In case you haven't seen it, the religious bigots who are insisting on legislating their own narrow views of the Bible into laws for everyone have got a new ad on the tv, which can also be seen on You-Tube-
Now, the first time I saw this pitiful piece of fear-mongering, my first impression was that it was sooo campy nobody could really do a parody. It's like Dik Cheney, or Michelle Bachman- it's so silly that it is its own parody.
I am now ashamed for my own dismissal of the talents and genius of my fellow Americans out there who have indeed created some very funny lampoons. Many thanks to Bucky 4-Eyes for finding this one-
A church pastor in Baltimore is in BIG trouble. Is it because he-
a) took in a homeless man?
b) took in a homeless man and took out a life insurance policy on him, naming himself (the pastor) as beneficiary?
c) took in a homeless man and took out a life insurance policy on him, naming himself (the pastor) as beneficiary, and then hired a hit man to kill the homeless man?
or...
d) took in a homeless man and took out a life insurance policy on him, naming himself (the pastor) as beneficiary, and then hired a hit man to kill the homeless man, paying the hit man with $50,000 he (the pastor) embezzled from his own church?
After news of President Lincoln's assassination reached New York, in all arteries and capillaries of the city, shopkeepers designed makeshift shrines to the martyred president. An anonymous diarist walked for miles, drawing sketches of as many storefronts as he could (evidence suggests, but does not confirm, that the diarist was a man). Through his relentless activity this nameless reporter made the news a bit more comprehensible. Here are selections from the diary entries. Here's the full story and images of the pages.
Offered without comment (as if there's anything left to say)...
Hair Stylist Keeps Armed Robber as Sex Slave 15 April 2009 By Carl Schreck / The Moscow Times
In what is either the weirdest Russian crime story of the year so far or a new low in yellow crime journalism, a female hair stylist in the Kaluga region is suspected of holding an armed robber in captivity as a sex slave for two days after he unsuccessfully tried to knock over her beauty salon.
Attentive Crime Watch readers will need little more than the first paragraph of this post to understand that this bizarre saga was relayed by the intrepid crime hacks over at the web site Life.ru, which, together with newspaper Tvoi Den, is setting the bar extremely high for sensationalist scoops.
According to Life.ru, the events unfolded on the evening of March 14 as the stylist was wrapping up her shift at the salon in the Kaluga region town of Meshchovsk.
The robber, a 32-year-old man identified by Life.ru as "Viktor," burst into the salon at around 5 p.m. waving a pistol and ordered all of the stylists and clients to hit the floor and toss him their money.
At this point, 28-year-old Olga, whom Life.ru describes as a "delicate" girl trained in martial arts, was apparently still standing when she offered to hand over her cash. But when Viktor tried to accept her contribution, Olga surprised him with a quick punch to the chest, knocking the wind out of him before she flipped him to the ground.
Olga proceeded to tie Viktor up with a hair-dryer cord, gagged him and dragged him into a storage room.
Curiously, Life.ru reports, Olga instructed the others to keep working, telling them that the police would soon arrive.
But this feel-good moment for the good guy proved ephemeral. Things soon turned ugly, according to Life.ru.
The police did not come. And after the other stylists and clients went home for the evening, Olga told Viktor to "take off his underwear" and, with apologies to John Cougar Mellencamp, let her do as she pleases, lest she call the cops, Life.ru said.
She tied him to the radiator with handcuffs covered in frilly pink fabric, gave him some Viagra and had her way with him several times over the next 48 hours. When she finally let him go on the evening of March 16, Viktor had been "squeezed like a lemon," Life.ru reported.
First, he went to the hospital to have his injured genitals treated; then he went to police and filed a complaint asking that Olga be brought up on criminal charges for committing "actions of a sexual nature" that left him with injured sexual organs, according to a copy of the complaint posted on Life.ru.
Olga was apparently incensed when she learned of the complaint. She had, after all, even tried to be nice to her purported captive.
"What a jerk," Life.ru quoted her as saying. "Yeah, there were a few times. But I bought him new jeans, gave him food and drink, and gave him 1,000 rubles when he left."
The following day, Olga filed a complaint with police, asking that Viktor be charged in the salon robbery. Life.ru posted a copy of her statement as well.
