I'm visualizing duct tape over your mouth.
I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
How about never? Is never good for you?
You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
You validate my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
OK, everyone, any additions to the list?