um...

Regular viewers, please excuse this programming interruption for a local memo.

MEMO

TO: The New England Patriots

RE: Blowing 14-0 lead against pitiful Miami Dolphins, giving up interception with 32 seconds to go, said interception resulting in Dolphins field goal & 22-21 Pats loss.

TEXT:

WTF ?????

Monday, Monday-

It's been a hectic week or two here as I've been buried under books and catalogs. Gotta go catch up on your blogs and take a look at the weather forecast- oh, shit, it's gonna snow tomorrow. Well, all the more time to blog. I have to share this one- 'Arlo and Janis' is one of our favorite comics, and Jimmy Johnson has a special affinity for drawing their cat, Ludwig.

(That's a little small. Full size is here.)

See y'all in the next day or two, and lets be careful out there!

Mondays-

It's a gray, freezing-rain-drizzle Monday, so time for some fun. This was sent to me by a Wisconsin friend-

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Wisconsin is planning to do it's own entitled "Survivor - Wisconsin Style"....

The contestants will start in Milwaukee, travel up to Sheboygan and on to Manitowoc and Green Bay. Then they will head over to Wausau and up to Rhinelander and Minocqua. From there they will proceed up to Ashland and Superior. Then back down through Rice Lake, Eau Claire and all the way down to Madison and back over to Milwaukee. Each contestant will be driving a pink Volvo with Illinois license plates and a large bumper sticker that reads: Brett Favre is Gay. I'm a vegetarian. Bratwurst clogs your arteries. The Green Bay Packers suck. Go Bears. Cheese is high in cholesterol. Hillary in 2008. Deer hunting is murder and I'm here to confiscate your guns.

The first one that makes it back to Milwaukee alive WINS! Good luck to all contestants.

-

And this from a relative in Maine. It's real. The moose bonded to some draft horses as a baby and the farmer eventually broke him to harness. Gotta love my Mainiac forebears-

Monday Musings-

Pakistani President Asshole Musharref has invoked the name of our own Abraham Lincoln in his latest crackdown against protest, democracy, opponents and the courts. Although some historians have questioned a few of Lincoln's legal actions during the American Civil War what the asshole hiding Bin Laden Musharref seems to be missing is that in order to hold onto power at any cost he is invoking the name of a man who believed in the election process so deeply that there was never any question about whether America would have an election in the middle of a civil war, even though the sitting President fully expected to lose.

I didn't think anyone was capable of out-ironying Bush-Cheney, but the asshole hiding Bin-Laden Musharref seems to be doing it.

-

I've re-designed Mulligrubbing Fudgenuts and posted new content, so go on over if y'all like (I mean, you know, puuuuhlease...).

-

The writer's union in Hollywood went on strike today. The issue is internet revenues- the writers want their share of them. The studios say there is no money there, so why bother? Interesting question. I've got a relative who is involved in this question on the side of writers in the book-publishing industry, where the publishers are also trying to cut out the writers from any associated internet revenue. Here's my question-

I heard a spokesman for the studios say today that your average studio writer will lose more money in a week of striking than he would realize in years and years of internet revenue sharing. Well, ok, if that's the case (that there's very, very little money being made on the internet) why not give the writers their miniscule share? I mean, hey, 5% of nothing is nothing, right? Surely if there's no money being made, the studios can afford to cut the writer in for a small percentage of nothing, yes?

Cool! Problem resolved. Strike over. Unless, of course, the studios are lying...

Fay Wray says "that makes sense!"

Monday Musings-

Amy and I were driving home last Monday afternoon when we passed a house with the remains of a weekend yard sale sitting there beside the road in several cardboard boxes with a big, nicely-lettered "FREE" sign in front of them. Amy got out and poked around but didn't see anything, but I knew what I wanted, so I took the sign. Hey, it said it was free.

-

Speaking of truth in advertising, driving to a bookfair Saturday morning we passed a store called "The Final Markdown" and they had big signs in their windows announcing their "Big Fall Sale".

Now how can a store called "The Final Markdown" then put stuff on sale?

-

The dj of the morning show on our local Country station has a daily quiz (yes, I listen to country music when the news on NPR gets too depressing). Last week he asked the following question, and I was surprised that it took 8 callers before he got a correct answer-

William's wife Wendy was washing woolens while weeding her wonderful wildflowers. How many "W"s are there in all?

Now, I assumed everyone had heard a variation of this riddle before, but if you haven't and are still puzzling, ask yourself what question is really being asked.

It's a rainy, gloomy Monday here in Western Massachusetts, but we're all happy because both the Sox and Pats won yesterday, and there's no snow in the forecast.

