Monday, March 31, 2008

Questions, Questions...

Could Bill Clinton possibly do any more damage to Hillary's campaign?

Kathy Lee Giffod has just been signed to co-host the Today Show's fourth hour. OMG- do the really broadcast that crap four hours a day?

A British court, after years of investigation, has found that the fact that Princess Di died while in a car being driven at 100 mph by a drunk driver being pursued by photographers, had nothing to do with a murder conspiracy formed by Prince Charles. Could that money even possibly have been better spent?

We're now a week into Spring- so why the fuck did we get two inches of snow this morning???

Is anybody paying any serious attention to anything the Chinese government says after it called the Dalai Lama a "terrorist"?

Well damn! Is anyone going to own Nokia stock after tomorrow?

- Do you think that George Bush will ever get it?

Is there any better female singer than Joan Baez, and will I ever get over her as she was in 1966 ?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Saturday Night Fever -Boston Bands #4

As I mentioned before, my friend David and I often did more than go to rock shows in Boston in the 80s- we promoted a few small all-ages shows and did road work for a few bands (and then David would go on to manage a Boston band called 'Busted Statues', and Minneapolis's Husker Du). Being a roadie for a local band was a lot of fun- and you usually got comped or deeply discounted on your food and beer as well by the clubs. Doing road work also provided some of the more memorable experiences I had.

The thing to remember about local bands is that most band members have full-time day jobs. Back then most of them seemed to work in liquor stores and copy centers. Copy centers, at least in Boston, tended to attract artsy types, and liquor stores gave employee discounts...

A friend of mine and Dave's from high school named Gary landed a spot in a band called the 'Volcano Suns', which had been formed by Peter Prescott when Mission of Burma broke up, so we saw the 'Suns' quite a bit. One weekend we acted as roadies and took them down to Hoboken, New Jersey. Dave, Gary and I drove down around mid-day to set up, and the rest of the band was going to follow in late afternoon, because one of the members couldn't get off work 'till then.

Hoboken, in the early 80s, resembled something from a science fiction movie about Earth after a thermo-nuclear war. It was just miles and miles of grey, boarded up warehouses and buildings. And then, right in the middle, they had rehabbed Main Street with brick sidewalks and old-fashioned iron lamp-posts and black-painted iron gates and scrubbed brick, and it all looked like a movie set. The club they were playing at was on that street (which made us feel better), in a nice brick building with an Italian restaurant attached.

We got there in the late afternoon, unloaded and set up the equipment, had a nice free dinner in the Italian restaurant, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And then, just as we were getting ready to start calling the State Police in three states and the owner was about ready to burst an artery, the band finally arrived, just a few minutes before they were scheduled to go on.

The story, as told to us later, was that when the band member who was driving went to the spot where he had parked his car all he found was a crushed bumper and some broken glass. Some helpful folks at a gas station across the street cheered him up further by informing him that yes, the station wagon parked there had gotten crushed by a big-ass truck and had been towed away by the police to a garage. A trip to the garage found the car bent but drivable, at least with the bumpers duct-taped back on and some rope holding the doors closed, so they took off for New Jersey.

Such is the glamorous life of rock n' roll...

The show that night kicked ass, by the way, with an enthusiastic, large crowd. Unfortunately I couldn't find any Volcano Suns videos, but Gary and another Suns member also played in a band called 'Big Dipper', which I did find a video for, so it gives you some idea what was going on. Gary's the one in the striped shirt-

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Random Thursday Thoughts-

- Folks say we should support the Olympic Games in China this year, even though the Chinese are a terrorist state that is illegally occupying Tibet, because hosting the Olympics tends to make authoritarian regimes better. Well I am certainly on board with that, because I remember how well that argument worked in 1936 with the Nazi German Olympics...

-It turns out that a private company we contracted with to supply the Afghan army with ammunition sent them 40-year old Chinese bullets. Hey, there's taxpayer dollars well spent. Is John McCain or The Decider trying to figure that one out?

Is John McCain really thinking about picking Mitt Romney as his running mate??? Message to John- the guy is a lying skunk. Oh, wait- yeah, go ahead and run with him.

I have shopped at Wal*Mart twice in my life. I will never shop there again, and it not because an independent contractor for Wal*Mart made my mothers life a living Hell when he was trying to buy her house - it is because of Phoebe Fay's post today.

For anyone that owns a cat, or those of you who do not (and thank your lucky stars) this animation is so veeeery close to the truth-

Monday, March 24, 2008

Kid's Books That Never Made It-

What can I say? Some ideas just don't sell, for a variety of mysterious reasons. Here are the titles of some children's books that never sold well...

