Friday, November 30, 2007

Our Next President-

As I was watching the last Republican whorefest debate and doing a shot every time the word 'Terrorists' was used, just before I passed out (18 minutes in) I got this really retarded great idea.

Screw letting anyone who actually wants to be President have the job- except for Kucinich, they're all either not-quite ready for Prime Time, double-facers, liars, Christian Taliban, psycopaths, comatose, or just really, really nuts.

I say it's time to draft somebody for President who really doesn't even want the job. Hey, I hear you say, that's a stupid wonderful idea!

But who could we find? Well, how about a proven winner? A man who can admit to mistakes? A man who brings people together? A man who doesn't say stupid things every ten seconds? A man who scares his enemies pissless?

The man who coined the phrase "It is what is is"?

Yes, campers, we're going to run Bill Belichick for President!

And all you have to do to jump on the nutwagon bandwagon is lose all contact with Reality make a copy of our new campaign image and post it in your sidebar! You can even link it to our new Belichick for President blog.

I think this is going to be a utter disaster lot of fun!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Mainiacs All-

As several folks have now pointed out, the Moose-in-harness pic I posted a few days ago turns out to be a Photoshop fake. Well damn! I really, really wanted to believe that one, if only because it was just such a Maine-like thing to do. My Mom's family all come from Maine for a bunch of generations back. It's a great state, so I'm going to devote today to some fun things about Maine!

George Bush I comes from Maine. Maine apologizes. Liv Tyler was born in Maine. Maine says "You're welcome".

Even though they apparently don't hitch up moose in harness there, Maine has more Moose per mile than any other state. Maine has over 5,000 miles of coastline (more than California). Maine is as big as the other five New England States combined, and one single county (Aroostook) is bigger than the combined size of Connecticut and Rhode Island.

Ever dreamed of traveling to Belfast, Belgrade, Berlin, Calais, China, Corinth, Dallas, Denmark, Detroit, Dresden, Lebanon, Lisbon, Madrid, Mexico, Monticello, Moscow, Mount Vernon, Naples, Norway, Oakland, Paris, Peru, Poland, Rome, Stockholm, Sweden, Verona, and Vienna? You can do that in Maine and never leave the state. For the Biblically-inclined, you can also drive to Canaan, Carthage, Gilead, Jerusalem, and Troy.

Maine has a state summertime drink called the Pine Tree Float. How do you make a Pine Tree Float? Start with an 8-oz glass, fill it with ice-cold water and then stick a (pine) toothpick in it.

ok, maybe you have to come from Maine to find that funny...

The state sayings are "Ayuh" (I can do a mean "Ayuh" -it means "yes") and "You can't get theah from heah".

Natives are called "Maniacs", not "Mainers". Ayuh, that's right.

A man from New York moved to Maine. After he'd been there for three or four years he was talking to the owner of the local general store and he said something about being a native now. "Sorry," the Mainiac replied, "You ain't that, ayuh."

"Well," said the man, "when I've lived here for a decade will I be a native?"

"Nope," replied the Mainiac. "You came heah from the city, you'll nevah be a native".

"All right," the man said. "I see your point. "But my kids were born here, so surely they're considered native Mainiacs!"

"Nope," the Mainiac replied.

"What? Why not?"

"Well," the Mainiac said slowly, "Let me put it like this- if you'ah cat crawled into you'ah oven and had her kittens in theah, would that make them biscuits?"


Amy and I took a short vacation to Spencer Pond, Maine a few years ago, and I posted the pics here. We've got to get back there soon.


Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Get a Grip-

Uusally I reserve my political rants for my Mulligrubbers blog, but this story was too bizarre not to share with you all. I thank Malach for bringing it to my attention-

(CNN) -- Sudan has arrested a British teacher for insulting faith and religion, the British Foreign Office said Monday. Gillian Gibbons, 54, is being held by police in Sudan's capital, Khartoum. Numerous media reports say Gibbons was arrested after allowing her class of 7-year-olds to name a teddy bear "Mohammed."

That could be seen as an insult to the Prophet Mohammed, the reports said.

Say again???

