Judge? We Don' Need No Steeenking Judge...

It looks as if New York Giants star Plaxico Burress is headed for jail, not for shooting somebody (he shot himself, but isn't pressing charges), and not for carrying an unregistered handgun into a New York nightclub. Heck, he could not have registered that gun even if he had wanted to, since he is a New Jersey resident and New York does not issue permits to out-of-state residents, nor recognize "licensed-to-carry" permits from other states (he does have a Florida permit).

Plaxico Burress is going to jail because the state of New York doesn't trust it's judges, and that steams me.

Several years ago New York state decided to take the "judging" part out of judges hands when it comes to carrying an unregistered firearm by passing a law that gives a mandatory 3.5 year jail sentence for a first offense. Now I don't know if three and a half years is too much, too little, or just right for that particular crime, and I don't really care, that's not the issue. The issue is that if we are going to have judges, it should be up to the judge to judge, on a case by case basis, what an appropriate sentence is. That's why we give them the robe, the high desk, the gavel and all those law books. In England they give them funny wigs. If we aren't going to also let them pass judgment we might as well replace them all with trained parrots. Parrots would be just as effective, and would add some color to otherwise drab courtrooms.

New York state is not alone in short-circuiting the criminal justice system- I'd guess most states have a variety of mandatory sentencing laws these days, and they're all bad ideas. I'm sure it's true that there are some judges who, on occasion, hand out unfairly light sentences, which is what these laws are designed to prevent. But to take the discretion out of the hands of all judges simply because a few make a mistake from time to time is rather like taking a sledgehammer to your television because you don't like American Idol- it's briefly satisfying yet ultimately foolish.

This really has nothing whatsoever to do with Plaxico Burress- the man's an idiot who did a stupid thing and he's damn lucky he's not singing soprano today, after jamming a loaded, un-holstered gun into the waistband of his sweatpants at a crowded club. But is that worth 3.5 years in prison? I don't know, maybe it is and maybe it isn't. I do think that in the case of Plaxico Burress, and in every other case, it should be up to a judge to decide.

Beijing Duck

I guess the Genocide Games begin today in China. As I blogged in April (and repeat some of that post here), I think it's time to re-think the Olympics.

It's a travesty that China is hosting the games, and its the worst sort of dark comedy that the IOC actually believed all the promises the Chinese government made them back when they were bidding to host the games and is now shocked, yes shocked that the Chinese government is now reneging on many of those promises.

I do feel sorry for the athletes, but in my book human rights are more important than sport, and we need to stop and ask ourselves whether it is morally right to ignore political repression, cultural genocide and the complete muzzling of all speech and dissent for millions of people, just so a few thousand people can play games for a few weeks, the rest of us can watch, and the television networks and Coca-Cola can make heaps of money. When criticizing the host government gets its citizens five years in prison, I think it trivializes the concept of human freedoms to say we'll look the other way so that somebody can run a 100-yard dash.

The problem does not begin and end with the China Games, of course. It began back in 1936 when Nazi Germany hosted the Games. The theory that the Olympics foster international understanding, and the notion that awarding the games to a certain country will have any effect whatsoever on their internal political policies, is an utter crock of bullshit. Nice idea -doesn't work.

So let's rethink the idea of the Olympics completely -they're too damned expensive for most countries to build facilities for anyway. The answer is to have all countries contribute to building and maintaining an international Olympics facility in Greece, and use it for every Olympics. Let every "nation" participate, and yes, I mean every "nation", not country. Nations of peoples- united ethnically and culturally, have been around for millenia, even as national boundary lines get re-drawn every generation. Let's cast aside the absurd argument about, for instance, "which" China gets to come. Let them both come. Let Tibet send a contingent, along with any other ethnic group that can claim "nation" status. That would include groups such as our own Sioux nation. Why not? I think that would be a blast.

Souper Tuesday-

Well, we're almost at SouperTuesday, as 24 states will vote or caucus¹ to pick some poor schmoe to run for Official Dickhead President of the United States. Adding to the misery suspense, while the Democratic contests tend to award delegates based on percentages of votes, the Republican contests are pretty much winner-take-all affairs. Well, that makes sense- to Republicans, if you come in second, you deserve to be fucked.

I know all the political asshats pundits are predicting results, so I thought I'm at least as much of an asshat as they are why not make a few predictions of my own?

ALABAMA: A surprise on the Republican side, as the frantic candidates discover there are actually no registered Republicans in Alabama. When an ABC News reporter poses the question "Then why did Rudy Guiliani spend $7 million campaigning there before he dropped out of the race?" a political analyst answers, "Because he's an idiot."

ALASKA: Since the Alaska caucuses are held about 18 hours after everyone in the rest of the country goes to bed, nobody will ever know, much less care, who wins there.