"I don't know what's going to happen now," the web site quoted a local police officer as saying. "We could put both of them behind bars: him for robbery, her for rape and assault."
Ok, this is an interesting enough story anyway, but the real reason I am posting it is that I noticed the Houston News tag at the end telling me not to. Hey, that's a challenge I'll take up. Come and get me, Houston News!!
oh, yeah, the Catherine Zeta Jones photo is purely for my own and Mike's amusement.
Man Ticketed For Cursing By Ryan Korsgard
Houtson News, Tuesday, April 14, 2009
TEXAS CITY, Texas -- A Texas City man faces a ticket for cursing, KPRC Local 2 reported Monday.
Joseph Loflin said he found cat poop in his lawn. He suspected the neighbor's cat was responsible. The former police officer told the neighbor.
"'Your cat has been back there defecating in my back yard,'" Loflin said he told his neighbor. "I used the slang word, the four-letter word to describe what the cat was doing."
"He said, 'Well, I'm getting tired of cleaning up the cat mess out of my back yard," neighbor Michael Rainey said Loflin told him.
Both men agree that Loflin used the "s" word. Rainey said his 13-year-old daughter was nearby.
"I said, 'Look, I've asked you twice. This is the third time. Don't use that language in front of my daughter,'" Rainey said he told Loflin. "That's when he responded, 'There's nothing wrong with the word, and if I want to use the word, I'll use the word.'"
The men live two doors apart and have different versions of the story.
"I didn't call him a filthy name," Loflin said. "I didn't call him … I didn't use any profanity towards him. I used it as a noun, then I used it as an adverb to describe what his cat was doing. I think it was greatly taken out of context." After Loflin threatened to get a trap, Rainey called the police. The police wrote Loflin a ticket for disorderly conduct because of language.
Loflin is fighting the ticket. He is scheduled to go to court on April 22.
Copyright 2009 by Click2Houston.com. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
Yesterday we humanely disposed of several years' worth of dead Xmas trees by having a bonfire in our neighbors' backyard fire pit. First, the pit was readied by burning a few old wooden pallets as the audience warmed up with some champagne-
-I'm getting the popcorn ready for tonight's traditional annual viewing of Ann Baxter in a filmy blue dress, o/w known as "The Ten Commandments". Hey, some traditions are just worth keeping up, year after year...
-I love holidays in general, but Easter has always been one of my special favorites. I LOVE the Easter Bunny. He's so cuddly, and cute and furry... and he's great grilled with some fennel and baby potatoes and a nice pinot noir.
-Speaking of good eats, I just sampled some of a local farmer's fresh "Hot as Hell" horseradish. Eyah. 5 on a hotness scale of 10. My sister in law makes some really hot stuff, which she brought to Seder last night. Even more than grilled Easter bunnies, I love hot & spicy foods, and my basic standard is if it clears all the mucus out of both nostrils it gets a 5, but to go any further the pain has to flare upwards and come out my eyes. This local stuff, while very tasty horseradish, didn't do that. To hit a "10" it basically has to sear out both eyes, make steam come out my ears, and singe the hair follicles on my scalp. now THAT'S Good Eats!
-I know how to clean up the pirate problem- just send Chuck Norris over. I mean, sending Chuck Norris to Somalia is an idea that's appealing on all SORTS of levels...
-Is Ann Coulter animal, vegetable or mineral?
-And finally, this just in (and didn't you always secretly suspect something like this was going on?) -
This guy is from Harvard? That must be a typo. He's got to be from MIT...
For those who live and breathe chocolate, a puff
Boston Globe, Friday, April 10, 2009
Chocoholics rejoice: A Harvard professor has invented a calorie-free way of experiencing the sweet obsession - by inhaling it.
Biomedical engineer David Edwards has created a mini-inhaler - dubbed Le Whif - that shoots a chocolate mist into one's mouth, mimicking, he says, the experience of savoring the real thing. The price tag is about $2 for four puffs.
Edwards is known in science circles for designing a more efficient way to deliver inhaled medicines by tinkering with the particle sizes, and he has tapped that science in his lipstick-size chocolate delivery gadget. The chocolate particles are small enough to shoot out of the brightly-colored inhaler, but too large to make it to the lungs.
