Now We Know-

Here at MMB we never take the news at face value. Our crack staff of researchers and investigators are always at their desks snoozing playing video poker working hard to get at the real, smelly underbelly of today's Top Stories as misreported by such disreputable rags as CNN and The New York Times.

We have uncovered highly-unlikely sensitive gossip information throwing light on what really went on in that airport bathroom stall between Senator Larry Craig and an undercover police officer.

We proudly present the Top Ten REAL reasons Senator Craig was acting so oddly-


10. The Senator had a dream that Arab terrorists were using that bathroom stall to pass around stolen nuclear bomb plans and as a Patriotic American he needed to check it out.

9. He belongs to a small sect of Pentacostals who commune with God by tapping and waving in bathroom stalls, and he's mad as heck that his Freedom of Religion has been tampered with.

8. It's all that damned Idaho Tribune's fault.

7. On further consideration, the Senator admits that if he's going to drink 12 cups of coffee before 10 am, he really should switch to decaf.

6. Two words: Nine-eleven.

5. The Senator would like to answer all your questions, but he feels he needs to spend more time with his family.

4. An undercover police officer? Up until last Wednesday that stall had always been Dick Cheney's favorite "undisclosed location".

3. People are jumping to conclusions- just because you plead guilty to soliciting sex in a men's rest room, that doesn't mean you're gay.

2. He was practicing to audition for 'So You Think You Can Dance!' next season because he thinks that Nigel Lythgoe Cat Deeley is totally hot.

1. It was all an innocent mistake- he thought the undercover officer was his meth dealer.