Gibbons asked the children to pick a name for the bear as part of a lesson on animal habits at Unity High School, the Press Association said. A British Embassy spokesman in Khartoum was quoted as saying the naming of the bear did not cause immediate trouble. "The children chose the name because it is very common here," the spokesman told PA. This happened in September and the parents did not have a problem with it." Unity director Robert Boulos told Reuters news agency that Gibbons was arrested Sunday at her home on school grounds after a number of parents made a complaint to Sudan's Ministry of Education. Boulos told Reuters he had decided to shut the school until January for fear of reprisals.

Well, you name a teddy bear, you gotta take the consequences.

Blasphemy is punishable with 40 lashes under Islamic Sharia law, Britain's Press Association news agency reported. "This is a very sensitive issue," Boulos was quoted as saying on Reuters.com. "We are very worried about her safety," he added. "This was a completely innocent mistake. Miss Gibbons would have never wanted to insult Islam."

And now one more snippet, from yesterday's New York Times column by Thomas Friedman, abour our "pals" the Saudis-

One of the most talked about stories in the Middle East last week came out of Saudi Arabia, where the government affirmed the sentence of 200 lashes for a 19-year-old Shiite girl who was sitting in a car with a male acquaintance last year when they were attacked by seven men who gang-raped both of them. The Saudi Justice Ministry said the young woman deserved 200 lashes and six months in prison, even though she had been raped, because she was guilty of “illegal mingling” — sitting in a car with a man who was not related to her.

Am I being overly critical, or are these people, um, nuts? I mean, like, nuttier than a Snickers bar. Religion is one thing, and this isn't a knock against the Islamic religion, but against certain people, and entire nations, who have lost all sense of perspective. We certainly have our own Christian nutburgers right here in America, including the Holier-Than-Everyone Fred Phelp'sers, the people who "Thank God for 9-11" because it was His punishment for not stoning all gays to death. The difference is that our nutburgers do not (yet) run the government and write the laws. In Sudan and Saudi Arabia they do.

C'mon folks- either get a grip or go back to your home planet.

Monday, November 26, 2007


It's a gray, freezing-rain-drizzle Monday, so time for some fun. This was sent to me by a Wisconsin friend-

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Wisconsin is planning to do it's own entitled "Survivor - Wisconsin Style"....

The contestants will start in Milwaukee, travel up to Sheboygan and on to Manitowoc and Green Bay. Then they will head over to Wausau and up to Rhinelander and Minocqua. From there they will proceed up to Ashland and Superior. Then back down through Rice Lake, Eau Claire and all the way down to Madison and back over to Milwaukee. Each contestant will be driving a pink Volvo with Illinois license plates and a large bumper sticker that reads: Brett Favre is Gay. I'm a vegetarian. Bratwurst clogs your arteries. The Green Bay Packers suck. Go Bears. Cheese is high in cholesterol. Hillary in 2008. Deer hunting is murder and I'm here to confiscate your guns.

The first one that makes it back to Milwaukee alive WINS! Good luck to all contestants.


And this from a relative in Maine. It's real. The moose bonded to some draft horses as a baby and the farmer eventually broke him to harness. Gotta love my Mainiac forebears-

Friday, November 23, 2007

Special Black Friday Edition!

It's BLACK FRIDAY, the BIGGEST SHOPPING DAY OF THE YEAR!, or so I was imformed by several relatives at Thanksgiving yesterday. I was not familiar with the custom, but who am I to turn my back upon Traditional American Values in Time of War?

So, dear readers, today we at MMB have embarked upon a Great Enterprise, Non-Stop Black Friday Coverage, updated throughout the day! I feel all Patriotic just thinking about it.


7 A.M. Apparently Black Friday begins at 4 a.m., when all the stores open, and if you're not there, in line then, you might as well stay in bed. So, wanting to do it right, we got up at 3, had aquick breakfast, scraped the ice off the car and headed out to the nearest Wal*Mart. I expected it to look something like this-

Imagine my surprise when it looked like this instead-

Ecstatic at our luck at being first there, we made a mad dash into the store, stopping only to kick down the doors (I'd been told this was traditional) and started loading stuff into our carts. The lights weren't on, but we started a bonfire in the Xmas card section, and soon had a dozen carts filled up, which is when the police arrived.

Apparently not all Wal*Marts open at 4 a.m., and not all Wal*Mart store managers have a good sense of humor, at least not when they're gotten up at 5 to mop up the charred remains of their greeting cards display.

