Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Campaign News You May Have Missed-
Fox News announced this week that it has tapped Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter to anchor its' 'Fair and Balanced Coverage' of the 2008 Democratic National Comnvention. According to a Fox News spokesman, the theme of this year's 'Fair and Balanced Coverage' will be "Which Democrat Will Betray America to Our Enemies the Fastest?". The spokesman reiterated that the coverage would be fair and balanced, and that "No preferential treatment in our Fair and Balanced Coverage will be given to any Democrat candidate, whether he be Shrillary, B. Hussein Obama, or the silly short guy with the hot new wife.".
In response to efforts by other states to usurp New Hampshire's "first primary in the nation" status, New Hampshire has announced that it held its' Primary last month. Granite State Attorney General Jedidiah Bunko, Jr. would not disclose who won the surprise retroactive primary, but did tell reporters "So tell those [bad word deleted] in Michigan to take their [very bad word deleted] new January primary and [physically impossible and startlingly graphic anatomical suggestion deleted]".
On the Republican side of the campaign, former-New York city mayor Rudy Guiliani petitioned the New York 9th Circuit Court to legally change his middle name to '911', and reiterated his promise to build the new 'Freedom Tower' by himself, with both hands tied behind his back, using only toothpicks and spit.
Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney today denied ever having been Governor of Massachusetts. "Massachusetts? That America-hating, Gay-loving Pinko state? I've never even been there! " Romney told surprised reporters as he stood in front of his townhouse in Boston.