"You Are Different, and That's Bad"

"The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables"

"Dad's New Wife- Robert"

"Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share"

"Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book"

"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"

'Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"

"All Cats Go to Hell"

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

"Some Kittens Can Fly"

"That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption"

"The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator"

"The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way"

"You Were an Accident"

"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

"Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games"

"The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan"

"Your Nightmares Are Real"

"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"

"Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School"

"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

"Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

"Who Shat on Pat?"

"Horton Hires a Ho"

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Boobs, Bikinis & Saturday Night Fever

All of Blogland is atwitter that Spring is finally here, though for many of us you can't really tell, because it snowed at one point or another this week. Our own scene here in Happy Valley is a little Springish- we're down to about 50% snow-cover and we seem to have some decent weather coming in this week. Maybe I can get out and do a little yardwork.

My friend Mike is having some medical issues right now, and to cheer him up some of his fellow-bloggers have been posting pictures of boobs. Now, of course I don't have any such pics on my computer, so I went over to Google to find some pics Mike might like, and I typed in "Boobs" and up pops this-

Hmmm. technically that's right, but it wasn't quite what I was going for, so I typed in "REAL boob"-


Since Google wasn't helping, I looked around my computer again and found a few things that sorta qualified.

How about some cloud boobs?

A nice string bikini?

Wait, wait, I think I'm on the right track now...

Of course, there's always my duct tape file-

What the hell, let's just try some classics. How about Veronica Lake?

Things seemed to be going better, so I looked for "cleavage" on my computer and out popped Kim Novak-

When I tried a "cleavage" search on Google though, the results were a bit more disturbing-

You can never go wrong with Sophia-

And, for those who came here expecting something about books-

I suppose in the end it's best to look to those you can always rely on, so here are Catherine and Audrey-

And now on to Saturday Night Fever-

'Scruffy the Cat' was one of Boston's most popular bands in the 1980s, and this video gives you a good idea why-

Friday, March 21, 2008

C'Mon Everyone!!

Hillary and Joey are tied in the voting for Presidink!

Perhaps Audrey Tautou will help all you Joey fans you come to your senses and VOTE!!! ...

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Spring is Here!

Spring is Here!
Life is skittles, and life is beer...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Five Years and Counting-

Five years ago last night I walked down to the banks of the Charles River in Cambridge and held a candle as part of a peace vigil on the eve of the American attack on Iraq. That evening seems at once to have been just a short while ago, and half a lifetime away.


The American invasion of Iraq began five years ago. The invasion began a war which had been sold to the American public and the world as “necessary” through a series of lies- the lie of Weapons of Mass Destruction, the lie of Iraq’s support of Al Quaeda, and the lie of an Iraqi tie to the 9-11 attacks. As a “war” it continues as a lie, the largest, most destructive lie of our generation.

Whatever George Bush may tell you, the Iraq War itself ended long ago, just a few weeks after it began, and America won. By the time George Bush made his touchdown on that aircraft carrier and had his picture taken under a “Mission Accomplished” banner, the War was over, the Iraqi government was deposed, and there was no longer an Iraqi army to offer resistance. That, by any definition, was the end of the Iraq War.

What has followed over the last five years has been the occupation of Iraq by American troops, and violent resistance to that occupation. The occupation and the resistance to it have been bloody and costly, unimaginably so. But this is not a war, it is an occupation. That may seem to be a trivial point, but it is not for two reasons.

First, by calling this bloody occupation a “war” George Bush and the Republicans gain the political high ground. It is far easier to support a war than an occupation, and to demand more blood, more bodies and more money for it. You can be sure that when September and October roll around and the Presidential campaign is in high gear, we will hear a lot about “the war” from the Republicans, and by allowing them to define it that way the Democrats have lost a major part of the political battle before they have even opened their mouths.

Secondly, the distinction between a war and occupation is important because history shows that while most wars have definite ends, with winners and losers, it also shows that occupations rarely end until the occupying power gets fed up with wasting blood and treasure and leaves.

George Bush, however, for political and personal reasons is determined to convince the country that we are still “at war”, and that the “war” must continue until we, the occupiers, “win”. So let us for a moment give George Bush the existence of his “war”, because it brings us to the other fundamental lie he is putting forward.

George Bush keeps telling us that the “war” should be run by the military, not the politicians, and that it is the duty of politicians and the public to support the military while it is fighting a war. I can certainly agree that we all owe the troops our support, but there seems to be a huge gulf between George Bush’s definition of “support” and mine.