Despite this unexpected interruption of our Black Friday activities, we've got a call in to a bail-bondsman and expect to be back on the road shortly. I'll keep you updated!

Um, I need to wash up, anyone got any soap?

11 A.M. Finally out of jail. My cousin's friend Vinny sprung us, free of charge, and he's going to send me on an all-expense paid trip to Turkey as well! All I have to do is pick up a couple of bags of gifts for him at a local motel there and bring them back through customs. Vinny's a champ, and really has the Christmas Spirit!

So, we got back on the road and headed for the next mall. I've got to say, I love the Christmas Shopping Season, it brings back such warm memories. Santa on the street corner smelling of incense and bourbon, bailing my uncle Fred out of jail for drunken driving after his office Xmas party, barfing on Santa's lap after too many Happy Meals, ah, the memories. So when we drove in to the next mall I was ready for a good, All-American Christmas experience. Something like this-

But apparently my relatives were right, and we should have gotten there before 10, because when we went in we found this-

Saddened but not yet discouraged, we decided to take a break and stop at a local roadside etsablishment for some lunchtime "fortification" before journeying on.

I wonder if they serve sherry?

5 P.M.
Oops, sorry, we've been having a fun afternoon at this bar. It's very Christmasy and festive, and there's a woman named Leslie who's giving what she calls "Holiday Quickie Specials" in the bathroom. Santa's even here!

OK, we're gonna get back on the road now. Where the Hell did I leave the car? Did we even drive? What month is it?

HEY, where'd all my credit cards go????

8 P.M. OK, we're bailed out, strung out, vaccinated and back! The third mall we stopped at had some stores with stuff still in them, and we proceeded to go Xymas shopping, and there were some great bargains left, let me tell you!

For almost everyone on my shopping list I got the Ultimate Style-Up-Your-Ass Christmas Gift- monmogrammed toilet paper!!!! Look at the hand-crafted workmanship, and only $3.60 a roll!!!

For a few select friends, I got a bumper sticker that about says it all-

And, for my aunt who worships Martha Stewart as a God and shops nowhere but Macy's, I got the perfect garden ornament-

I think that takes care of my Crispymas shopping! I am honored to have been able to take part in Black Friday, and now I'm heading back to the bar. Gotta find my Santa outfit...

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A Turkey of a Quiz

It's almost Turkey Day, and our best wishes for a Happy Turkey Day go out to all our American Friends out there. You foreigners, well, The Decider says if you're not American, you don't count, and it's apparently unPatriotical to question The Decider in Time of War.

I also want to send my best wishes to anyone out there who has to fly anywhere this week (and if you do, why the Hell are you sitting there reading this crap? Get going, you're probably already late!) . So to all our friends who have to fly, I say Bon Chance!, which is Frenchy for "You poor friggin' bastards, better you than me!"

In honor of Turkey Day we're going to hold our First Annual Turkey Day Quiz here at MMB. Unlike a lot of the other stuff you read here, one of the following statements is actually true. Just pick the right one and win our prize!

1. Giant, 12-foot tall carnivorous turkeys roamed the landscape in Prehistoric times, laying waste to Dunkin' Donuts stores. This explains the mystery which has long puzzled scientists, which is why, though they are ubiquitous today, no trace of Dunkin' Donuts appears in the prehistoric fossil record.

2. It was a turkey, behind the Grassy Knoll, that really shot JFK. Oliver Stone covered this fact up in his movie because he is actually one of Them in disguise. Shhh!

3. Farm-bred turkeys are so fat it is physically impossible for them to have sex. Your average adult Tom Turkey is so damned frustrated that it is a real blessing to cut off his head, stick bread up his ass and roast him for twelve hours.

4. All turkeys imported from China are made exclusively of depleted uranium and lead paint.


um, well, ok, I took the Prize Fund and bought a burger and a six-pack with it last night, but please play anyway. And Happy Turkey Day, everyone!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Technophobe? Moi??

There's a type of person who always has to go out and buy the latest cool electronic gadget or device. They’re called “early adopters”.

I’m not one of those.

In fact, more than one person has called me “absurdly technophobic” as I sit here at my 7-year old Dell pc, using Win98 and connecting with dial-up. I don’t think I’m that at all- a lot of thought and effort has gone into my technophobia. Besides, my theory about technology is, “if it works, don’t fuck with it”.

