Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Bullshit Bingo

Somebody sent this to me and with all the talk of offices and work lately, I thought some of my fellow bloggers might enjoy it-

How to Stay Awake at Meetings

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size.

Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

* synergy
* strategic fit
* core competencies
* best practice
* bottom line
* revisit
* expeditious
* to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
* 24/7
* out of the loop
* benchmark
* value-added
* proactive
* win-win
* think outside the box
* fast track
* result-driven
* empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base
* at the end of the day
* touch base
* mindset
* client focus(ed)
* paradigm
* game plan
* leverage

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"

TESTIMONIALS from satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:

-- "I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won.." -
Adam W., Atlanta

-- "My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." -
David T., Orlando

-- "What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win."
Dan J., New York City

-- "The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box."
Ben G., Denver

-- "The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the third time in two hours. The Bullshit Bingo Championship will be played at the next meeting."
Rod H.


Sara Sue said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Back when I worked, I was a project manager, we played a similar game only silently. There were frequently outbursts of laughter that no one cared to share with the *team*.

Mike said...

The lady that was the CEO of the company I worked for in Ohio used to say "at the end of the day" constantly. In one of her meetings, I counted her saying it 11 times during that 20 minute meeting.

To this day when I hear that phrase, I have this little involuntary shudder.

Colonel Colonel said...

Sara- I do find myself yelling BULLSHIT! at the computer a lot, especially when reading political news, but it's not the same without an audience.

Mike- where did her employees hide the body?

Pope Benedict XVI said...

Hohoho, De Pope will use this at the next Conference of Cardinals, yes, yes!

Colonel Colonel said...

Popey- I think they'll enjoy it- after all, most of them are very well acquainted with the concept of bullshit.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Beautiful. I love it. I went through the whole Total Quality Management, First Time Quality/Continuous Improvement thing. We had quality circles (circle jerks), tiger team meetings, and process action team meetings. You're absolutely correct...BULLSHIT!
At every meeting my manager used to appoint a Time Keeper and a Gate Keeper to keep the meeting on track and on schedule. She didn't find it amusing when I would say "I'm Gozer the Gozarian, where is the Key Master."

Colonel Colonel said...

Bruce- Quality Circles, Time Keepers, Gate Keepers? They don't need consultants, they need an excorcist.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

that sounds simliar to asshole bingo that i played in college. only it was with people who answered questions, obviously pandering for attention and respect from the professor (or just dumbass answers in general, the rules were loose). anyway, there would be like three of us playing, and our seats would be the "free space", and the in the grid would be the other students. someone answers, you mark off that spot. soon as you get bingo, you shout out "ASSHOLE!" yes, it did get us kicked out of class a few times.

Malach the Merciless said...

Awesome, I will use this at my next managerial meeting with my staff, they already think I am nuts.

C.Rag said...

I play tic-tac-toe in meetings.

Anonymous said...

That is so funny.

All those words ARE used during meetings over and over again. ha ha

Catalyst said...

In my days in corporate wonderland, I came to the conclusion that ALL meetings were bullshit.

But, I guess this game just proves that, doesn't it?

Colonel Colonel said...

T-Bird- Kicked out of class for yelling ASSHOLE! Where'd you go, Bob Jones U?

Malach- This will prove it.

C-Rag- 'Tic Tac Toe' eh? I'm not sure what that's slang for, and I'm not sure I want to.

PrePondering- 'Bullshit', or the other ones?

Catalyst- The proof is in the pudding. Hey- how about throwing pudding at boring meetings? If we work in some midgets then T-Bird will be happy.


Oh Yes!!!! Bring on next years pay talks!!!!

Cash said...

Ha! I don't have to work!

I just put Hu-Mans' Heads on Poles!


Beach Bum said...

We have a new vice pres of operations who is full of all those neat phrases. It wouldn't be fair to play using him.

Cissy Strutt said...

I wish I worked at a place that had meetings now. I want to shout BULLSHIT to unsuspecting suits. At the end of the day. Going forward.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

well, we yelled it reaaaaalllly loud. also, it happened frequently. they only had so much patience. and no, i went to USF.

i wish we could play quarters during work meetings. at least then something would get accomplished

AngryMan said...

Shouldn't the Pres have a testimonial?

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Bingo!!!! What do I win?

Colonel Colonel said...

4-D: Great, now we're gonna be responsible for the largest strike in British history.


Beach Bum: True, fresh meat is too easy.

Cissy: I think you've captured the synergy of a good bottom line strategy, going forward, though we may have to revisit the benchmarks and touch base with anyone out of the loop before we get proactive and put this on the fast track.

T-Bird: You could get six or seven of you together and do the wave.

Angryman: He doesn't need a testimonial, he's the King of Bulshit already.

HTGT: Tickets to the next three meetings!!

Kaytie M. Lee said...

I would incorporate "going forward" and "and whatnot" to my squares. And possibly the use of "so" as filler.

Sirdar said...

I've seen that before. It wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so true. Of course the only people who actually talk like that are on Mahogany Row.

Bingo Jackpot said...

Played this at work and it was amazingly funny! Keeping a straight face whenever a buzz word was siad was the hardest part!

Anonymous said...

There are rumours that bingo is being banned in the US, is that true?
In the UK, bingo has suffered in recent months due to the ban on smoking in public places, causing smoking customers to either go outside for a cig and face the harsh cold (not a good move for the aged) or stay at home and not play, thus reducing the Bingo Gossip. But banning bingo completely is ridiculous! It is a very mind form of gambling at the most! If you’re going to ban bingo then the lottery has to go too surely? Isn’t that gambling?
Bingo is a number game, based on pure luck, so really it’s not even similar to other gambling games such as poker and sports betting. It’s just like buying a lottery ticket just you have to get more numbers! So then why is it such a problem? Its just takes away the older generations entertainment while the younger generations indulge in perfectly “legal” things like DRUGS! Can they not see which the bigger problem is?