To begin with, the responsibility of the military in war is in directing troops, not formulating policy, and that is an important point which George Bush has either conveniently forgotten or is deliberately trying to suppress. The policy of war –whether to fight, who to fight, and when to stop, is the responsibility of the President and Congress, and theirs alone. The Constitution says so. In many wars in our history there has been little to debate- “yes”, most everyone said, “by all means, continue the war”. World War 2 is an example of the country coming together for a common goal.

But what about an unpopular war which was misguided to begin with and is being prolonged with no discernible goal? When, and who, gets to say “enough is enough”? It is not (as George Bush suggests) up to the military to make that decision- the responsibility belongs to the President and Congress. The Constitution says so (actually, the Constitution says it is up to Congress alone, but don’t tell George Bush that, because it makes him mad). So when George Bush tells Congress that they are wrong to debate whether to continue the “war” he is wrong- dangerously, Un-Constitutionally wrong.

And what of “supporting” the troops? Yes, we all should certainly support them. The President, Congress and the people owe them the support of only sending them to war with good equipment, with good reasons, and with an achievable goal, and we have failed on all counts. We owe them the support of not asking them to shed their blood or waste their lives futilely, and so we owe it to them to focus on why they are being asked to fight, and to bring them home when there is no good answer. George Bush’s “war” in Iraq, which was launched with lies, has now become an end in itself, and that is the point at which we must step back, take a deep breath, support our troops and say “enough”.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

R.I.P., Arthur C. Clarke

Arthur C. Clarke died today. This post is not going to be a review of his life, you can look on Wikipedia or any newspaper tomorrow for that.

This is simply a tribute to my favorite science fiction writer, whose death saddens me.

When I was in Middle School and High School I was (surprise, surprise) a nerd. A geek. My friends and I loved science and science fiction. We read it and we watched it and we wrote it. In my own particular circle, the face-off was always between Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke, and I was an Arthur C. Clarke nerd.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Asimov too, but Sir Arthur had something more for me, and that was a sly sense of humor. You can see it in his mainstream works, such as the ever-popular 2001 (I'm sorry, Dave), and in his lesser-known works, such as his "Tales from the White Hart' series of stories. 'Tales from the White Hart' remains among my favorite science-fiction books ever. It takes place in a British pub, and recounts the tall tales of Harry Purvis, a scientist who can trade stories with the best of them. The stories are witty, intelligent, and funny.

The first Arthur C. Clarke story I ever read was called "The Nine Billion Names of God", in a paperback anthology of the same name. The coincidence here is that this story dealt with llamas in Tibet, who were programming a computer to compute the nine billion names of God, at which point His purpose would be served, and the Universe would cease to exist. Tibet is, of course, in the news and my thoughts today.

When I was in 7th grade we had things called "Mini Courses"- these were extra-curricular course taught twice a week by teachers on subjects like word games, fencing, bargello, weather forecasting, and so on. Somehow my friend Marc and I persuaded my homeroom teacher, Mrs. Lewis, to sponsor us as "teachers" of a Mini-Course called "The Science-Fiction Book Club". We didn't have this idea in time to get it into the booklet they passed around at the beginning of the term, so not many people knew it existed. When Mini-Course sign-up period came, we sat in Mrs. Lewis's room at our own table, ready to take our students, as other students came in for Mrs. Lewis's course on word games.

When the room was full Mrs. Lewis stood up and said "Everyone who is here for Word Games, sit where you are. Everyone who is here for the Science Fiction Book Club, go over and sit with Marc and Forrest".

And everyone looked at us, sitting at our table, all alone, and nobody moved.

But hey, it turned out ok. We had a classroom and a whole two extra periods a week all to ourselves, and we signed the "passed course" sheets for each other the first day, and just read books and goofed off for the entire term. It was cool.

And I read a lot of Arthur C. Clarke stories that period. Arthur C. Clarke had the rare gift to be a serious scientist and a witty and original storyteller, and his passing saddens me.

I raise a glass tonight to Sir Arthur. May the Nine Billion Names of God include yours.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Éireann go Brách!

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.

When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me", said the bartender, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"

"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."

Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.

- - -

Mary O'Malley goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father..."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of the first day's conference for a bit of refreshment...

Brucie, CEO of Fosters, shouts to the barmaid, "In 'Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, - so pour me a bladdy Fosters, Miss."

Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: "In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all, - so gimme a Bud."