Being technophobic can have other advantages. For instance, if I had ever replaced my big tube-screen monitor with the flat-screen monitor sitting here in a box beside my desk, where would the cat sleep? She’s curled up there right now, staring down at me. See- you have to think these things through.

This train of thought was brought up today by a pair of headlines in the news. The first was this-

Jeff Bezos and Amazon Spend Billions, Launch ‘Kindle’, A New Paperless Book

Followed by-

New Study Says Americans Reading Less

Now, do you really think Jeff thought this project through thoroughly?

Don't get me wrong, the 'Kindle' could well catch on like a house afire, just the latest of the new technologies I missed the boat on. I'll bet that a year or so from now it will be so popular that they'll have to ban people from using them while riding their Segways.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Jesus Does Not Love Your Cellphone

Amy's choir sang Gabriel Faure's Requiem in D Minor yesterday at a local college. Faure's piece is extraordinarily lovely, chromatic and Romantic, and they sang it at a soaring Gothic chapel which was a perfect setting. It was a very nice afternoon.

Howsomever, there were a few interludes during the performance which made me realize that perhaps some members of the rest of the audience could use a few helpful tidbits of advice regarding concert-going. So, being a helpful sort, I offer them now-

1. Yes, it is cute that your cellphone ringer tune is the William Tell Overture. It blended very nicely with the opening bars of the 'Sanctus'. I hope the next call you get is important enough to make it worthwhile retrieving your cellphone from the toilet in the lavatory, because I swear to God, that's where I'm going to throw it.

2. Jesus may love your squalling baby, but the rest of us LOATHE him. Leave him home next time with a sitter. If he's too young for a sitter, then stay home with him 'till he's old enough. The movies and restaurants and concerts will all still be there next year.

3. At the other side of the age spectrum, I don't care how proud you are of them, sitting at a concert whispering stories about your grandkids back and forth while the performers are singing makes me wish you had drowned them all at birth.

4. To the concert-goers who insist on eating nuts from crinkly foil pouches during the concert- go to the gym instead of a concert. We'll both feel better.


On an unrelated musical note, if you're a country music fan and don't yet have a copy of Miranda Lambert's new cd, "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend", buy one immediately. Miranda has it goin' on!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Striking a Blow for Historical Accuracy-

I heard this mentioned today on NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! and had to track it down to find out the truth... and here it is-

PLOCNIK, Serbia (Reuters) - If the figurines found in an ancient European settlement are any guide, women have been dressing to impress for at least 7,500 years. Recent excavations at the site -- part of the Vinca culture which was Europe's biggest prehistoric civilization -- point to a metropolis with a great degree of sophistication and a taste for art and fashion, archaeologists say.

In the Neolithic settlement in a valley nestled between rivers, mountains and forests in what is now southern Serbia, men rushed around a smoking furnace melting metal for tools. An ox pulled a load of ore, passing by an art workshop and a group of young women in short skirts. "According to the figurines we found, young women were beautifully dressed, like today's girls in short tops and mini skirts, and wore bracelets around their arms," said archaeologist Julka Kuzmanovic-Cvetkovic.

So it turns out that apparently Raquel Welch was historically accurate, and all the folks who told you that it was just sexist crap were completely anti-historical.

Now all we need to find out is that Betsy Ross did her sewing in a bikini.

I do love the 21st century.

Friday, November 16, 2007


There's a new "State of Denial" post up at Wand of Wonder. This week has been tough for our Hellish Minion...


Lots of food for thought in the news today. This one is pretty cool-

"Russian President Vladimir Putin could run for re-election in next year's presidential vote if he resigns early to get around a ban on serving three consecutive terms, a lobbyist close to the Kremlin has revealed..."

That clever Putey-Pute. You have to believe George and Dik are green with envy at that one.


Students here at the University of Massachusetts are holding a two-day "strike", complete with mass-marches to the UMass President's office, blocking roads, and so on. Now, you are all asking, which issue in today's news has the students so outraged that they are getting up off their bums and marching in the streets? Illegal wars? Microwaving the Planet? An out-of-control Executive Branch that threatens the Consitution? Um... no. They're upset that student fees were hiked again.

Have I mentioned lately how lame and self-centered most college students are these days?


Memo to self: Ask Barry Bonds to take me off his speed dial.


