Friday, March 09, 2007

Too Much Book-Larning is a Dangerous Thing-


I’ve done a little research,
I just had to take a look,
Beyond the jacket blurbings,
Of this used hardcover book.

I want to share my keen excitement!
I want to share insightful views!
I want to tell prospective buyers,
Why this book’s the latest news!

Then I found one minor problem;
I discovered as I read,
That it seems, every so often,
Some things are better left... unsaid.

What to add, and what to leave out,
And with my customers be square?
I don’t want to be evasive-
But should I (for instance) share-

That the author was a drunkard?
That the author was a bum?
That he liked to catch live sparrows,
And then pickle them in rum?

That he took his neighbor Kelso,
And his auntie from up north,
And served them both as Bar-b-que
Just last July the fourth?

That the “facts” with which the author
Made his point and raked in loot,
Are, as I write, the subject of
a defamation suit?

That the drawings are just ghastly?
That the photographs are worse?
And on the title (in purple marker)
Someone’s penned an obscene verse?

That the whole book looks quite moldy?
And it appears at some past time,
That someone used it as a coaster,
For a glass or two of slime?

That the grammar is atrocious?
That the text block smells of pee?
That after holding it ten seconds,
I get odd throbbings in my knee?

That the publisher’s a Klansman?
That the covers both are gone?
And that there are nine-hundred copies,
For sale on Amazon.com?

While I yearn for full disclosure,
Too much info makes some vexed;
It might be better if I just write-
Used copy - classic text”.


catalyst said...


Mike said...

Why does this whole thing remind me of a used book store? Oh wait, never mind. I know now.

Colonel Colonel said...

Catalyst- thanks! Actually, I came up with this after doing some research on the author of a very respected 1920s book on ancient Greek pottery; it turns out he became a raving Nazi in the 1930s and 40s, and started writing books linking Germnany to the Great Hellenic Heritage, as he put it. Well, that's all very interesting, but it may not help me sell the book...

Mike- Just to keep things straight, we buy cruddy old used books and sell Rare Vintage Tomes. That way we can quadruple the price.

I tried doing it the other way around, but it didn't work out so well.

Joey Polanski said...

It souns like a Dr Seuss book.

Aint quite sure why.

Colonel Colonel said...

Joey- Dr. Suess? Hmmm...

Does Horton have a dirty book?
Horton has to take a look-
What -is- the Cat,
doing with that hat?
and why is the Fox,
giggling like that?
And who is that with the lusty moan?
Oh! It's Cindy Lou Who-
She's -really- grown!

Phoebe Fay said...

Here I thought you'd just been spending too much time on bitchfuckers.

Colonel Colonel said...

Phoebe- I have no idea what you are talking about...

None. Nada. Zippo.

You can't make me talk, copper!

jgodsey said...


Colonel Colonel said...

Gods- thanks!