Hans steps up next: "In Germany ve invented der beer. Giff me ein Becks, - ya ist der real King of beers, danke."

Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward: "Miss, would ya be pleased to give me a diet coke, wit' ice and lemon. Tanks."

The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over their faces. Eventually Brucie asks: "Are ye not goin' to 'ave a Guinness, Paddy?"

Paddy replies "Well now, if you fookin' pansies ahren't a-drinkin', - t'en neither am I!"

An Irish gent walked into a neighborhood bar in New York one evening and ordered three mugs of beer.

When they were served he took them to a back table, and sat by himself drinking from one mug, then the next until all three were empty. Then he returned to the bar and ordered three more.

The bartender told him, "Sir, I am happy to serve you, but if you order one beer at a time it will stay fresher than if you take three at once."

The fellow replied, "No, and ye don't understand. I'm one of three broithers, separated by the great sea. Me oldest brother emigrated to Australia many years ago. My youngest brother still lives with me mother in County Cork, and here I am in America. Still, we agreed that on every Friday, we would each order two beers apiece and drink them in memory of the brothers who were not with us."

The whole bar had listened to this explanation.

For months each Friday the Irishman would show up in late afternoon. Order his three beers. Drink them. Order his three refills. Drink them. Then leave the bar.

Then one Friday, the Irishman walked to the bar and ordered two beers. The whole pub grew silent and watched as he silently drank the two beers.

When he returned to the bar for his refills the bartender said, "Paddy, I want to offer my condolences in your time of sorrow."

The Irishman looked puzzled, and asked "What do ye mean?"

"Well, you only ordered two beers. I assume something must have happened to one of your brothers."

"Oh, no, nothing of the sort! Me wife converted to Baptist, and I've had to give up me drinking. Didn't affect me brothers though."

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Saturday Night Fever

Back in the late 1970s I was the Student General Manager of my high school radio station, and my friend David Savoy was the Music Director. David & I teamed up after High School to promote all-ages rock & roll shows as P.S. Productions (that lasted about a year and made us no money, but it did lead to our promoting a show that featured the band Husker du, who later hired David as their manager and moved him to Minneapolis, but that's another story)...

Where was I? Oh yes, David also was an intern at rocker WCOZ in Boston, and was dj Cindy Bailen's assistant on her once-a-week midnight show featuring local bands. Continuing last week's Saturday Night Fever theme of Boston bands of the 70s and 80s, tonight we have Cindy Bailen's favorite group, the Sex Execs, with their hit "My Ex".

Note for those of you born after 1980- that thing on the table in the hotel room is a television, even though it looks nothing like the ones we have today. The knob on front is how we used to choose the channel, before Al Gore invented the remote.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Report? What Report?

I have nothing whatsoever to add to this-

Pentagon cancels release of controversial Iraq report

By Warren P. Strobel | McClatchy Newspapers

March 12, 2008

WASHINGTON — The Pentagon on Wednesday canceled plans for broad public release of a study that found no pre-Iraq war link between late Iraqi President Saddam Hussein and the al Qaida terrorist network.

Rather than posting the report online and making officials available to discuss it, as had been planned, the U.S. Joint Forces Command said it would mail copies of the document to reporters — if they asked for it. The report won't be posted on the Internet.

The reversal highlighted the politically sensitive nature of its conclusions, which were first reported Monday by McClatchy.

In making their case for invading Iraq in 2002 and 2003, President Bush and his top national security aides claimed that Saddam's regime had ties to Osama bin Laden's al Qaida terrorist network.

But the study, based on more than 600,000 captured documents, including audio and video files, found that while Saddam sponsored terrorism, particularly against opponents of his regime and against Israel, there was no evidence of an al Qaida link.

The study comes at a difficult time for the Bush administration. The fifth anniversary of the Iraq war is approaching on March 19, and Bush is attempting to hold support for a continued large U.S. troop presence there following a report from his on-the-ground commander, Army Gen. David Petraeus, in early April.

Navy Capt. Dennis Moynihan, a spokesman for the Norfolk, Va.-based Joint Forces Command, said, "We're making the report available to anyone who wishes to have it, and we'll send it out via CD in the mail."

Moynihan declined further comment.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Random Thoughts-

after browsing the news headlines...

Eliot Spitzer. *sigh*. So look, what's up, Dawg? A law-and-order guy like you gets elected Governor of New York by a landslide and then you get caught in a high-priced call-girl sting? What were you thinking? You're a politician. Get a mistress like the rest of them do!