ARIZONA: John McCain scores an easy win on the Republican side, but loses points when a You-Tube video surfaces showing an out-of-control, obscenity-spewing McCain beating a 90-year old Romney poll watcher over the head with the man's own walker.

CALIFORNIA: No results are available in the Democratic races as Republican Governor Arnold Schwartzenaeger declares all Democratic voters to be "Sissy Girlie Men", who are "probably illegal immigrants anyways", and suspends the Democratic primary until everyone can prove they are U.S. citizens. On the Republican side everyone in Orange County votes for Ron Paul, who wins handily.

MASSACHUSETTS: John McCain surprises everyone by beating former Governor Mitt Romney 87% to 13%. Romney faces reporters in front of his longtime home in Belmont, Massachusetts and heatedly denies ever having been Governor of Massachusetts, ever having been to the state, or ever having heard of it before. Fox News airs the tape without comment, and Roger Ailes delivers a harsh diatribe accusing CNN, which questions Romney's truthfulness, as being "part of the Liberal-Homosexual Anti-American Left Wing Media Conspiracy."

MINNESOTA: According to the state's new Diebold voting machines, former Richard Nixon aide General Alexander Haig wins the Democratic primary with 36,000,000 votes in a state that only has 166,000 registered Democrats.

NEW JERSEY: Returns are not in yet, as New Jersey's governor holds polls open until all the dead citizens can vote. He declares he'll announce the results sometime after the Conventions.

OKLAHOMA: Mike Huckabee wins the Republican contest, after promising to ask God to divert all of next year's tornadoes to Texas.

UTAH: In an effort to "streamline" the election process, the state announces that Mitt Romney's will be the only name to appear on the Republican ballot. He loses to John McCain anyway.

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¹ From the Latin, "carcass" -a putrid, smelly dead thing nobody really wants to touch.

Tagged

Malicious Intent tagged me for a meme to list six non-important things/habits/quirks about myself. I'm then supposed to tag others, but I never do that. So, here goes-

1. I'm an idiot savant of bad 70s and 80s song lyrics. You sing it on karaoke nght, I can quote the words. We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun... Sylvia's mother said, Sylvia's leaving, she's catching the 9 o'clock train...

2. My favorite movies include 'Rashomon', 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation', and 'Die Hard' & 'Die Hard 2'. Go figure. I'm a fan of action and voluptuous women- Bonnie Bedalia, Beverly D'Angelo, and my wife.

3. If I could live anywhere, I'd live in Florence, Italy. Amy studied art there, and we went there on our honeymoon. That was before Shrubby was Presidink and and they all still liked us. These days, I wouldn't care.

4. I'm one of those odd people who can watch a car crash and immediately think "gee, I hope there wasn't a dog or cat in either car". People can take care of themselves, but animals always suffer...

5. I'm far too radical and obsessive. In daily life I am quite calm. But then I believe things like, if the UN was to move in, and there was a war between US troops and the UN to take Bush in for trial, I would absolutely be on the side of the UN, and would take up arms against the United States... I suppose that declaration could get me in trouble- again, I don't care. Bush is an international criminal. I'm quite glad to declare that. Come get me. The criminal proceedings against Bush are the only way to get the United States back in the international world. My forefathers have been here since the 1700s... we have fought for this country, every generation since the 1750s- since 200 YEARS BEFORE Bush dodged the draft. My forefsthers died in the French & Indian War, and the American Revolution; my own father lied about his age to join in the fight in WWII. We would ALL join to condemn Gorge Bush's ILLEGAL regime.

6.I like roses. Please send me some in Gitmo.

Get a Grip-

Uusally I reserve my political rants for my Mulligrubbers blog, but this story was too bizarre not to share with you all. I thank Malach for bringing it to my attention-

(CNN) -- Sudan has arrested a British teacher for insulting faith and religion, the British Foreign Office said Monday. Gillian Gibbons, 54, is being held by police in Sudan's capital, Khartoum. Numerous media reports say Gibbons was arrested after allowing her class of 7-year-olds to name a teddy bear "Mohammed."

That could be seen as an insult to the Prophet Mohammed, the reports said.

Say again???

Gibbons asked the children to pick a name for the bear as part of a lesson on animal habits at Unity High School, the Press Association said. A British Embassy spokesman in Khartoum was quoted as saying the naming of the bear did not cause immediate trouble. "The children chose the name because it is very common here," the spokesman told PA. This happened in September and the parents did not have a problem with it." Unity director Robert Boulos told Reuters news agency that Gibbons was arrested Sunday at her home on school grounds after a number of parents made a complaint to Sudan's Ministry of Education. Boulos told Reuters he had decided to shut the school until January for fear of reprisals.

Well, you name a teddy bear, you gotta take the consequences.