Not only does this delivery system remove the guilt that comes with chocolate's calories, he says, but it also moves us toward our culinary future. Evolution, he says, is trending toward smaller meals eaten more frequently - until chewing is pretty much replaced by breathing. "Breathing is eating," he says.
Adds the professor: "The whole process is very art-science. You have a culinary art and aerosol science meeting."
Of course, before dessert comes the main meal; Edwards has plans for inventing inhalable steak, carrots, and more. But for now, he is busy marketing Le Whif; a world tour is on tap.
"You can carry it in your pocket, you get the taste of chocolate, and your hands are clean and you put it back," Edwards says.
How does it taste? Think inhaled cocoa powder. Based on a personal test, the candy bar doesn't appear to be in danger.
Frank Terranova, a Johnson & Wales University culinary instructor who hasn't caught a "whiff" yet, is skeptical.
"I don't think you can call it a cuisine," he said. "I think you can call it a gimmick."
A "gimmick"? Surely not...
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Mrs. Chili pointed this Jon Stewart clip out on her blog. I'd say it hits the nail pretty squarely on the head...
It turns out that Fred Rogers is to blame for everything, but before we get to that, we have a -
Philosophical Query for the Day-
What is the Real Problem with Morning?
a) it's an every-day event, and that's just too much. Can we cut it back to, say, 4 days a week?
b) people expect you to do stuff when it happens.
c) it comes before lunch.
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So, the fine folks at Fox, in collaboration with a professor at that icon of higher learning, Louisiana State University, have declared jihad on Mister Rogers for destroying entire generations of young Americans.
Of course, before going out and burning your King Friday the 13th puppet, one might want to take a moment and consider the source...
The forecast says rain- The sky says sun. It's April, And I'm so confused.
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I know a number of you out there are interested in the latest news on the Mormon church, so we can file this one under"What a Difference a Consonant Makes" -
Student Newspaper at BYU Pulled Over Caption Error
PROVO, Utah (AP) - About 18,500 issues of the Daily Universe student newspaper at Brigham Young University were pulled from newsstands because a photo caption on the front page misidentified leaders of the Mormon church as apostates instead of apostles.
An apostate is a person who has abandoned religious faith, principles or a cause.
The photo was of members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, a governing body of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-days Saints, at the weekend general conference.
The caption called the group the "Quorum of the Twelve Apostates."
The papers were replaced with corrected copies later Monday.
Well, Boston Red Sox fans are all set for Sox Opening Day, Take 2, after yesterday's washout. Hey, at some point it has to stop raining right? Maybe by May?
Opening Day Haiku-
Its Opening Day- First pitch- going, going gone! What's gone- ball or hope?
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Just in, an update on something I was bitching about last week. The Vermont legislature has showed some spine and over-ridden their idiot Governor's veto-
Vermont Legalizes Gay Marriage ASSOCIATED PRESS : April 7, 2009
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) -- Vermont has become the fourth state to legalize gay marriage -- and the first to do so with a legislature's vote. The Legislature voted Tuesday to override Gov. Jim Douglas' veto of a bill allowing gays and lesbians to marry. The vote was 23-5 to override in the state Senate and 100-49 to override in the House. Under Vermont law, two-thirds of each chamber had to vote for override.
The vote came nine years after Vermont adopted its first-in-the-nation civil unions law.
It's now the fourth state to permit same-sex marriage. Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa are the others. Their approval of gay marriage came from the courts.
Wow, now there's a Progressive quartet of states for you- Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut and, um, Iowa.
A terrifying and tragic juxtaposition of news pieces crossed my desktop in the last two days. First, an op-ed piece from the NYT on Friday-
Pitchforks and Pistols
By Charles M. Blow, New York Times, April 3, 2009
Lately I’ve been consuming as much conservative media as possible (interspersed with shots of Pepto-Bismol) to get a better sense of the mind and mood of the right. My read: They’re apocalyptic. They feel isolated, angry, betrayed and besieged. And some of their “leaders” seem to be trying to mold them into militias.
At first, it was entertaining — just harmless, hotheaded expostulation. Of course, there were the garbled facts, twisted logic and veiled hate speech. But what did I expect, fair and balanced? It was like walking through an ideological house of mirrors. The distortions can be mildly amusing at first, but if I stay too long it makes me sick.