Hillary Clinton is suddenly gushing on and on about what a wonderful Vice-President Barack Obama would be. Right. You can't fool us, 'Hill. You just need a trustyworthy golfing buddy for Bill who can keep him out of trouble.

England is considering making schoolchildren recite a Pledge-of-Allegiance-style pledge to the Queen. Huh. I didn't know Richard Simmons was British.

The Air Force's F-117 'Stealth' fighter is being retired. When I read this I thought, "Geez, they didn't get much mileage out of that one did they?" It seems like just yesterday it was unveiled to much hoopla and applause. Turns out it's been in service for twenty-seven years. Twenty-seven years. When the fuck did I turn into Wilfred Brimley? And NO, I don't want to hear from anyone too young to know who Wilfred Brimley is...

Madonna was just inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Yeah, I know I loved to get down to her belting out "Bang Your Head".

I don't want to upset my friend Ted Velvet, but there are signs that the Yankees may be getting desperate in their search for pitching.

It turns out that not even Microsoft executives can make Vista work. I swear to God, I just heard my iMac chuckle when I typed that sentence.

Let's see, gas is $3.50 a gallon, unemployment is up, manufacturing is down, the entire financial system is in meltdown, stocks are sliding, and inflation is heating up. But yet, the White House says we're not in a recession. I assume that's because the CEO of Exxon/Mobil/Halliburton can afford to buy a 12th Hummer. I feel so much better now.

Oh well, I comfort myself that as long as there is an America, there will be school bus races-

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Saturday Night, All right-

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow just featured a Bassa Nova version of 'The Waters of March', which is a song I love, but always knew through the Susannah McCorkle version. So I went up on You-Tube to find a video of that, and there isn't one! You can download the audio at various places on the internet, which is a great audio, but there's no video. How sad. And how interesting that I have become so habituated to the internet that I simply assumed there would be a video...

They were doing stories on NPR this morning about hearings concerning renewable energy resources. I was struck once more by the dichotomy of hearing Republican Congressmen, and "experts", state that there is absolutely no point whatsoever in giving companies doing work on alternate energy sources tax breaks or any other government aid, since history has shown that the Free Market is the Best Way for new technologies to emerge. Well, ok, but then why are the same Congressmen and "experts" then testifying a week later that Exxon/Mobil, which just posted the greatest quarterly profit in world history, needs further tax breaks and government incentives to drill for new oil and develop new oil technologies?

Obviously I missed a class.

I grew up in a suburb outside of Boston, Massachusetts in the late 70s, early 80s. This was a Golden Age for rock. We went to long-lost clubs like The Rat, and J.J. Flash, and Chet's Last Call (the dive of rock dives, over the old Boston Garden) and saw great bands. For the next few weeks on Saturday Night Fever, I'm going to be featuring a few of these bands, and telling a few stories.

Mission of Burma was perhaps the greatest Boston band of the era that never went national. I first went to see them in an all-ages show when I was 17, somewhere in Boston. These guys always gave a great performance. This was one of their classic songs-




ok, maybe the world has moved on. We went to Hoboken, and woke up Sunday mornings to blonds, bacon and eggs. Somehow I moved beyond all this. But there are more tales to tell...

Friday, March 07, 2008

It's Just So Confusticating

Back when I was 8 my mom caught me with some cookies just before dinner. After I whined awhile she said "Fine, you can eat those now, but if you do, you can't have desert." Of course I agreed and wolfed down the cookies. Imagine my surprise when, after dinner, I didn't get desert. Of course, being 8, I whined and screamed that even though I had been caught doing something I was not supposed to do and had been informed of the consequences of my actions in advance, and accepted them, it still WASN'T FAIR!!!

I'm not actually sure what made me remember that incident- I was reading about the brouhaha over the Florida and Michigan Democratic delegates who claim they have to be seated at the convention when it came to mind. Weird, huh?

American Idol has its' Final Twelve, and it's a very good field this year. I'm pulling for Irish lass Carly Smithson who can sing the bejeezus out of a song. Ryan Seacrest, who must wake up every morning, sink to his knees and whisper, "God I'm the Luckiest Talentless SOB on Earth", announced that starting next week they will be taking viewer phone calls during the results show. I've been trying to come up with a joke about something I'd find more annoying, but can't do it. I can't wait.

For those who pooh-pooh the idea of sinking into the sofa after work with a brewski or two, well, I guess you'll never build a National Landmark. I'm hoping Ted Velvet builds the East Coast version of this.

