Tuesday, March 04, 2008
I Know It Must Be True, I Read It On The Internets-
This campaign season has been very confusing for me. So many facts flying around, and debates, and all that crap. But like the song says, I'm just a Simple Man, so I decided to go up on the web and find out the truth about the candidates without being distracted by irrelevant stuff, like the candidates themselves. What I learned was really eye-opening let me tell you, and I am so glad that I decided to become an Informed Voter.
So, for those of you voting today, or who may vote in the future, here is some of what I learned on the interwebs-
-Barack Obama is a secret Muslim who was recruited by Osama Bin Laden to become President, and once he does he is going to burn all our Bibles and make Scarlett Johansen wear a burkah.
-Hillary Clinton wants to take away all our guns and sell America to the United Nations.
-John McCain is actually a secret agent for the Red Chinese.
-Hillary Clinton will only appoint lesbians to the Supreme Court, and she's going to paint the White House pink.
-John McCain is Ted Kennedy's secret gay boy-toy.
-Barack Obama's willingness to talk to foreign leaders we don't like will destroy America, turn our kids into Muslims, and give us all scabbies.
-Barack Obama flew one of the planes into the World Trade Center.
-John McCain is really no different than Dennis Kucinich, even though Kucinich has a hotter wife.
Hillary Clinton cut off Bill's balls and had them surgically implanted in her you-know-what.
Mike Huckabee is a nut job. (well, I actually knew that before I went on the internets).
I hope you found this as educational as I did. I am going to go vote for Chuck Norris now.