But, it’s not all just harmless talk. For some, their disaffection has hardened into something more dark and dangerous. They’re talking about a revolution.
Some simply lace their unscrupulous screeds with loaded language about the fall of the Republic. We have to “rise up” and “take back our country.” Others have been much more explicit.
For example, Chuck Norris, the preeminent black belt and prospective Red Shirt, wrote earlier this month on the conservative blog WorldNetDaily: “How much more will Americans take? When will enough be enough? And, when that time comes, will our leaders finally listen or will history need to record a second American Revolution?”
Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, imagining herself as some sort of Delacroixian Liberty from the Land of the Lakes, urged her fellow Minnesotans to be “armed and dangerous,” ready to bust caps over cap-and-trade, I presume.
And between his tears, Glenn Beck, the self-professed “rodeo clown,” keeps warning of an impending insurrection by saying that he believes that we are heading for “depression” and “revolution” and then gaming out that revolution on his show last month. “Think the unthinkable” he said. Indeed.
All this talk of revolution is revolting, and it hasn’t gone unnoticed.
As the comedian Bill Maher pointed out, strong language can poison weak minds, as it did in the case of Timothy McVeigh. (We sometimes forget that not all dangerous men are trained by Al Qaeda.)
At the same time, the unrelenting meme being pushed by the right that Obama will mount an assault on the Second Amendment has helped fuel the panic buying of firearms. According to the F.B.I., there have been 1.2 million more requests for background checks of potential gun buyers from November to February than there were in the same four months last year. That’s 5.5 million requests altogether over that period; more than the number of people living in Bachmann’s Minnesota.
Coincidence? Maybe. Just posturing? Hopefully. But it all gives me a really bad feeling. (Where’s that Pepto-Bismol?!)
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Think he's over-reacting a bit, being a little over dramatic? Well, even as I was finishing reading that article, this appalling story hits the headlines-
Call lures police to ambush; gunman kills 3 at the door
Associated Press, Sunday, April 05, 2009
Pittsburgh —- A man in a bulletproof vest killed three police officers answering a domestic call Saturday, police said. Police Chief Nate Harper said the motive for the shooting isn’t clear, but friends said the gunman recently had been upset about losing his job and feared the Obama administration was poised to ban guns.
Richard Poplawski, 23, met officers at the doorway, shot two in the head immediately and then killed an officer who tried to help them, Harper said.
Harper said more than 100 rounds were fired when Poplawski, with an assault rifle and two other guns, held police off four hours as the fallen officers lay nearby.
The officers killed were Eric Kelly, Stephen Mayhle and Paul Sciullo III. Kelly had finished the night shift and was on his way home when he responded to the call. Another officer was shot in the hand and a fifth broke his leg on a fence.
Poplawski had gunshot wounds only in his legs because of the bulletproof vest, Harper said.
He was charged with three counts of homicide, aggravated assault and a weapons violation. “It appears he was lying in wait for the officers,” Harper said.
Poplawski’s best friend said Poplawski feared “the Obama gun ban that’s on the way” and “didn’t like our rights being infringed upon.” Edward Perkovic said Poplawski had called him at work and said, “Eddie, I am going to die today.”
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Moral:The Right Wing really is nuts, and they are out to get us.
It's a good Friday to be an American, as two states strike blows for the freedom of all our citizens today-
Vermont moves closer to legalizing gay marriage New England Cable News
The Vermont legislature has approved a bill that would legalize gay marriage, but the fight is far from over. Nine years after Vermont approved civil unions for same sex couples, the question of marriage was back in the Vermont House of Representatives. For hours Thursday, lawmakers heard impassioned arguments on whether to allow marriage for same sex couples.
Opponents cited religious and personal beliefs. Rep. Anne Donahue, one of five Republicans voting for the bill, succeeded in getting an amendment passed to distinguish between civil and religious marriage.
Opponents sought to send the issue to referendum. Lawmakers debated that idea for an hour, with referendum supporters saying citizens should be allowed to vote on such a contentious issue, but referendum opponents argued that would open the state to outside money, and also give the majority a chance to decide the rights of the minority.
