All the Care Bears were sucked
into the center of a giant Black Hole.
I hate it when Fantasy meets Reality-
Santa’s sleigh crash-landed
on an ice flow with a hungry leopard seal.
RIP, Jolly Fellow. Authorities blame the
accident on the Polar Vortex.
Lassie came home alone today,
curled up by the fire, and dreamt
sweet doggie dreams, knowing nobody
saw her push Timmy down the well.
Faster than a speeding bullet,
more powerful than a locomotive,
but Superman learned too late-
don’t fuck around with power lines.
Dr. Seuss lied about the Grinch-
he never gave back the toys,
and was hunted down, beaten to death
and eaten by murderous, starving Whos.
This time the tornado
got Dorothy, Toto, and Auntie ‘Em.
In Oz, Scarecrow cries in his cornfield,
as the crows laugh and laugh.