Monday Morning Wake Up-

I can never resist a good dust jacket or piece of cover art. Here's something from my shelves to wake you up a bit on a sleepy morning after we all stayed up too late watching the Oscars-


The book was published in 1939, and the cover art is by Walter Frame [1885-1957], a commercial artist who did dust jackets, magazine advertisements for RCA radios, and so on. But what about the book itself? Damned if I know... well, "Francis Bonnamy" was the pseudonym of used by Audrey Walz, a prolific murder-mystery writer in the 30s and 40s. Frankly, I've never been able to get past the first paragraph-

"We saw it that Wednesday afternoon just as our horses came over the hill and looked down into the valley where the ranch lay. It was just something shapeless lying on the grass beside the ranch house then, but I think we all felt evil in the crumpled mass that showed directly before us through the jack pines as the trail bent over the last hill. It was as if the light of that brilliant summer day had been cut off, as if the mountains had reached up their red fingers to shut off the sun."

It may just be me, but I feel a dark and stormy night coming on...

Marty, Marty, and Lenny D

Well, it's Oscar Night, and in just a few hours we'll get the answer to the question that has been on everyone's mind all week- will all the actors and actresses shave their heads in solidarity with Britney Spears?

OK, maybe not.

We're rooting for The Departed to win awards, not only because it's a good movie, but because my wife actually saw some of it shot. A few years ago, when they were doing the Boston filming, they used the alley in back of the building her photo studio was in for several scenes, including the one where Martin Sheen gets shot and falls off the roof of the warehouse.

These scenes were shot in Boston's Fort Point Channel district, an area of 19th century brick warehouses which used to be Boston's "Photo District". Today it's all going upscale-condo, and my wife and all the other photo people and artists have been kicked out.

Anyway, one day I got a call from her- "You'd never guess who's having coffee in the alley below my studio," she said. I told her she was probably correct, the only people I'd ever seen there looked like they didn't "do" coffee... "Martin Scorsese, Martin Sheen, and Leonardo DiCaprio," she told me.

So the crew shot there all week, with all the photo people watching from their windows, and me getting minute-by-minute updates on the phone.

The scene that impressed my wife most was the one where Martin Sheen, having been shot and fallen off the roof, lies dead in the alley and Leonard DiCaprio runs around the corner and comes to a stop over him. Apparently Martin Sheen spent an entire day lying on his back in that damn alley (in a puddle) as they did take after take. And let me tell you- I've been in that alley many times, and I don't care how many cleaning crews have been through- I wouldn't lie down in it.

On one take Leonardo came racing around the corner, missed his mark just a bit, and stood on Martin Sheen's hand. Sheen didn't even wince, he just lay there until the take was over, and then they got him up and took him over to the medical person who worked on his hand for a while.

The whole week was like that- I'd get phone calls from Amy with updates- "Martin Sheen's got the dreamiest blue eyes", and "Lenny DiCaprio is leaning over and I can see his ass crack". Then a few gunshots would go off in the background.

So we'll be tuning in tonight to cheer the cast and crew on. Go, Departed, Go!

There Was a Young Lady from Harvard...

The Reverend and Catalyst have both been posting interesting old signs over the last few days, so I thought I'd put this one up. I bought it at a book fair a few years ago, and the moment I saw it I knew I had to have it. We actually lived just a few blocks from Harvard at the time, and kept it on the wall in the living room. Now it sits on a bookshelf in my office. I've no idea when it was printed, but my guess would be the 1920s.

So remember- Don't be dirty! Don't be dirty! Don't be dirty!

Cat Cam-

I've managed to get myself a bit behind the 8-ball today, with the new March catalog due to be shipped to the printer tomorrow by 5, and me still cataloging books this morning, with set-up, cut & paste, cover design, & proofing all still to be done (well, I can always say I proofed it, and the Book Elves snuck in later and retyped that entry to read "dust jacket lightly oiled".

Anyway, the point of this all is that I'm going to let one of our hardworking book cats, Pyewackett, entertain you. So I've set up a web-camera, and you can just keep checking back, because she does all sorts of interesting things.

Really.

I know it may look like this is just a .jpeg, not a live webcam, but I assure you, it's refreshed every 1/10th of a second.



Just look at her go.

Are You Ready for Some Chiiiili???

This story caught my eye last week-

The Associated Press - 2/15/2007. Who says food fads can't last? Thousands of years before the advent of Tex-Mex, ancient Americans were spicing up stew with red hot chili peppers. New fossil evidence shows prehistoric people from southern Peru up to the Bahamas were cultivating varieties of chilies millennia before Columbus' arrival brought the spice to world cuisine. The earliest traces so far are from southwestern Ecuador, where families fired up meals with homegrown peppers about 6,100 years ago.