The referendum proposal failed. Then, shortly after 9pm Thursday, the House approved the marriage bill, 95-52, falling five votes short of a veto-proof margin.
Governor Jim Douglas has already pledged to veto the measure.
[Governor Jim Douglas should be ashamed of himself]
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DES MOINES — Iowa became the first state in the Midwest to approve same-sex marriage on Friday, after the Iowa Supreme Court unanimously decided that a 1998 law limiting marriage to a man and a woman was unconstitutional.
The decision was the culmination of a four-year legal battle that began in the lower courts. The Supreme Court said same-sex marriages could begin in Iowa in as soon as 21 days.
The case here was being closely followed by advocates on both sides of the issue. While the same-sex marriage debate has played out on both coasts, the Midwest — where no states had permitted same-sex marriage — was seen as entirely different. In the past, at least six states in the Midwest were among those around the country that adopted amendments to their state constitutions banning same-sex marriage.
“The Iowa statute limiting civil marriage to a union between a man and a woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution,” the justices said in a summary of their decision.
And later in the ruling, they said: “Equal protection under the Iowa Constitution is essentially a direction that all persons similarly situated should be treated alike. Since territorial times, Iowa has given meaning to this constitutional provision, striking blows to slavery and segregation, and recognizing women’s rights. The court found the issue of same-sex marriage comes to it with the same importance as the landmark cases of the past.”
In a hotel in Des Moines, several of the same-sex couples who were involved in the suit wept, teared up and embraced as they learned about the decision from their lawyers. “I’d like to introduce you to my fiancee,” said Kate Varnum, 34, reaching over to Trish Varnum. “Today I am proud to be a lifelong Iowan.”
“We are blessed to live in Iowa,” she added.
Opponents of same-sex marriage criticized the ruling.
“The decision made by the Iowa Supreme Court today to allow gay marriage in Iowa is disappointing on many levels," State Senator Paul McKinley, the Republican leader, said in a statement on The Des Moines Register’s Web site. "I believe marriage should only be between one man and one woman and I am confident the majority of Iowans want traditional marriage to be legally recognized in this state."
[of course, the state of Iowa already recognizes such marriages, and nobody is saying they shouldn't, nor does that have anything to do with today's ruling...]
He added: "Though the court has made their decision, I believe every Iowan should have a voice on this matter and that is why the Iowa Legislature should immediately act to pass a Constitutional Amendment that protects traditional marriage, keeps it as a sacred bond only between one man and one woman and gives every Iowan a chance to have their say through a vote of the people."
[no, actually the "sacred bond" is, by definition, a church-related idea, and one that has no place in civil law]
Advocates of same-sex marriage said they did not believe opponents had any immediate way to overturn the decision. A constitutional amendment would require the state legislature to approve a ban on same-sex marriage in two consecutive sessions after which voters would have a chance to weigh in.
Iowa has no residency requirement for getting a marriage license, which some suggest may mean a flurry of people from other states.
Two states — Connecticut and Massachusetts — currently allow same-sex marriages. Several other states on the East coast allow civil unions, lawmakers in Vermont are considering gay marriage, and California allowed it until November’s election, when residents rejected the idea in a voter initiative.
A change in Iowa’s take on marriage, advocates for gay marriage said before Friday’s ruling, would signal a broader shift in public thinking, even in the nation’s more conservative middle. Opponents of same-sex marriage, meanwhile, had said any legal decision in support of same-sex marriage in Iowa would certainly trigger a prompt and sharp response among residents and, surely, state lawmakers.
The legal case here began in 2005, when six same-sex couples filed suit against the county recorder here in Polk County because he would not accept their marriage license applications.
Two years later, a local judge here, Robert B. Hanson, ruled in that case that a state law defining marriage as only between a man and woman was unconstitutional. The ruling, in 2007, set off a flurry of same-sex couples from all over the state, racing for the courthouse in Polk County.
The rush lasted less than a day in August of 2007. Although Judge Hanson had ruled against the state law, he quickly decided to delay any additional granting of licenses, saying that the Iowa Supreme Court should have an opportunity to weigh in first. In the end, about 20 couples applied before the stay was issued. Just one couple, Timothy McQuillan, then 21, and Sean Fritz, 24, managed to obtain their license and also to marry.