There's a new mutant variant of the Common Cold going around that kills you. Call me crazy, but sometimes I just get the feeling that the Planet is trying to off us all.


In the meantime though, Eva Marie Saint hopes that everyone will try to have a great weekend!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Office Sanity-

Many of you have been blogging about office life recently, so I dug out this classic that I found somewhere or other a few years ago.


Pretend to page yourself over the intercom (don't disguise your voice.) This is even more effective if your office is small and does not have a real intercom and you use one of those home karioke machines.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)

Make up nicknames on the spur of the moment for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names (but never the same one twice). "Is that report done yet, Sparky?" "I'm sorry, the 3rd Quarter figures haven't arrived yet, Chachi."

Send email to all your co-workers telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me on Wednesday, I'll be in the bathroom."

"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

At lunchtime sit in the cafeteria and soak your fingers in "Palmolive."

Put mosquito netting up all around your desk.

Arrive for work late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for breakfast, and you're going to be nibbling while you work. Over the next hour consume 5 entire raw potatoes.

Insist that your co-workers refer to you as Zena, Goddess of Fire. This is especially effective if you are a man.

Every time someone asks you for something, ask them if they want fries with it.

Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about current events. Forward the mail to co-workers and ask them to settle the disagreement.

Replace the "free coffee" pot with a full beer cooler.

Encourage your office mates to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Put a garbage can on your desk. Label it "In Box".

Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Decorate your desk with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Tell everyone that they're your children (works especially well for anyone under 40).

For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the reception room's tropical fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many fish you can catch in your mouth.

Announce that there is free pizza, free donuts etc... in the conference room, and when people arrive, see an empty plate and complain, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

Put decaf in the office coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Armistice Day-

-John McCrae

Well how'd y'do, Private Willie McBride?
Do you mind if I sit here, down by your graveside?
And I'll rest for a while in the warm summer sun,
I've been walking all day now, and I'm nearly done.

And I see by your gravestone you were only 19,
when you joined the Glorious Fallen, in 1916,
well I hope you died quick, and I hope you died clean...
or Willy McBride, was it slow and obscene?

Did they beat the drum slowly, did they sound the fife lonely?
did the rifles fire o'er ye as they lowered you down?
Did the bugles play the "Last Post" and chorus?
did the pipes play "The Fields, and the Forest"?

And did you leave a wife or a sweetheart behind?
In some faithful heart is your memory enshrined?
And though you died back in 1916,
to that loyal heart, are you forever 19?

Or are you a stranger, without even a name?
forever enshrined, behind some glass pane,
in an old photograph- torn and tattered and stained,
and faded to yellow, in a brown leather frame?

Did they beat the drum slowly, did they sound the fife lonely?
did the rifles fire o'er ye as they lowered you down?
Did the bugles play the "Last Post" and chorus?
did the pipes play "The Fields, and the Forest"?

Now the sun's shining down on these green fields of France,
the soft wind blows gently and the red poppies dance,
the trenches have vanished long under the plow,
no gas and no barbed wire, no guns firing now.

But here in this graveyard it's still No Man's Land,
as thousands of white crosses in mute witness stand,
to Man's blind indifference to his fellow Man,
and a whole generation that was butchered and damned.

Did they beat the drum slowly, did they sound the fife lonely?
did the rifles fire o'er ye as they lowered you down?
Did the bugles play the "Last Post" and chorus?
did the pipes play "The Fields, and the Forest"?

And one final question, young Willie McBride,
do all those who lie here know why they died?
Did you really believe them when they told you the Cause?
Did you really believe that that War would end wars?

For the suffering, the sorrow, the glory, the shame,
the killing, the dying, it was all done in vain.
Young Willie McBride,
it all happened again...
and again
and again
and again
and again...

Did they beat the drum slowly, did they sound the fife lonely?
did the rifles fire o'er ye as they lowered you down?
Did the bugles play the "Last Post" and chorus?
did the pipes play "The Fields, and the Forest"?

-Eric Bogle

Friday, November 09, 2007


There's a new 'State of Denial' up this morning over at Wand of Wonder. This week I have a candid discussion with Mitt Romney about whether the Devil plays favorites...