Blasphemy is punishable with 40 lashes under Islamic Sharia law, Britain's Press Association news agency reported. "This is a very sensitive issue," Boulos was quoted as saying on Reuters.com. "We are very worried about her safety," he added. "This was a completely innocent mistake. Miss Gibbons would have never wanted to insult Islam."

And now one more snippet, from yesterday's New York Times column by Thomas Friedman, abour our "pals" the Saudis-

One of the most talked about stories in the Middle East last week came out of Saudi Arabia, where the government affirmed the sentence of 200 lashes for a 19-year-old Shiite girl who was sitting in a car with a male acquaintance last year when they were attacked by seven men who gang-raped both of them. The Saudi Justice Ministry said the young woman deserved 200 lashes and six months in prison, even though she had been raped, because she was guilty of “illegal mingling” — sitting in a car with a man who was not related to her.

Am I being overly critical, or are these people, um, nuts? I mean, like, nuttier than a Snickers bar. Religion is one thing, and this isn't a knock against the Islamic religion, but against certain people, and entire nations, who have lost all sense of perspective. We certainly have our own Christian nutburgers right here in America, including the Holier-Than-Everyone Fred Phelp'sers, the people who "Thank God for 9-11" because it was His punishment for not stoning all gays to death. The difference is that our nutburgers do not (yet) run the government and write the laws. In Sudan and Saudi Arabia they do.

C'mon folks- either get a grip or go back to your home planet.

Monday Musings-

Pakistani President Asshole Musharref has invoked the name of our own Abraham Lincoln in his latest crackdown against protest, democracy, opponents and the courts. Although some historians have questioned a few of Lincoln's legal actions during the American Civil War what the asshole hiding Bin Laden Musharref seems to be missing is that in order to hold onto power at any cost he is invoking the name of a man who believed in the election process so deeply that there was never any question about whether America would have an election in the middle of a civil war, even though the sitting President fully expected to lose.

I didn't think anyone was capable of out-ironying Bush-Cheney, but the asshole hiding Bin-Laden Musharref seems to be doing it.

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I've re-designed Mulligrubbing Fudgenuts and posted new content, so go on over if y'all like (I mean, you know, puuuuhlease...).

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The writer's union in Hollywood went on strike today. The issue is internet revenues- the writers want their share of them. The studios say there is no money there, so why bother? Interesting question. I've got a relative who is involved in this question on the side of writers in the book-publishing industry, where the publishers are also trying to cut out the writers from any associated internet revenue. Here's my question-

I heard a spokesman for the studios say today that your average studio writer will lose more money in a week of striking than he would realize in years and years of internet revenue sharing. Well, ok, if that's the case (that there's very, very little money being made on the internet) why not give the writers their miniscule share? I mean, hey, 5% of nothing is nothing, right? Surely if there's no money being made, the studios can afford to cut the writer in for a small percentage of nothing, yes?

Cool! Problem resolved. Strike over. Unless, of course, the studios are lying...

Fay Wray says "that makes sense!"

Well, Slap a Pickle on Me and Call Me a Grilled Cheese Sandwich...

Stunned, I am stunned to see good documentary-making going on here.

I am a long-time loather of Ken Burns' "documentaries". His various stylistic conceits, which others see as cool, I see as crap unscholarly, anti-historical and just plain confusing and a pain in the ass to watch if you are trying to put anything into a recognizable historical context. His 'Civil War' series had me foaming at the mouth within fifteen minutes.

However, just as a broken clock is bound to be right twice each day, somehow or other Burns gets it right with his new documentary about America in World War II, titled simply 'The War', which began last night and runs, as far as I can tell, for most of the rest of the month. It is compelling, moving and thought-provoking.

My wife calls me the most militarily-inclined pacifist she has ever known. It's true- military history fascinates me. I want to know why people wage war, and how they feel about doing it- not the generals, but the enlisted people on the line. For one reason or another I feel that's very important to understand. Two good books that make good reading for those interested in the topic of war and how it is viewed by the individual soldier are "Closing with the Enemy. How GIs Fought the War in Europe, 1944-45" by Michael D. Doubler, and "The World Within War. America's Combat Experience in World War II" by Gerald F. Linderman. I read the first one a month ago and am about halfway through the second one at the moment.

One thing Burns' documentary seems to be doing is deflating the myth of WWII as a "Good War". It was certainly a "Necessary War", but there is absolutely no such thing as a "Good War", and there never has been. I'll be interested to see, in the very long run, how this film affects Americans perceptions of the current war in Iraq.

As stunned as I find myself to say it, Burns' 'The War' is damned good tv and well worth watching.

Puuuuuurrrrrrrrrr...

