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Showing posts with label Oddities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Oddities. Show all posts

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Balloons for SCG-

Yesterday Simply Curious Girl put our 'Bill Belichick for President' image up on her sidebar, and I said I'd give her a balloon for doing it. So this morning I decided to put my brain to work on the problem-

OK, enough brain work. Let's get on our hogs and take a balloon tour!

Wait, wait- anyone have to take one last visit to 'the necessary' before we leave?

All right then, everybody get your party dresses on!

I think that I shall never see,
a balloon shaped just like a tree...

ooops, I was wrong.


For Ted V., I found the new Bill Belichick Victory Tour Balloon-

AArrrgh! Wait! Blow, everybody, BLOW HARDER!!!

well shit.

I guess that's it for today. Anyone got a bicycle pump?

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Nature's Naughty Harvest-

As July has given way to August, all sorts of produce starts to come out of the garden-




all sorts of produce...




ALL sorts of produce...









Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Duck Doodles-


Back some years ago, in another lifetime, I raised ducks as a hobby. I lived beside a nice stream, and in addition to a dozen or so domestic ducks, there were usually a few hundred wild mallards hanging out, especially in the wintertime. I'd go through about a hundred pounds of cracked corn a week...

One fun thing to do with the ducks was make "Duck Doodles" in the wintertime. All you need to make a Duck Doodle is about ten pounds of cracked corn, 200-300 ducks, and a second floor window to view your work from. You decide what word you want to write, and then quickly sprinkle the corn on the ground in letters about three-feet high. The eating ducks will fill in all the letters, and you have a living, wiggling Duck Doodle. Unfortunately I never got a picture of one of the Duck Doodles.

All that is by way of introduction to this little ditty I wrote at some point during my duck-raising career, and which I offer today because it's so damned hot and humid that I swear I just saw a duck paddle by three feet off the ground-


My Momma has a duck,
she wears it like a hat!
I'd really, really rather
my Momma had a cat.

I wish she had a kitten,
named Rose or Friar Tuck.
A cuddly, bubbly kitten-
but no. She has a duck.

My Momma's duck lives in the house,
it eats with us at meals.
When Aunt Bernice saw that one night,
she made an awful squeal.

My Momma's duck is big and white,
and Poppa's awful pleased
she doesn't take it to bed at night,
'cause feathers make him sneeze.

My Momma takes her duck for walks,
she talks to it for hours,
she lets it on the couch, and (once)
she put it in the shower.

My Momma has a lovely duck,
I can't complain 'bout that...
It's just I'd really, really, rather
my Momma had a cat.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Internet-


-is indeed a wild and wacky place.

Where else could you be Googling asparagus and come up with this picture? Or be reading a story about NASA mis-spelling the name of their own space shuttle , and then click a link in the sidebar and come up with this (it starts kinda slow but keep reading).

And yeah, I can think of better uses for venomous snakes too.

ouch.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Say it, Stamp It...

Remember back in the '80s when cute inkstamps were all the rage? Every stationary store had a display of them. Somebody gave me this one back then, and I still love it very much-

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Is that your car in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?


Car names have always fascinated and appalled me. Back when I was a kid they at least made some sort of sense- you had a variety of animals such as the Impala, or things you could do, like the Rambler. But then things began to go south. VW came out with the “Golf”. I mean, wtf? Worse things came as car manufacturers discarded the actual language completely and began to make up words- Lumina. What the Hell is that?

Some names these days are frighteningly accurate- the Chevy ‘Suburban’, for instance, or the Ford ‘Expedition’ (yeah, like anyone who buys one actually goes on one). Some seem to be taking their buyers for such idiots they end up being simply silly- the Dodge ‘Caliber’ & ‘Nitro’, the Ford ‘Edge’, Nissan ‘Maxima’, or the Jeep ‘Patriot’.

And then there are the made-up names, which get weirder each year- Cadillac ‘Escalade’, Mitsubushi ‘Galant’, Nissan ‘Altima’, Toyota ‘Yaris’, VW ‘Eos’ and ‘Touareg’.

Huh?

So I decided to have a contest. I'm sure we can all come up with better names than the crap out there now. Here are my modest entries-

SUV's

* Acurra Agressa
* Ford Phalanx
* Toyota Rollova
* Chevy Guzzla

Luxury Cars

* Cadillac Mobsta
* Mercedes Indebta
* Mitsubishi Exclusiva

Sports Cars

* Porsche Testes
* Ford Phallus
* Lexus Wannabe
* Mazda Mefirsta
* Pontiac Pissoff

Thursday, May 17, 2007

"Not Tonight, Josephine"


This op-ed piece from today's New York Times relates to one of the 20th century's more macabre collecting sagas. If I recall correctly, New York autograph & maunscript auctioneer Charles Hamilton once sold the relic, and wrote about it in one of his books, published in the 1970s. I had not heard much about it since then, but, it's baaaack...

Collect-Me-Nots
By JUDITH PASCOE
New York Times: May 17, 2007

THE owner of Napoleon’s penis died last Thursday in Englewood, N.J. John K. Lattimer, who’d been a Columbia University professor and a collector of military (and some macabre) relics, also possessed Lincoln’s blood-stained collar and Hermann Göring’s cyanide ampoule. But the penis, which supposedly had been severed by a priest who administered last rites to Napoleon and overstepped clerical boundaries, stood out (sorry) from the professor’s collection of medieval armor, Civil War rifles and Hitler drawings.

The chances that Napoleon’s penis would be excised so that it could become a souvenir were improved by his having lived and died at a moment when the physical remains of celebrities held a strong attraction. Shakespeare didn’t become Shakespeare until the dawn of the romantic period, when his biography was written, his plays annotated and his belongings sought out and preserved. Trees that stood outside the bard’s former homes were felled to provide Shakespearean lumber for tea chests and tobacco stoppers.

