offered without comment...

Boo!

There's a lot more at "Yes We Carve" dot com...

State of the Union Drinking Game

Yes, fellow campers, it's THAT time of year again, when the clown who runs this great land of ours gets up and pulls a bunch of lies out of his ass updates us on the State of the Union. Usually we post a set of rules for a State of the Union Drinking Game, such as you might find here, with rules such as "Every time Bush uses the phrase Progress in Iraq take one shot".

However, after last year's debacle, which found yours truly face down in a snowy gutter at 2 a.m. the next morning, two empty bottles of bourbon at his side, I'm going to try playing the game a bit differently. Thinking about what's really going on in the country is enough to make one get shitfaced any night of the year, so this time my feeling is, if I'm going to get shitfaced, it might as well be for a good purpose. So I'm altering the rules slightly. I therefore present my

2008 State of the Union Drinking Game:

Take 1 shot every time:

-Bush speaks three consecutive sentences without making a grammatical error or grossly mispronouncing something in a "folksy" way.

-Bush says "Democratic Congress" instead of "Democrat Congress".

-Bush uses the word "Bi-Partisan".

-Bush goes an entire paragraph without using any of the following words-
God
Terrorists
Homeland
War
Islamofacists
Evil

Take 2 shots if Bush says:

-"But you know, the rich folks in this country don't need any more tax cuts."

-"But however important Iraq is, the infrastructure of our country is more important"

-"I may have been wrong about Vladimir Putin"

-"I just wanted to point out that I do actually know how to pronounce the word 'nuclear' "

Down the entire bottle if Bush says:

-"Yes, I mis-led you all about I-Raq, and I'm sorry"

-"And so I have asked Vice-President Cheney for his resignation"

-"All American troops will be home from Iraq before I leave office"

-"It's time this country stopped coddling the big oil companies and got serious about alternative energy sources"

-"You know, I think Hillary would make a great President!"

-"OH MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO AMERICA!?!" (and breaks down sobbing)


I know, I know, I fully expect to end the night stone-cold sober, but hey, I can dream, can't I?

It's Talk in Rhyming Gibberish Weekend!

Bellicose cumquats striving bold,
Alligash! Alligash! Pinky Mold!
Venetian llamas gerunding by,
While under their beaks a borchst soup cries.
Alison, Aubrey- do you like your tea?
Or should I add another flea?
Jorocking burroughs, silicate slaves,
play Silly Putty in their graves.
'Tis Gibberish Weekend in our town,
So dress your dogs in frap and gown,
and gorntil 'till you all fall down!