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Sunday, June 25, 2006

Sundays-

Well, after a half-week or so of good weather we're back into the rain again, with no good weather in sight through at least next Saturday. All that means more time spent in front of the computer, even Sunday mornings, which can have an upside- I just finished a draft of tomorrow morning's "State of Denial" which I think is pretty good. You can judge it for yourself anytime after about 8 a.m. tomorrow.

This morning's 'Parade' magazine has a cover story on Global Warming which is not what I expected- it's a pretty mainstream rag, so you'd think the story would be another of the "is it happening or isn't it?" type, but it wasn't- the story was focused on "how it is affecting us now." Being Parade, of course, it was pretty hysterical and got a lot of easy stuff wrong (such as blaming the increased power of last year's hurricanes on it, for which there is zero evidence), but still, I was somewhat shocked to see a story like that in a magazine like that which pretty much took Global Warming as a given, which, of course, it is.

We have a lot of Ebay auctions ending tonight- I wanted to get them in a week before the 4th of July weekend, which will probably be a little dead. We will be running auctions though, just to keep folks checking in, but we're going to put the nice, expensive stuff aside, for the most part, for a few weeks. That hunting book we were worried about ended up going for a bit over $400, so the bourbon we toasted it with was a good toast, not a weepy one.

And now, because it's Sunday, I dug up an old joke from the archives. You've probably heard this one before, but pretend you haven't...


It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day That you died. The policy would go in to affect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I started searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announces, "OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. "Sir, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died." The man said said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side!

Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the finger tips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy", he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later, former-President Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."

Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator..."

1 comment:

catalyst said...

Funny! I had not heard this one before.

Where's Mikey?