I love hot peppers and I love chili, so I went and dug this story out of the Archives-

NOTES FROM A TEXAS CHILI COOK-OFF

Includes notes from an inexperienced chili tester named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast. Frank notes: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting - So I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could use it to remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


CHILI # 2 - ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now- get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my back bone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.


CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?


CHILI # 5 - LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very Impressive

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage; a barmaid saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!


CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb!

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. Can't feel my lips anymore.


CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit of distress and he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach


CHILI # 8 - HELEN's MOUNT SAINT CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare it's existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili?

FRANK: (Not available for comment.)

The Washington Candlesticks Which Killed G.D. Smith

Reposted from last President's Day, but still a good tale.

On this President's Day we turn to the tale of a pair of "George Washington's" candlesticks which killed a leading rare book dealer.

In early 1917 a man named William Lanier Washington showed up at the doors of Mitchell Kennerly's Anderson Galleries, a leading New York auction firm. A “direct descendant of two of George Washington’s brothers”, William Lanier Washington arrived with cartloads of Washington-family memorabilia at an opportune time.

The craze for all things Colonial-related was reaching new heights, and in the first auction of this material, held in April, 1917, he offered many interesting and rare Washington busts, portraits, mourning items and other Washington-related memorabilia. He also offered personal relics, including George Washington’s shoe and sword buckles, wine glasses, snuff boxes, coat buttons, pants, a pair of Sheffield candlesticks from Washington’s Mt. Vernon desk, and many more items.

These relics were eagerly snapped up by the preeminent collectors of the day, including William Randolph Hearst and G.D. Smith, the man who single-handedly helped Henry Huntington assemble the famous Huntington Library and one of the greatest American book dealers of all time.

All seemed well until William Lanier Washington showed up at the Anderson Galleries with yet another cartload of Washington relics, at which point Mitchell Kennerly had the sense to send him packing. Not to be so easily discouraged, William simply switched venues and took his “relics” to the American Art Association, through which he held another sale in February, 1920.

He also sold his offerings door-to-door, and it was this which brought about the premature demise of G.D. Smith. On March 4th, 1920, William Lanier Washington arrived at Smith’s door, attempting to sell him yet another set of Sheffield candlesticks used by George Washington on his desk at Mt. Vernon. Smith, who had already bought “the” pair at the 1917 auction (lot 27), questioned just how many candlesticks George Washington kept on his desk, got into a heated argument with Washington, and dropped dead on the spot.

Thus ended the career of one of America’s greatest booksellers. William Lanier Washington would hold one more Washington-relic sale at the AAA, in February, 1922, which finally seemed to exhaust his supply. He died in 1933, but the legacy of his auctions, which contained at least some authentic memorabilia, and a whole lot else, continues on through the auction catalogs and an interesting tale.

Whatta Race...

Godness Goddess and all Her Little Fishes- that was about the most exciting finish to a Daytona 500 I've ever seen. You gotta admit- when the winner beats the loser by the width of his front bumper, there are cars ricochetting off the walls behind them, and the 8th place finisher slides across the Finish Line on his roof, in flames, that's a Helluva race!

And I'd be remiss in not noting today's sad anniversary-

April 29, 1951 - February 18, 2001

They're Out There... Part 2

Here's another title from my UFO collection. "Space, Gravity and the Flying Saucer" was published in 1954.

Leonard G. Cramp is still alive, and unlike Gray Barker, was, and is, quite serious about the subject. An aerospace engineer who has been working on anti-gravity theory for decades, he has quite detailed theories about how 'saucers' are powered.



Again, I could not resist the cover.

Leonard G. Cramp's website.

Nuns on the Run...

My friend Zann saw this in the news-

Nuns on the run as their big knitting debts unravel
January 30, 2007

FIFTY-FIVE nuns have fled their convent in northern Greece after running up more than $1,000,000 in debts when their in-house woollens factory went bankrupt. Unknown to the rest of Greece’s monastic community, the nuns of the Saints Kyrikos and Ioulite convent at Sidi-rokastro near the Bulgarian border had been doing a brisk clothing trade since installing six large knitting machines in the convent ten years ago. They sold to some 25 clothing chains around Greece and often travelled to European capitals to keep an eye on fashion.

Dionysios Pelekis, the nuns’ lawyer, said that they intended to move south, to another convent near Athens airport. They have asked their ecclesiastical superior, Metropolitan Makar-ios, to settle the debt out of the Church’s own resources — by selling 16 convent-owned properties, worth at least 750,000 Euros. But the Metropolitan has refused, saying that the nuns must pay off their debt in full before being given release papers that would allow them to move to a new convent.

Although Mr Pelekis appears to be in touch with the nuns, he is not disclosing their whereabouts. There are no legal proceedings against them at present, but they could face action if the debts are not paid. They could also face church sanctions if they are eventually found guilty of wrongdoing.

