Roger Clemens pitched 6 shutout innings and struck out his grandson, Josiah Clemens, as he propelled the New York Yankees to an 11-3 win over the Los-Angeles-Anaheim-Santa-Cruz-Toledo Angels today. 64-year old Clemens, who ended his annual "Retirement" for the 23rd straight year last month, needs just 3 more wins to hit the 700-win mark.
Vice-President Dick Cheney's office announced that the $650 million, taxpayer-funded Vice Presidential Library has been completed, but refused a Senate request to say where it is today, citing "National Security issues". President Jenna Bush, when asked for a comment, put down her beer and said, "well, yeah, like, I've never even seen the guy either. What's a libriry?".
Apple Inc. introduced its' long-awaited the I-Life machine today. Even though nobody really understands how it works, what it does, or why they need one, thousands of people lined up outside AppleLife stores in major cities around the world today to buy the first copies, priced at $3500 each (software & peripherals not included).
Bagdhad was quiet today after several nights of rioting over the latest decree, mandating that all women wear feather boas, from Emperor Rupert Murdoch I. The latest controversy comes on the sixteenth anniversary of Murdoch's purchase of the troubled Middle Eastern country from Enron.