

And the next thing I knew it was 2005...

C.Rag said...

Wait did I miss something?
Guiliani had something to do with 9-11

AngryMan said...

GO CUBS!!!

Pope Benedict XVI said...

Good News: The Pope is here
Bad News: You are all going to Hell, yes, yes

Malach the Merciless said...

Just got to make the playoffs . . .


GO PATS!

Joey Polanski said...

OJ is INNOCENT!

-- DeJoey Polanski

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Where's Audrey?

Sara Sue said...

I was going to do up a pic of OJ in the NV penal system ... just so I could say *penal system*. Then I figured I'd just type *penal system* a few times and save myself some keystrokes.

Maybe Cheney could invite OJ on the hunting trip.

AngryMan said...

Of course OJ is innocent. That's why he's writing a new book:
"If I Robbed Those Bitches".
OJ only writes books when he's innocent.

C.Rag said...

OJ is also writing another book about his girlfriend, "If I Kill Nicole#2".

Colonel Colonel said...

C.Rag- Are you kidding? Rudy personally ripped three terrorists limb from limb and ate their spleens before spending 16 years in the desert with only a canteen and a fig newton looking for Osama Bin Laden.

Angryman- Where are they going?

Der Popenfuhrer- See you there.

Malach- Will there be anything left of the Bills on the field other than a few battered helmets and smoking cleat fragments tomorrow?

Joey- He certainly is! And he's just announced he's going to spend the rest of his life looking for the real gun-totin' thieves.

HTGT- Hiding from OJ.

Sara- Putting OJ and Dik into a small room with some weapons would solve a lot of problems, wouldn't it?

Angryman- As we all know, if it's in a book, it must be true. Also, his lawyers said he didn't do it, and they wouldn't lie, right?

C.Rag- Denying responsibility for crimes before they happen can be a deffinite plus at the subsequent trial.

Phoebe Fay said...

OJ, Dik Cheney, Rudy Guiliani, and Mamoo Ahmyourdaddi all together, one underground bunker, lots of hunting rifles and knives. Quick, pitch the idea to Fox. It's perfect for the next Survivor!

Colonel Colonel said...

Phoebe- or No Survivors, as the case may be.

Olivia Kroth said...

I found your blog through Catalyst and enjoy your humor as well as that in some comments. I will certainly be a regular visitor from now on.

http://olivia-kroth.blog.de.vu

Colonel Colonel said...

Olivia- Welcome! On behalf of all our contributors, thanks for the kind words, and please come by again.

matchchatter said...

Hi, I am one of your new blogbuddies and have just found you. I love your humor and am very happy to find your site... Love the pic about the chicken.

Colonel Colonel said...

MatchChatter- Welcome! I'm glad you enjoy it. Ah, the (not) chicken...