Friday, March 07, 2008

It's Just So Confusticating

Back when I was 8 my mom caught me with some cookies just before dinner. After I whined awhile she said "Fine, you can eat those now, but if you do, you can't have desert." Of course I agreed and wolfed down the cookies. Imagine my surprise when, after dinner, I didn't get desert. Of course, being 8, I whined and screamed that even though I had been caught doing something I was not supposed to do and had been informed of the consequences of my actions in advance, and accepted them, it still WASN'T FAIR!!!

I'm not actually sure what made me remember that incident- I was reading about the brouhaha over the Florida and Michigan Democratic delegates who claim they have to be seated at the convention when it came to mind. Weird, huh?

American Idol has its' Final Twelve, and it's a very good field this year. I'm pulling for Irish lass Carly Smithson who can sing the bejeezus out of a song. Ryan Seacrest, who must wake up every morning, sink to his knees and whisper, "God I'm the Luckiest Talentless SOB on Earth", announced that starting next week they will be taking viewer phone calls during the results show. I've been trying to come up with a joke about something I'd find more annoying, but can't do it. I can't wait.

For those who pooh-pooh the idea of sinking into the sofa after work with a brewski or two, well, I guess you'll never build a National Landmark. I'm hoping Ted Velvet builds the East Coast version of this.

What a bizarre travesty it is that the Japanese continue to hunt whales under the guise of "scientific investigation". Well, now the continuing battle between the Japanese whaling fleet and anti-whaling activists seems to be close to turning into a shooting war. OK, fine. If the Japanese want to continue to slaughter 1,000 whales a year as a "science experiment", maybe the anti-whaling activists should start to "experiment" with the "scientific impact" of nuclear weapons on an average whale-fishing vessel... hey, anything in the name of "science", right?

Speaking of science, if you haven't taken a few minutes to see these textbook disclaimers, do so soon. I can't decide if my favorite is- "This textbook contains a chapter about general relativity, a theory that very few scientists actually understand. And because Einstein was an atheist, it must certainly be incorrect" or "This book explains the difference between a fact and a myth. If you feel this insight would in any way undermine your belief in magic, please close it immediately."

Still, science always seems to leave more questions than answers, which makes me very confused, and I don't like being confused. Or "confusticated", as The Decider would say. So whenever I'm confused, I turn to two hot girls in a shower-

Have a great weekend, everyone!


Mike said...

I don't hunt whales for scientific experiments. I hunt them for the sheer thrill of it. Also, I totally want to re-enact that scene from Moby Dick where I get all tangled up in the ropes from the harpoons and get to ride the whale for a while. That looks like so much fun.

Two hot girls in the shower?

I've done far worse for a really good grilled cheese sandwich with dill pickles.

Colonel Colonel said...

I'd certainly do the two hot girls in the shower for a really goo grilled cheese sandwich with dill pickles.

C.Rag said...

Michigan needs to stop their whining, but FL has a right to since they had to move because of the Republicans & funding. The DNC should punish them for that.

Malach the Merciless said...

Wow . . . I am gonna get all my advice from two hot girls is the shower

Phoebe Fay said...

I have to get some headphones so I can hear what the girls in the shower were saying.

I think this is my favorite of the stickers: This book claims an Intelligent Designer (the man formerly known as God) carefully crafted all life on earth. Please turn your head away from the book when you spew coffee through your nose.

Actually, I need a similar warning label on a number of websites.

Colonel Colonel said...

C.Rag: ok, I'll give you a fairness problem in Florida, but perhaps they should re-run the race. The whole thing has just become a huge mess.

Malach: They are truly wise. In one episode they debunk the myth of reindeer.

Phoebe: Some politicians need to have that label pasted across their foreheads as well.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Those damn whalers!!! I've been following that story; I wish I was on the "Steve Irwin" lobbing stink bombs at the murder ships. Disgusting.

I can't listen to the showering girls because I'm at work.

And my marmalade is still on the grocery store shelf - I couldn't decide which flavor I wanted.

Mike said...

Michigan was like a spoiled little kid when it came to setting the primary date.

Mom told you not to do it but you did it anyway.

They're acting like a bunch of dummies over it now.

Beach Bum said...

Ryan Seacrest, who must wake up every morning, sink to his knees and whisper, "God I'm the Luckiest Talentless SOB on Earth"

Believe it or not as I was walking down the hallway at work the other day I heard someone talking with the person he was with saying something that George Bush and Seacrest have something in common. The statement was rather odd so while I didn't hear the rest I did remember it. That is obliviously the rest of the statement.

If mom is good looking, damn straight have sex with her. The grill cheese is purely icing on the cake.

Colonel Colonel said...

HTGT: Yeah, this whaling thing really sickens me. I think you can probably watch Hot Girls anywhere- they're Pretty Safe for Work.

Mike: I guess the theory is that if you cry long enough you'll get your way. It'll probably work.

BB: Yes, Bush & Ryan are both talentless twits who ht it big somehow. And I'm with you- a hot mamma and grilled cheese sandwich is really a win-win situation.

Malach the Merciless said...

Malach has give out his first ever blog awards, and you have won one, congrats!