Speaking of politics, now Massachusetts is talking about pushing its primary back to February 5th. The irony of all this is that if all the states have early primaries, in order to make each individual primary "more meaningful", it may well distribute delegates among the top five or so candidates more evenly than they would have been distributed under the old, strung-out primary system. Then there won't be any candidate with enough delegates to clinch the nomination by convention time, thus making all the primaries less meaningful, as a group. But what the heck, the old system was boring anyway. It's time to get back to the old, smoke-filled backroom brokering.

The final sign of winter arrived this week- the town's highway crews have put up the tall, thin snowplow-guide sticks along the town's roads. I suppose I'd better put the grill away. Well, maybe next weekend...

Hey, is it hunting season already? Have a great weekend, everyone, and let's be careful out there!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

It Must be True, I Saw it in-

UPDATE: Please go and see our Third Option Media friends new video they just released for Monster.com. It's funny!! It ROCKS!!!!

- - -

As we all know by now, the Hollywood writers are out on strike. Somebody sent this list to me a few years ago, and it seems appropriate today. So let's take a moment to reflect upon-

Absolute Truths We Learned From the Movies:

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York are within the price range of most people, whether they are employed or not.

2. At least one out of every pair of identical twins is born evil.

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut.

4. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

5. If you are blonde and pretty, it's possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at age 22.

6. Radiation causes interesting mutations, not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.

7. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

8. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

9. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will soon be thrown through it.

10. Most dogs are immortal.

11. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

12. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say "Enter password now".

13. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

15. All grocery bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

16. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

17. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

18. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

19. Honest and hardworking policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.

20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

21. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

22. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone else on the street will know all the steps.

23. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

24. All roads in Washington, D.C. pass both the White House and Washington Monument at least once.

25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

26. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their opposite.

27. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Monday Musings-

Pakistani President Asshole Musharref has invoked the name of our own Abraham Lincoln in his latest crackdown against protest, democracy, opponents and the courts. Although some historians have questioned a few of Lincoln's legal actions during the American Civil War what the asshole hiding Bin Laden Musharref seems to be missing is that in order to hold onto power at any cost he is invoking the name of a man who believed in the election process so deeply that there was never any question about whether America would have an election in the middle of a civil war, even though the sitting President fully expected to lose.

I didn't think anyone was capable of out-ironying Bush-Cheney, but the asshole hiding Bin-Laden Musharref seems to be doing it.


I've re-designed Mulligrubbing Fudgenuts and posted new content, so go on over if y'all like (I mean, you know, puuuuhlease...).


The writer's union in Hollywood went on strike today. The issue is internet revenues- the writers want their share of them. The studios say there is no money there, so why bother? Interesting question. I've got a relative who is involved in this question on the side of writers in the book-publishing industry, where the publishers are also trying to cut out the writers from any associated internet revenue. Here's my question-

I heard a spokesman for the studios say today that your average studio writer will lose more money in a week of striking than he would realize in years and years of internet revenue sharing. Well, ok, if that's the case (that there's very, very little money being made on the internet) why not give the writers their miniscule share? I mean, hey, 5% of nothing is nothing, right? Surely if there's no money being made, the studios can afford to cut the writer in for a small percentage of nothing, yes?

Cool! Problem resolved. Strike over. Unless, of course, the studios are lying...

Fay Wray says "that makes sense!"

Friday, November 02, 2007

Odds & Ends...

There's a new 'State of Denial' post up at the Wand of Wonder. This week's involves a talk I had with a Demonic seller of Political Kool-Aid.

If you want to read a helluva story, go on over to Four Dinner's blog, Dilligaf, start on Tuesday, October 23rd and work your way back up to the top. It's scary (a robber puts a gun to his head and pulls the trigger) but Dinners has an eye for the small moments of humor as well, and he's a good writer.

Speaking of writing, Preposterous Ponderings has put together an email list for bloggers- go over and sign up if you like. It's been fun, but lists can always use more members to keep things lively.

And speaking of lively, this Sunday is the big Pats-Colts matchup. I think Malach has probably called the score about right at 38-24 Pats. Apparently the game is now being sold as Good (Colt's coach Tony Dungy) vs. Evil (Our Bill). That's fine with me- EVIL WILL TRIUMPH YET AGAIN!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I'll probably be checking in again before then, but in the meantime, Jean Arthur says, "Have a great weekend everyone!"