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Sunday, August 31, 2008

Presidential Fitness Test: #1

Hey there, campers, the staff at MMB hopes you're all having a good Labor Day Weekend, and we wanted to take a moment to reveal the results of the very first Presidential Fitness Test we'll be administering to the two Presidential candidates from time to time.

This week's test was the first any Presidential candidate faces, and it's an easy one to pass- picking a good Vice Presidential running mate.

Now I know we're all heard a lot of chatter about how hard it is to get this one right, and it's true that it's a hard test to get an "A" on if you're taking all the electoral and political considerations into account and grading from "A" to "F", but we're not- we're simply grading "Pass" or "Fail", because the aspect of the test we think is most important is the most basic one- is the running mate qualified to take over as President of the United States if something happens to you?

After all, that's the only Constitutional consideration- taking over from the President is the only reason we have a Vice President in the first place. Ability to work with the President, bringing in voter blocks, or regional blocks, filling out weak sports in the President's resume- that's all frill. A Presidential candidate passes or fails this most basic test based on whether or not their pick is fully capable of taking over the leadership of the entire country at a moment's notice, startng Day One. All in all, it's a fairly easy test, not too hard to pass. I can't recall a candidate who's had any real trouble with it. it's really sort of, you know, pro-forma.

So, let's see how the candidates did-

Barack Obama was up first, and I see he picked a running mate named J. Biden, who's been a distinguished United States Senator for more than 30 years with deep foreign and domestic policy experience. J. Biden is widely respected by his colleagues, and works well with members of the opposing party, and is in fact a personal friend of the competing candidate for President.

John McCain was up second, and let's see how he did- oh, well, uh, he picked a running mate named S. Palin, who has a degree in journalism, served a term as mayor of their hometown, population 7,000, and has worked for the last 20 months as governor of a state with a population one quarter the size of Chicago, Illinois. hmmm. Wait a minute-

[Are we sure that's all the card says? ... really? ... how odd. Are we sure he understood the question? ... well, all right, I guess so. ok, let's go live- ]

Sorry for the delay there, folks, but we have our final grades in this, well, frankly fairly easy test. So let's see the results-




[I'm sorry, are we really sure he understood the question???]

10 comments:

Catalyst said...

Sorry, we couldn't contact McCain. He's relaxing over the Labor Day weekend at one of his 4, or is it 7, or 8 or 10 homes with his wife, the beer baroness.

C.Rag said...

But you forgot to say she's just a hockey mom. And she's an awful local news sportscaster.

Also she wears/wore "Busty" tees.

This says experience to me

Cissy Strutt said...

Here is our Deputy Prime Minister, Julia Gillard. She has already led the country as acting PM while Tintin was away - the first woman to do so. She has a mind like a steel trap, and her abilities and competencies are in areas which complement Tintin's. She has ignored comments about her hair, clothes, child-free state, and lack of fruit in her fruit bowl, and got on with her work. And she's a ranga. What more could we want?

Sorry about yours.

Colonel Colonel said...

Catalyst: I wonder if he uses a dart board to figure out which house to stay at?

C.Rag: I saw a video of her sportscasting earlier today- she stuuuunk.

Cissy: Glad to hear you have a competent #2. Actually, I have decided to begin referring to our two as "J. Biden" amd "S. Palin" to remove the element completely, as it has nothing to do with her ability to do the job, and is simply a distraction. When you look at them as sexless entities the utter absurdity of mCcain picking S. Palin becomes blindingly striking.

Colonel Colonel said...

OOPS- in the sentence "to remove the element completely" please insert the word "gender" so it reads "to remove the gender element completely".

Mike said...

Yes but S's tits are bigger than J's.

So sorry, but it had to be said. Now carry on please.

Malach the Merciless said...

Sarah Palin putting the Whore Back in GOP . . .

Yeah it made sense when I wrote it.

Indrani Bhattacharya said...

Colonel,

I visited the first time and kept coming back because I found a rivetting combination of political analysis, humour and sensitivity in your blog posts.

I never imagined that today I'd find my own blog address put up here!

Thank you so much, for the honour of having me here. I'm adding your blog to my list.

Keep posting!

Beach Bum said...

Yeah, but she shoots her own rifles and eats moose burgers. Now if we get her to take Cheney on a hunting trip we might have something here. That is if Cheney didn't shoot her first.

Malicious Intent said...

So what you are saying is that not only is McCain incapable of using a computer or the "internets" but he cannot read a job application either. Correct?