What a bizarre travesty it is that the Japanese continue to hunt whales under the guise of "scientific investigation". Well, now the continuing battle between the Japanese whaling fleet and anti-whaling activists seems to be close to turning into a shooting war. OK, fine. If the Japanese want to continue to slaughter 1,000 whales a year as a "science experiment", maybe the anti-whaling activists should start to "experiment" with the "scientific impact" of nuclear weapons on an average whale-fishing vessel... hey, anything in the name of "science", right?

Speaking of science, if you haven't taken a few minutes to see these textbook disclaimers, do so soon. I can't decide if my favorite is- "This textbook contains a chapter about general relativity, a theory that very few scientists actually understand. And because Einstein was an atheist, it must certainly be incorrect" or "This book explains the difference between a fact and a myth. If you feel this insight would in any way undermine your belief in magic, please close it immediately."

Still, science always seems to leave more questions than answers, which makes me very confused, and I don't like being confused. Or "confusticated", as The Decider would say. So whenever I'm confused, I turn to two hot girls in a shower-

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Thanks, Stadium Pal!

A grey morning. There's water in the basement, and Hillary is still running for President. Bleah. in my search for something to cheer me up, I ran across this video of one of my favorite writer/comedians-

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I Know It Must Be True, I Read It On The Internets-

This campaign season has been very confusing for me. So many facts flying around, and debates, and all that crap. But like the song says, I'm just a Simple Man, so I decided to go up on the web and find out the truth about the candidates without being distracted by irrelevant stuff, like the candidates themselves. What I learned was really eye-opening let me tell you, and I am so glad that I decided to become an Informed Voter.

So, for those of you voting today, or who may vote in the future, here is some of what I learned on the interwebs-

-Barack Obama is a secret Muslim who was recruited by Osama Bin Laden to become President, and once he does he is going to burn all our Bibles and make Scarlett Johansen wear a burkah.

-Hillary Clinton wants to take away all our guns and sell America to the United Nations.

-John McCain is actually a secret agent for the Red Chinese.

-Hillary Clinton will only appoint lesbians to the Supreme Court, and she's going to paint the White House pink.

-John McCain is Ted Kennedy's secret gay boy-toy.

-Barack Obama's willingness to talk to foreign leaders we don't like will destroy America, turn our kids into Muslims, and give us all scabbies.

-Barack Obama flew one of the planes into the World Trade Center.

-John McCain is really no different than Dennis Kucinich, even though Kucinich has a hotter wife.

Hillary Clinton cut off Bill's balls and had them surgically implanted in her you-know-what.

Mike Huckabee is a nut job. (well, I actually knew that before I went on the internets).

I hope you found this as educational as I did. I am going to go vote for Chuck Norris now.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Random Sunday Night Musings-

Hank Steinbrenner "gets it". This has to do with the Red Sox-Yankees rivalry- anyone outside the Boston-NY sphere, feel free to move on. For the rest of you, Hank is my new favorite baseball exec. Well, ok, next to Our Theo.

Ok, the Republicans are always telling us to "support the troops". But then Neocon darling Matt Drudge reports that Prince Harry is serving as a forward air controller (a
very dangerous job) in Afghanistan, endangering his entire unit. So why are there no howls of outrage and taunts of "traitor" from the Republican pundits?

Is Mike Huckabee the Ralph Nader of the Republican party?

Speaking of Ralphie, is it a really
bad sin to pray for somebody to get hit by a falling satellite?

I see that the new movie "The Other Boleyn Girl" is being panned by the critics. This is a movie that features both Scarlett Johansen and Natalie Portman, often in minimum clothing. Does anyone really care if the script is any good?

Now that scientists have found that 80% of snowflakes are formed around bacteria, I know at least 5 people who will never go outside again between December and May.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

This is Getting Fun-

Things are really starting to get fun on the Democratic side of the Presidential race. I assume that most of you following the campaign have by now heard about Hillary Clinton's new "3 a.m." ad- it asks who you'd want to have answering the telephone at the White House at 3 a.m. when a world crisis erupts- and pictures a couple of sleeping kids ("it's 3 a.m. and your children are safe and asleep, but at the White House, the phone is ringing...").

It's a pretty scary ad, and people are comparing it to the famous "Daiosy" ad run briefly by Lyndon Johnson in 1968 when he was running against Barry Goldwater-

So here's Hillary's new ad-

But the Obama campaign has shot back just a day later with this-

I think this round goes to Obama. It's good to see a campaign that can think quickly and come up with good responses without missing a beat.