Oh my...

R.I.P., Ted

Last Problem Solved-

Judging by the number of time Our Lord's name is taken in vain on this blog, I'm betting that most of you aren't counting on being Raptured anytime soon, but for those of you who are, have you ever stopped to ask yourself- "After I'm taken by The Lord to the Big House in the Sky, what will become of Fluffy and Fido?"

Well, worry no more, Mr. & Mrs. Holier Than Thou!

Eternal Earthbound Pets U.S.A. stands ready to take care of your furry or feathered loved-ones after you get what's coming to you -

"We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus".

"Cool!" I hear you say, "But how do I know they'll really be Left Behind?"

"Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life."

And how much, I know you are asking, does this Eternal Peace of Mind cost? Just pennies a day!

"Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable. For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends."

But what about Alfie, my baby alligator??

"Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals."

Sorry, Alfie. But for the rest of you Rapture-Ready Christians, I have just one final thing to say-

WHY THE FUCK DON'T I THINK
OF THESE THINGS FIRST????

Time to hit the gym...

it's Summertime, time for over-indulging in all sorts of things. But that's ok, i just bought a new home-gym on Ebay...

offered without comment...

Happy Happy-

I love bee balm and planted some in the day-lily bed behind the garage but it never thrived. Planted some last year in front f the stone wall 50 feet away but in partial shade, and this year it's five feet tall, and yesterday we saw two hummingbirds in it.

I guess it's happy.

Yummers!!

I'm pretty sure that Joey & Cissy & Mike & the Reverend and everyone else can do some slick poetryizing given the visual cue of a can labeled "Tongue Spread"...

Let's Get Real-

I'm back from the Land of Facebook & Twitter, and boy is that a tale to tell. But it'll have to wait, 'cause there's something else on my mind.

Can we stop having hysterics over the Cambridge Police vs. Professor Gates brouhaha already?

I lived in Cambridge for 5 years- it's as far from a racist city as I can imagine, but on the other hand it does have a large, lower-income population of minorities of various races, and there are tensions between the police and some of the neighborhoods. It's a city, and stuff happens.

But enough already with the Blame Game from both sides. What do we really have here? We have a veteran cop, a man who grew up in a poor, mixed Cambridge neighborhood with friends of all races and who was chosen by his African-American superior to teach advanced courses against racial profiling, and we have a distinguished scholar who is known for being humble and soft-spoken.

But the scholar had just moments before the incident returned home from an all-night flight from China, and the officer was in the middle of a long undercover shift. The scholar walked out of his kitchen to be unexpectedly confronted in his own living room by a policeman who demanded to know who he was and what he was doing there. The policeman was confronted by an upset homeowner who was, by all accounts, rather pissed off a being asked for i.d. in his own house.

You can recite all the "just cooperate with the police and they'll cooperate with you" mantras you want, and I've read many of those in the last few days, but I'd really ask anyone to honestly ask themselves what their reaction would be if they walked from their kitchen to their living room and were confronted by a cop asking them what right they had to be there. Add some jet lag and exhaustion to the mix and BOOM!

And, you know, it's not against the law to be rude to an uninvited police officer in your living room. It might be stupid, and it might be silly, but it's not illegal. Sure, perhaps Professor Gates should have reacted by thanking the police officer for checking out a breaking & entering call -I certainly hope that is how I'd react. But it's not illegal to yell at him instead. And let's face it- the officer took out his handcuffs and arrested the professor, suggesting a law was broken.

I don't see the broken law.

But I also don't see racism. I see two tired men losing some of their judgment and escalating a situation. Perhaps it's just best left there. Stuff happens.

Enough already.

Time for some Audrey Tatou.

Which is Which?

A week at the beach was a welcome break, even if the early June weather was a bit chilly, but it all left me with one burning, unanswered question- what's the difference between flotsam and jetsam, and can you have one without the other?

Oh. Well, That's innocent Enough.

Here's a rather frightening series of illustrations from a 19th century French inventor's magazine I just bought-

Now, I'm not sure what this looks like to you,
but I know what it looks like to me-

ok, yeah, this is what I thought the next step would be...

please please please please don't show what comes next.

oops. Oh.

It's just a roll of paper advertisements
to be read by passersby.

I'm not sure whether this makes me happy or sad...

Pedal to the grindstone...

We're back, back home again from the long weekend, refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to rock n' roll! Now, nose to the grindstone! Pedal to the metal!

Um... is it lunchtime yet?

It's a Cat's World-

When you're a cat you can sit anywhere you damn well please.

How long 'till dinner?

So, how do you define "healthy", anyway?

Specifically, I wonder if homemade strawberry shortcake is an acceptable Springtime breakfast. It's fruit and dairy, right?

Freakazoid Friday-

Happy Friday, everyone! First off let me just remind you all that no matter what the question is, Catherine Zeta Jones is always a good answer.



So, are you up to date on the latest affront the RightWing believes Barack Obama has committed against American Patriotism, Heritage and Decency? No? Well, if you were to guess, I'll bet one of your top guesses would be mustard!

It's true. I can't make stuff like this up-



Well, that's quite the brouhaha. If you're like me, this week has left you so exhausted you're ready for a nice long weekend at the beach...



I'm sorry, what was the question again?

Oh, who cares. I already know the correct answer.

The Lusty Month of May-

It's time to play "The Lusty Month of May" from 'Camelot', but Julie Andrews or Vanessa Redgrave? Decisions, decisions...

We're gong with Vanessa. Julie's voice is lovely, but Vanessa has the earthier edge to her. And and of course she's a redhead...



Of course, there's always the updated WoW version...