Mr Pelekis said that the nuns carted off their knitting factory equipment and furniture in three lorries days before their own disappearance.

“They are entitled to keep anything they have purchased with their own money, which includes furniture, equipment and automobiles,” he said. His clients also had a candle-making and icon-painting business on the side.

Forty-two, you say??

I stole the joke from an email list yesterday; I'm not sure why I chose a picture of The Decider to illustrate it, it just sort of popped into my head...

- - -

Professor Sphincter was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions.

"A sphincter is a structure, usually a circular muscle which normally maintains constriction of a natural body passage or orifice and which relaxes as required by normal physiological functioning. There are at least 42 different sphincters in the human body, some of them microscopic in size," he droned.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

"I dunno," she replied, "probably deer hunting with his buddies."

Late, As Usual...

Well damn, I missed Valentine's Day! You'd think with a year to prepare a post, it wouldn't catch me by surprise like that. We had a Valentine's Day blizzard here yesterday, which is a lot better than a Valentine's Day Massacre, but was still a pain in the ass.

And allow me to bitch for a minute- since when did the godamned card companies decide that all the damned cards are suddenly musical?? An entire aisle of cards in the store, and about 6 of them didn't burst into fucking song the moment I peeked inside. If I wanted to hear some lame-ass sappy song butchered by oversinging I'll tune in to American Idol, or put on a Celine Dion cd.

Sidenote- did you know that Wikipedia has an entire entry on the soundtrack to the movie 'Titanic'? I don't know whether to be proud to live in the 21st century, or scared out of my socks.

Tuesday, Tuesday...

The subject of LEGOs came up over on The Joey Polanski Show yesterday, and it brought to mind a Lego pic I found somewhere a few years ago. I don't remember where it came from; that's my story and I'm sticking to it...

Suggestive Weather-

Alternate Title: "More Proof that God's a Dirty Old Man"

Actually, this photo, and a number of others of something called a 'mammatus' cloud formation, can be found on the website of Jorn Olsen, a photographer who took the pics a few years ago.

For some reason they reminded me that Anna Nichole Smith is dead.

I know everyone else is looking for pills and drugs and a dissipated lifestyle as the cause of her death, but hey, Keith Richards is still around, so it's probably not that. Here's what came to my mind- the woman had just lost 75 pounds in a very short time. Paint me red, white and blue, roll me in sesame seeds and call me a barber pole bagel, but I hafta think that losin' that much weight that fast can't be good for you, especially if you've done other things (pills, drugs, etc.) to compromise your system. I'm not casting asparagus at the fine folks who make whatever diet plan she was on, I'm just saying, sometimes a little medical supervision doesn't hurt.

But what do I know. Probably she was hit by a chunk of the Space Shuttle.

Cupid's Got a Gun...

Not sure what to get your loved-one for Valentines day? How about the window that Lee Harvey Oswald shot President Kennedy through? It's now up for sale on Ebay, having been passed down in the family of the owner of the Texas School Book Depository building, who had it removed from the building shortly after the assasination.

Sure, it's a bit pricey ($600,000 at the moment), but how can you put a price on the happiness of your loved one?

Coming next week on Ebay- the stitches from Lyndon Johnson's surgical scar.

They're Out There...

Among the things I collect are old UFO books. Some of the books published in the 1950s and early 1960s are real treasures. I'm not necessarily a believer in UFOs- though I'm not necessarily a skeptic either. Above all, I love the cover art and the dust jacket blurbs. Here's one of my favorites-


If you can't see it, the subtitle is "The true story of what happened to certain researchers and investigators who found out where the saucers come from".

The jacket blurb starts-

"One by one, the leading figures among flying saucer researchers, who have challenged the government denial that saucers come from outer space, have been silenced. Outwardly, nothing seems to have happened to these men. They are still alive, still living where they used to. But they no longer publish saucer research material and they will not talk about saucers or why they no longer will speak of them. Three men in dark suits have visited these saucer researchers. Nobody knows what they said, but it was enough to reduce their hearers to silence."

I have to admit, I have not yet read the book, but when I found it at a book fair some ten years ago, at the height of the X-Files craze, I had to buy it. Later it apparently helped provide inspiration for one of my favorite movies- Men in Black.

Interestingly, there are 37 copies of this listed on a popular database and, as usual, most of the booksellers listing it make no comment on the content at all- not a single word. The few booksellers who do say anything mostly simply quote all or part of the subtitle. Nobody, not one, out of the 37, has bothered to do a single second's research and provide any interesting information about this book- and there's plenty of interesting info out there. Has anybody ever heard of Google? Here's some interesting information about Gray Barker and his cohorts.

More to come...