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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Houston, We Have a Problem-


It never fails to surprise Audrey Tatou, but out of the thousands of new books which are published every year, many do not sell well and are "remaindered"- that is, sold off by their publishers at drastically reduced prices. The shelf-browsers at MMB scour the remainder bins each week, and take great pride in bringing you the best in books that, for one trivial, inexplicable reason or another, just didn't find an audience.

This week's selections-

"Sing Along with Britney Spears Karaoke Set" The pre-recorded cd and fifth of bourbon included with this book allow you to perform just like the famous singer in front of audiences of all sizes.

"Light in My Loafers. Senator Larry Craig's Guide to Amateur Tap Dancing" The Idaho senator reveals how putting on your tapping shoes can make you new friends in the unlikliest of places.

"101 Fun Projects to Do with Your New Camcorder" by Bill Belichick. The man known throughout the NFL as "Smilin' Bill" is as loquacious as ever as he shares all his secrets for getting ahead through modern electronics.

"The EZ-Traveller's Tourist Guide to Downtown Baghdad -2007 Edition" This newly updated edition of the popular guide includes special sections on Hot Spots for Nightlife, what to do if you arrive to find your restaurant has been blown up, and 17 quick ways to stop bleeding.

"Chillin' the Juice. How to Stay Cool and Rational in an Irrational World" by O.J. Simpson. The former NFL star shares his secrets for staying cool, whatever the situation. Just picked as the NRA Book of the Month. If you order now, we will include a free set of ginsu knives.

16 comments:

AngryMan said...

Does the Baghdad novel have info for Senators who like to make it look safer than it is?
McCain!!!

Pope Benedict XVI said...

You missed my personal favorite

Fr. Damien Guide to Inspiring Youth

Malach the Merciless said...

I think I have read all of those books, and put them into practice.

Colonel Colonel said...

My deepest apologies, your Popenfuhrer, but that was a Best Seller (over 1 million sold), and so not eligible as a remainder...

Colonel Colonel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Colonel Colonel said...

pooh- that didn't work. Let's try again.

Angryman- That would be "Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain and Other Tales from Oz" Little-Brown: 2005. $19.95.

Malach- Ahead of the game, as usual. Do you have a copy of Roger Clemens' book "How to Profit from Retiring Every Year"?

Mike said...

Hey, why isn't my favorite on that list?

The George Bush Guide to Quantum Physics

It's a must read for amateur physicists.

Sara Sue said...

I didn't see C.Rag's book on the list, "How to Live the Life of a Nun and Still Have Great Sex"

anaglyph said...

Shit. They already remaindered the Sing Along with Britney Spears Karaoke Set? I just paid full price.

Colonel Colonel said...

Mike- The President's Quantuum Physics Guide was recalled when the publisher noticed that somebody had inserted the sentence "and then bomb Iran" at the end of every chapter.

Sara- But that was also a best-seller!

Reverend- I keep telling you not to buy books you see advertised on late-night tv.

Phoebe Fay said...

Now that he's retiring, I hear Alberto Gonzales is going to start writing self-help books. "Secrets to a Highly Effective Memory" is the first one up.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I suppose the book about singing like Britney teaches you how to lip sync while going commando...

Colonel Colonel said...

Phoebe- that title has been delayed because Alberto cannot recall where he put the manuscript.

PrePonderings- In fact, every purchaser of her book is entered in a contest -the loser goes on tour with her next year.

C.Rag said...

My book was a picture book. No words.

Sirdar said...

Some darn good books there!! Does the Baghdad book come with regular updates?

Colonel Colonel said...

C.Rag- Is it a "pop-up" book? I hear they're very popular.

Sirdar- No updates. Not much changes in Baghdad.