After Napoleon’s capture at Waterloo, his possessions toured England. His carriage, filled with enticing contents like a gold tongue scraper, a flesh brush, “Cashimeer small-clothes” and a chocolate pot, drew crowds and inspired the poet Byron to covet a replica. When Napoleon died, the trees that lined his grave site at St. Helena were slivered into souvenirs.

The belief that objects are imbued with a lasting essence of their owners, taken to its logical extreme, led to the mind-set that caused Mary Shelley to keep her husband’s heart, dried to a powder, in her desk drawer. Of course, relic collecting long predates the romantic period; medieval pilgrims sought out fragments of the True Cross. In the aftermath of the Reformation, religious relics that had been ejected from monasteries joined secular collections that freely intermingled belemnites with saints’ finger bones. When Keats died, his hair took on the numinous appeal of a religious artifact.

Napoleon’s penis was not the only Napoleonic body part that became grist for the relic mill. Two pieces of Napoleon’s intestine, acquired by the Museum of the Royal College of Surgeons of England in 1841, provoked a long-simmering debate beginning in 1883. That year, Sir James Paget called the specimens’ authenticity into question, contrasting their seemingly cancerous protrusions to the sound tissue Napoleon’s doctor had earlier described. In 1960, the dispute continued in The Annals of the Royal College of Surgeons of England, long after the intestine pieces had been destroyed during a World War II air raid.

Dr. Lattimer, a urologist, could claim a professional interest in Napoleon’s genitalia. Not so its previous owner, the Philadelphia bookseller and collector A. S. W. Rosenbach, who took a “Rabelaisian delight” in the relic, according to his biographer, Edwin Wolf. When Rosenbach put the penis on display at the Museum of French Art in New York, visitors peered into a vitrine to see something that looked like a maltreated shoelace, or a shriveled eel.

Whether the object prized by Dr. Lattimer was actually once attached to Napoleon may never be resolved. Some historians doubt that the priest could have managed the organ heist when so many people were passing in and out of the emperor’s death chamber. Others suggest he may have removed only a partial sample. If enough people believe in a possibly spurious penis, does it become real?

The pathos of Napoleon’s penis — bandied about over the decades, barely recognizable as a human body part — conjures up the seamier side of the collecting impulse. If, as Freud suggested, the collector is a sexually maladjusted misanthrope, then the emperor’s phallus is a collector’s object nonpareil, the epitome of male potency and dominance. The ranks of Napoleon enthusiasts, it should be noted, include many alpha males: Bill Gates, Newt Gingrich, Stanley Kubrick, Winston Churchill, Augusto Pinochet. Nevertheless, the Freudian paradigm has never accounted for women collectors, nor does it explain the appeal of collections for artists like Lisa Milroy, whose paintings of cabinet handles or shoes, arrayed in series, animate these common objects.

It’s time to let Napoleon’s penis rest in peace. Museums are quietly de-accessioning the human remains of indigenous peoples so that body parts can be given proper burial rites. Napoleon’s penis, too, should be allowed to go home and rejoin the rest of his captivating body.

Judith Pascoe, a professor of English at the University of Iowa, is the author of “The Hummingbird Cabinet: A Rare and Curious History of Romantic Collectors.”

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Ashes to Ashes...

Cremation dates back at least to the ancient Romans, though after Rome fell cremation also fell on hard times. It only made a comeback in the late Victorian age, with many cremation societies springing up, all dedicated to making it legal again. They finally succeeded, and it is a booming industry today. I think it's a fine way to dispose of bodies if one is so inclined, so I mean no disrespect to all the cremationalists out there when I offer the following little smattering of news stories that just popped up on the web-

Keith Richards says he snorted father's ashes
MSNBC News Services
April 3rd, 2007

LONDON - Keith Richards has acknowledged consuming a raft of illegal substances in his time, but this may top them all. In comments published Tuesday, the 63-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist said he had snorted his father’s ashes mixed with cocaine. "The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME. "He was cremated, and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared," he said, adding that "it went down pretty well, and I’m still alive."

- - -

Ashes of Star Trek's 'Scotty' Primed for Space Launch
Space.com
2 April 2007

The ashes of Star Trek’s Scotty and one of NASA’s first astronauts are once more bound for the final frontier, this time aboard a privately-built rocket to launch from New Mexico this month. Portions of the cremated remains of actor James Doohan, the plucky engineer of television's Starship Enterprise, and Mercury astronaut Gordon Cooper are set for an April 28 launch aboard a SpaceLoft XL rocket built by the private firm UP Aerospace.

- - -

Grandmother thwarts 'dead dad into diamond' plan

Reuters. April 04, 2007

A German woman's plan to turn her dead father's ashes into a diamond was thwarted yesterday by her grandmother. A district court in Wiesbaden ruled the 19-year-old could not take the cremated remains to Switzerland where a company creates synthetic diamonds from ashes.

“The daughter of the deceased could not provide sufficient proof that it was his final wish to be pressed into a diamond,” the court in western Germany said, ruling in favour of his 86-year-old mother.

- - -

Friday, February 09, 2007

Cupid's Got a Gun...

Not sure what to get your loved-one for Valentines day? How about the window that Lee Harvey Oswald shot President Kennedy through? It's now up for sale on Ebay, having been passed down in the family of the owner of the Texas School Book Depository building, who had it removed from the building shortly after the assasination.

Sure, it's a bit pricey ($600,000 at the moment), but how can you put a price on the happiness of your loved one?

Coming next week on Ebay- the stitches from Lyndon Johnson's surgical scar.