It feels like a Veronica Lake sort of day.


UPDATE:

A new commenter, Moooog35, appeared this morning in response to this post, so I mosey'd on over to take a look at his blog and read the funniest damn thing I've read in a long time. It's called "Raisins are People Too". I see a few of you have already found this, but anyone who has not yet seen it needs to go over, NOW.

Monday, Monday...

Anyone else having one of those Mondays... ?

Just Because It's a Hot Monday in July-

[The thing I love most about blogging is the discussion that goes on in the 'comments' section afterwards. This video ended up giving us the following poem, written by Cissy Strutt, based on a phrase invented by Phoebe Fay!]

It took me by surprise
And just like that
I fell in the water
Waddle waddle thwack splat

I thought my stroll
would be a doddle
no thwack or splat
to disturb my waddle

For impersonating Nuns
I have a knack
but every so often
I feel that thwack

Is someone saying
I am too fat?
To put a thwack
In my waddle waddle splat?

In the simple days
A waddle was just that.
Not a waddle waddle
Waddle waddle
Waddle thwack
Splat

Waddle waddle
Waddle waddle
Waddle
Thwack
Splat

Thoughts for a Distracted Monday-

The weekend and week so far have been nuts- no time to finish any of the original, interesting blog posts I had in mind. But Audrey Tatou and I had some stray thoughts for a distracted Monday, stolen from somewhere else-

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, and you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30??

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Monday, Monday...

A beautiful spring morning at Foggygates! It's going to be near 80 today, a day to sit on the porch with a good book and sip lemonade instead of hunkered down over the computer in my office. For those commuting to work today to their own offices, it could be worse- you could have to deal with boarding the commuter train using the railway's new "Super-Dooper Express Service"...

Monday, Monday...

Another cold and rainy start to the week here at Foggygates- I think I'm beginning to notice a trend.

In fact, it's so rainy here in New England that all the Patriot's Day celebrations and activities have been called off- all the parades in Concord and Arlington and the other towns, the re-enactment of the embattled farmers standing up against the British troops at Lexington Green -everything. About the only Patriot's Day acitvity going on is the Boston Marathon, and I understand that they are offering free snorkel equipment to the runners.

But even as the rain continues and I keep checking the basement for flooding, I'm reminded that there are worse ways to start the week...

I could, for example, be a human traffic light-

Monday, Monday-

A sunny Monday morning at Foggygates, but unseasonably cold. They say it may snow Thursday...

Still, better to be driving to work on a Monday morning when the sun is out than when it is raining or cloudy. My wife's aunt from New York likes to tell a story about Monday mornings back in the '50s. She used to spend her Summer weekends at a popular resort area several hundred miles from the city, and there were a large number of Manhattanites on the last, late-night train back to the city on Sunday night. The train got into Grand Central station at about 3 a.m., and instead of waking everyone up, the engineer would simply pull the passenger cars off onto a siding and let everyone sleep. Along about 6 or 7 a.m. people would start to get up, brush their teeth and wander off to work.

The train, of course, is long gone, but I'll bet that a few booklovers manage to enjoy their Monday morning commutes-

Monday, Monday-

The second gray Monday morning in a row at Foggygates. Still, as I sit at my desk surrounded by cats and books, I'm reminded that there are worse ways to start the week...

Monday, Monday-

A grey Monday morning here at Foggygates. Grey, misty Monday mornings make one reluctant to even leave the house. But as I sip my morning tea I'm reminded that some folk's Monday morning commutes are rougher than others. Also that, although I like a good bike ride as much as anyone, gearheads are just a little odd-

Monday, Monday...

It's Monday again, time to dust off the weekend cobwebs and get back to work. Of all the commuting days, Monday must be the worst. Here's an image from our "There's no way I'm carpooling with him! I think I'll just walk, thank you" file-

Monday, Monday...

Today we are featuring a return of our once-popular Monday, Monday feature, a reminder to our office-bound comrades that, no matter how crappy your job is, there are people out there who have it worse...



Speaking of crappy work- according to news reports today, Mayan priests at a sacred Iximche archaeological site in Guatemala are going to have to cleanse the site to restore its' "peace and harmony" after The Decider's visit today.

On the other hand, you could be the CEO of Dick Cheney's company Halliburton, and be moving to the completely tax-free, Riviera-of-the-Middle East country of Dubai, just in time to be out of the United States when they start those pesky Congressional hearings into overcharges and fraud in Iraq Reconstruction contracts.

Surf's up!