Friday, April 07, 2006

And You-all Have Nice Day Now!

from the archives-

[Prominent Economy Hotel Chain Name Deleted]

Dear Fukwad,

Thank you for letting us know about your experience at our property in [deleted], Pennsylvania. Please accept the fact that we don't really give a flying fuck whether or not your experience was less than satisfactory. We got your credit card number, and we will pound, incinerate and julienne your credit record if you attempt a chargeback. While it is our goal to give at least some of our guests an adequate lodging experience, what you were expecting for $24.99 is, quite frankly, a mystery to all of us here at the Main Headquarters. It is disappointing to learn that we fell short of your expectations in this instance, but hey, life sucks and then you die.

A copy of your comments and of our records will be kept on file here for the next twenty years, in case you try something like this again. I can assure you that corrective measures will be taken if you do. We are committed to making a profit, and even bothering to answer your stupid letter is cutting into our Chairman's beach time in Bimini. Neither his wife nor his mistress is especially appreciative of that either, so if you don't want a pair of screaming, deranged, coked-up blondes on your doorstep using language that would make a Marine Corps drill Sergeant blush, I suggest you drop the matter right now.

Please know that we don't give a rat's ass whether your bed was clean or there was soap, or even a few used condoms, in the bathtub. Turn on the fucking shower and wash it out. It's a TUB, get it? Thank you for giving us the opportunity to take your money, now please leave us alone.


Guest Relations

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