I mentioned a few weeks ago that one of my Top Ten Peeves includes folks who say "Well, of course I've never heard/read/watched [whatever], but..." and then proceed to criticize it. Of course, my own sense of Peevosity at other's actions has never prevented me from doing the same thing, when the [whatever] in question is of such blatant stupidity that I feel no need to see/hear/watch it first.

And speaking of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical 'Cats'...

So ok, the musical made its' debut, um, 25 years ago, and this past weekend I finally watched the full-blown original-cast version on dvd. Or, to be completely honest, I was at somebody else's house and they got me drunk enough so that I could not stand up properly and then proceeded to pop it on the dvd player.

My first comment will be that since Sir Andy got a knighthood out of it, and millions of people had coughed up a gawdawful amount of money to see it, and it ran for twenty years on Broadway, obviously the judgement of Society is that it has redeeming qualities.

Then again, Society also judges that turnips, "My Name is Raymond", and Celene Dion have redeeming qualities.

To begin with, I will admit that I enjoyed watching it. That is because half the cast were lithe female dancers who were dressed in skin-tight leotards. What's not to like? I'm afraid that female viewers may not get the same effect viewing the male dancers whose, um, "assets" were (unlike, say, ballet dancers) pretty well invisible.

The libretto was also quite fine, but Sir Andrew stole that from T.S. Elliot, so while I give him credit for good taste, it was not "Evita" (and for such small blessings I thank a Benevolent God).

The basic problem with the show was that it was 45 minutes of material stretched to two hours, and Sir Andrew only provided 12 minutes of original music, repeated over and over and over and over. The most famous song, "Memory", is quite haunting, and especially lovely when sung by Elaine Page. But she sings it 16 times. And the song itself has only 1 verse, which is repeated eight times each of the 16 times she sings it.

"Eighth verse, same as the first!"

By the end I was hoping a rabid coyote would gallop onto the stage and devour her on the spot, or that the big boot that comes whanging down in the opening scene would appear again and flatten her.

The rest of the music, with the exception of a nifty little number written for Macavity, all sounds exactly the same, and it's, well, not that interesting.

I understand that a lot of people love the show, and I'm probably full of horse manure, so I feel obliged to say something really nice about it in closing.

Let's see. Ah! I know.

It's much better than Sir Andrew's 'Phantom of the Opera'.

And for such small miracles I thank a Benevolent God.

10 Little Things-

There are plenty of things in the world that are REALLY upsetting- war, pestilence, illiteracy, arrogance, willful stupidity & Donald Trump, for instance. But then there are those little things we encounter each day which are tiny on the Cosmic Scale, but annoy us anyway. I humbly offer my own list; please feel free to contribute your own, and then we'll see what we can do about it all...

10 LITTLE THINGS THAT ANNOY THE F--K OUT OF ME

- 10-mile-a-gallon SUV's with a slew of "I Support Our Troops" magnets plastered all over the back. These folks may be being ironic, but I don't think so.

- The use of the word "impact" instead of "affect", especially in news stories, or on NPR, where they should know better.

- Parents who obliviously block the aisle in the supermarket while having a serious discussion with their 2-year old about what kind of foreign cheese he'd like her to buy this week (an actual incident).

- The person behind you and in the lane to your left on the highway who just has to kick in the afterburners and get it up to 90 so they can get to the exit ahead of you.

- People who blame God for their own bigotry (as in "I have nothing against gay people, but God hates them").

- People who really believe that Fox News is fair and balanced.

- People who, when you say 'thank you", say "No Problem," instead of "You're welcome".

- People who begin a sentence by saying "Well, of course I've never heard/read/watched [insert name of music/show/book here], but..." and then proceed to criticize it.

- The fact that newspapers all seem to have fired their copy editors and now rely on spellcheck.

- turnips.

You say Tomato...

I played this game last year with y'all, but it's always fun to play again.

The answers to some questions tell you a lot about a person-

Gin or vodka? [later note: I mean in your martini]
Beatles or Stones?
(and John or Paul?)
Butter or margarine?
PC or Mac?
Beach or mountains?
Sean Connery or Roger Moore?
Hardcover or paperback?

and so on.

It's always interesting to get some more input on Questions That Divide the World in Two. Jump right in- what are your answers, and what other questions tell you the most about a person?

For the record, my answers are: gin, Beatles, Paul, butter, both, beach, Sean Connery, & hardcover.

UPDATE: I dumped the regional variations, as most of them mean nothing to anyone else, and I wanted to have some room to add other people's additions to the main list.

Additions courtesy of Kaytie M. Lee:

Dog or Cat?
Prius or Hummer?
Cold or Hot? (weather, that is)
Cold or Hot? (beverages, that is)
Loft or Condo?

Cissy Strutt adds:

AFL or League?
Abbott or Costello? (no, not the funny ones)
Tassy or The Territory?
James Squire or James Boag?
Vegimite or Promite?