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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Campaign News You May Have Missed-


Fox News announced this week that it has tapped Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter to anchor its' 'Fair and Balanced Coverage' of the 2008 Democratic National Comnvention. According to a Fox News spokesman, the theme of this year's 'Fair and Balanced Coverage' will be "Which Democrat Will Betray America to Our Enemies the Fastest?". The spokesman reiterated that the coverage would be fair and balanced, and that "No preferential treatment in our Fair and Balanced Coverage will be given to any Democrat candidate, whether he be Shrillary, B. Hussein Obama, or the silly short guy with the hot new wife.".

In response to efforts by other states to usurp New Hampshire's "first primary in the nation" status, New Hampshire has announced that it held its' Primary last month. Granite State Attorney General Jedidiah Bunko, Jr. would not disclose who won the surprise retroactive primary, but did tell reporters "So tell those [bad word deleted] in Michigan to take their [very bad word deleted] new January primary and [physically impossible and startlingly graphic anatomical suggestion deleted]".

On the Republican side of the campaign, former-New York city mayor Rudy Guiliani petitioned the New York 9th Circuit Court to legally change his middle name to '911', and reiterated his promise to build the new 'Freedom Tower' by himself, with both hands tied behind his back, using only toothpicks and spit.

Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney today denied ever having been Governor of Massachusetts. "Massachusetts? That America-hating, Gay-loving Pinko state? I've never even been there! " Romney told surprised reporters as he stood in front of his townhouse in Boston.

16 comments:

AngryMan said...

Nice, man, nice. The sad part is that all of that could be true, especially O'Reilly and Coulter anchoring the DNC.

Mike said...

I think having Coulter and O'Reilly anchor the coverage of the DNC is a great idea. At least that way we will know where they are.

Mitt Romney is Gay! Well, he used to be anyway.

Kerstin said...

I agree with Mike. At least we'd be able to keep tabs on 'em.

Colonel Colonel said...

Angryman- yes, it struck me as I was re-reading it that that is exactly the sort of thing Fox might really do.

But then, it's also the sort of thing Rudy might really do. It's a sick world.

Mike- I thought there were no gay Mormons? Doesn't God strike them with lightning or something?

Kerstin- I hear what you and Mike are saying, but I've always been more comfortable not knowing where either one was...

C.Rag said...

Mitt isn't gay. He just hides his other wives in his closet where he keeps his special underwear.

Instead of Guiliani's middle name change, he should just go for the whole first name.
President 911 Guiliani has a ring to it.

Mike said...

I think Rudy should change his last name because it is too complicated to spell.

I want to call him President Rudy 911 Dumpedmyoldwifeforanewone.

I think Mitt is just not practicing his Gayness. See, if you are gay and don't want to be you have to clear choices. You can become a Priest or a Mormon. I think we know which closet Mitt keeps his underwear in.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

I got halfway through this before I realized you were joking. I think.

Colonel Colonel said...

c.rag- I wonder if the folks in Iowa knew about the underwear before Mitt paid them $35 each to vote for him.

Mike- shouldn't that be "Rudy 911 Dumpedmyoldwifeforanewoneandthendumpedherforanothernewone"?

or was that John McCain?

Family Values Party my ass.

HTGT- Joking?

Mike said...

Hey...who turned out the lights?

Colonel Colonel said...

Mike- I heard that lights were bad for the environment.

I'm going to issue everyone Batboy and Batgirl costumes.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

whoa...where am I?

Colonel Colonel said...

HTGT- In the BatCave.

Joey Polanski said...

Whos gonna host FOXs covrage o th Rpublickan Convention?

Im guessin Fred Thompson -- wif special co-host, th corpse o Ronald Reagan.

Colonel Colonel said...

Joey- here in the BatCave we ate the remains of Ronnie Raygun, with bar-B-Q sauce, some ten years ago.

They were tough.

Fred Thompson has waited too long, and is gonna be Rosie O'Donnell's co-host on The Price is Right next year.

Joey Polanski said...

Rosie shoud be hostin Famly Food instead.

Colonel Colonel said...

Joey- Rosie ate Emeril and will be taking over his show on Food Network.

Also an update on your original question- since Ann & Bill will be hosting the Democrat 'We Hate America' Convention, it would only be Fair and Balanced to have them also host the Republican "We Love America and You'd Better Too" Convention.