Autocorrected

Autocorrect tells me
I am spelling autocorrect incorrectly.
It was pretty pissy about it.
When computer programs become that self-aware
and obnoxious,
I start to worry
about their next move...

And I worry that worrying
will affect my health and longevity;
I spent hours on the internet last night
researching the subject,
and everyone agrees that worry,
especially worrying about worry,
is bad for you,
and I worry about that.

The internet is great for finding out
what is bad for you and what isn’t-
often they’re the same things.
I read on the internet that coffee will kill you,
then in another, happier, corner of the internet
I read that it’s the secret to a longer life.

So I curled up in that corner of the internet
with my coffee
and worried about worry,
and whether my autocorrect program
is plotting to kill me.

Hey, laugh if you will,
but all the signs are there.
Yesterday autocorrect changed
“enthusiasm”
to “euthanasia”.
Who’s paranoid now?

I need more coffee.
-The good kind.
From the happy corner of the internment.
Internet!
uh oh...