It's almost Turkey Day, and our best wishes for a Happy Turkey Day go out to all our American Friends out there. You foreigners, well, The Decider says if you're not American, you don't count, and it's apparently unPatriotical to question The Decider in Time of War.
I also want to send my best wishes to anyone out there who has to fly anywhere this week (and if you do, why the Hell are you sitting there reading this crap? Get going, you're probably already late!) . So to all our friends who have to fly, I say Bon Chance!, which is Frenchy for "You poor friggin' bastards, better you than me!"
In honor of Turkey Day we're going to hold our First Annual Turkey Day Quiz here at MMB. Unlike a lot of the other stuff you read here, one of the following statements is actually true. Just pick the right one and win our prize!
1. Giant, 12-foot tall carnivorous turkeys roamed the landscape in Prehistoric times, laying waste to Dunkin' Donuts stores. This explains the mystery which has long puzzled scientists, which is why, though they are ubiquitous today, no trace of Dunkin' Donuts appears in the prehistoric fossil record.
2. It was a turkey, behind the Grassy Knoll, that really shot JFK. Oliver Stone covered this fact up in his movie because he is actually one of Them in disguise. Shhh!
3. Farm-bred turkeys are so fat it is physically impossible for them to have sex. Your average adult Tom Turkey is so damned frustrated that it is a real blessing to cut off his head, stick bread up his ass and roast him for twelve hours.
4. All turkeys imported from China are made exclusively of depleted uranium and lead paint.
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um, well, ok, I took the Prize Fund and bought a burger and a six-pack with it last night, but please play anyway. And Happy Turkey Day, everyone!
